I have a confession to make, last night, the craving for sweets was unreal, so I grabbed a few cookies and they were quite yummy. I'm not ashamed of what I did by any means, it's in my full right to have a few cookies. Here's the weird thing, and I always thought this was such a sham when I heard people say this but it's so true. I was sick to my stomach after I ate them. I had to lay down on the couch and I pretty much just laid there because I was so queasy. Funny thing, I want cookies again but I'm not gonna eat them. I have carrots right now, I'm kind of craving good stuff right now...weird. I hope this is a step in the right direction.
I did not work out today, I have worked out everyday for the past 2 weeks, so I gave myself the day off. I really want to be getting up early to do this but, like I've said a million times, I love the late night quiet time.
I'm coming upon a really hard time of year for myself. The anniversary of a lot of deaths hit this month. It's commonly my binge month, but I am going to find new ways to cope. Pretty much exactly like a drug addict, coping skills.... I'm hoping my favorite coping skill will be exercise (a girl can dream right?)!
I'm very grateful for all the people who have let me know that they are struggling with this also. So many people I never would have thought had issues in this area are telling me that they are going through the same things.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
The Day after the weigh in
I am pretty self notorious for binging the day after a weigh in, especially a good weigh in. But I did not do that today, and let me tell you, it was rough, especially since I came in pretty low in my calorie count! I really can't thank this blog (lol@ me thanking an inanimate object) for causing me accountability and giving me a much needed creative outlet and therapy of sorts.
Last night I didn't have my evening snack and left late to go visit a friend of mine and run a few errands. I was kind of hungry and even considered picking up something while I was out but didn't. I checked a bag of "fruit snacks" because they claim on the front "fat free" um....they are not calorie free, which is my biggest concern right now. They sounded super yummy and even though it was 10pm I could have eaten them, but I made the choice not to. Came home late, still wanting a snack but went to bed anyway. And woke up definitely wanting a big breakfast, but again chose not to. And chose to get on the treadmill before noon and this time I for real jogged some!! I even did intervals for a while, jogging a 6mph, which, is insanely fast for me and my short legs.
So, here's my funny story. Sometime in the fall (maybe late summer, I'm not sure) I was going for a walk/jog around my subdivision. I usually go down my road and past our lake, I would pay extra HOA fees to have a path all the way around the lake, but alas, there's not. Anyway, I jogged down the road, turned around and headed back. I was coming up on an older gentleman (had to be in his late 70's...) and he was outside shoveling sand into his ditch probably to help with the water drainage issue. Yes, you heard me right. I took out my ear bud to say 'hi', since I don't really know my neighbors (that's sad) I usually try to say hi and look for an opportunity to talk to them. He said to me and I quote "Nice day for a slow walk." I just nodded ("Ummm...hellooo...I'm jogging, not slow walking.") And then he asks "Do you try to slow walk everyday?" ("Is this really happening? I'd like to see you jog...geez.") So I reply "Yeah, I try to jog pretty much everyday." Totally emphasizing the jog. And he says, "It's good for ya. Well, have a good slow walk." ("That did not just happen!! This old man was either totally making fun of me and my pathetic jog...yes, I'm a slow jogger, I'm totally aware of this...but I was definitely jogging, walking with a hop! OR he was blind, I mean that's possible right?") So, I just kept jogging until he couldn't see me anymore and then I walked...slow. What a butthead!
At lunch today I had a frozen Michelina's meal. I realize that most nutrionist and trainers would really encourage not eating processed foods and eating as much fresh produce and possible, but when you're a single income with seven people in your house and you only grocery shop once a month it's really hard to work out. So I work with what I've got. Which I think is so important when people are trying to make changes in their lives. I mean, say you're trying to pay off your bills faster, of course it would be ideal to pay an extra $100/month toward a credit card, but if you only have an extra $20/month that's something, that's great! Or if one month you blow a tire and have to replace it and you can only put $10/month for that month, do whatever is best for you! Do whatever you can work with! You don't have to do what the "experts" suggest or what everyone else has done, just work with what you got!
I only did the one work out today, I'm not really sure where the time went today. I guess after the treadmill it just wasn't a priority and it needs to be. As I said earlier I came in pretty low in my calorie count today, I don't have a specific number that I try to hit, but I try to have a general idea of the amount I'm eating. As I've said a million times, it's all about making different choices.
Last night I didn't have my evening snack and left late to go visit a friend of mine and run a few errands. I was kind of hungry and even considered picking up something while I was out but didn't. I checked a bag of "fruit snacks" because they claim on the front "fat free" um....they are not calorie free, which is my biggest concern right now. They sounded super yummy and even though it was 10pm I could have eaten them, but I made the choice not to. Came home late, still wanting a snack but went to bed anyway. And woke up definitely wanting a big breakfast, but again chose not to. And chose to get on the treadmill before noon and this time I for real jogged some!! I even did intervals for a while, jogging a 6mph, which, is insanely fast for me and my short legs.
So, here's my funny story. Sometime in the fall (maybe late summer, I'm not sure) I was going for a walk/jog around my subdivision. I usually go down my road and past our lake, I would pay extra HOA fees to have a path all the way around the lake, but alas, there's not. Anyway, I jogged down the road, turned around and headed back. I was coming up on an older gentleman (had to be in his late 70's...) and he was outside shoveling sand into his ditch probably to help with the water drainage issue. Yes, you heard me right. I took out my ear bud to say 'hi', since I don't really know my neighbors (that's sad) I usually try to say hi and look for an opportunity to talk to them. He said to me and I quote "Nice day for a slow walk." I just nodded ("Ummm...hellooo...I'm jogging, not slow walking.") And then he asks "Do you try to slow walk everyday?" ("Is this really happening? I'd like to see you jog...geez.") So I reply "Yeah, I try to jog pretty much everyday." Totally emphasizing the jog. And he says, "It's good for ya. Well, have a good slow walk." ("That did not just happen!! This old man was either totally making fun of me and my pathetic jog...yes, I'm a slow jogger, I'm totally aware of this...but I was definitely jogging, walking with a hop! OR he was blind, I mean that's possible right?") So, I just kept jogging until he couldn't see me anymore and then I walked...slow. What a butthead!
At lunch today I had a frozen Michelina's meal. I realize that most nutrionist and trainers would really encourage not eating processed foods and eating as much fresh produce and possible, but when you're a single income with seven people in your house and you only grocery shop once a month it's really hard to work out. So I work with what I've got. Which I think is so important when people are trying to make changes in their lives. I mean, say you're trying to pay off your bills faster, of course it would be ideal to pay an extra $100/month toward a credit card, but if you only have an extra $20/month that's something, that's great! Or if one month you blow a tire and have to replace it and you can only put $10/month for that month, do whatever is best for you! Do whatever you can work with! You don't have to do what the "experts" suggest or what everyone else has done, just work with what you got!
I only did the one work out today, I'm not really sure where the time went today. I guess after the treadmill it just wasn't a priority and it needs to be. As I said earlier I came in pretty low in my calorie count today, I don't have a specific number that I try to hit, but I try to have a general idea of the amount I'm eating. As I've said a million times, it's all about making different choices.
Friday, January 7, 2011
I'm opstomistic (HA!)
(Yes I know the title makes no sense!)
So, I did it. We had a crazy night glast night oing out and doing shopping so everyone's schedule was a little off. Baby girl woke up at 7:30, but decided to go back to bed by 8:30. So, even though I had set my alarm for 6am and totally ignored it (yes, I'm going to keep setting it and eventually I'll get sick of turning it off and actually get up....one day....at least that's the plan).
After she laid down I did a "Dance and Be Fit" Sexy Sculpt: Abs Burn. It did not burn my abs, but I'm not so sure I was doing it right. I mean, I am an awesome dancer, but it's a lot harder to move your hips when there's jiggliness surrounding them. And a lot harder to "engage your core" when I'm trying to learn dance moves too. So, these "Dance and Be Fit"s are good for getting my heart rate up, which is important, but I'm not so sure they help with the sweating, which I need. Feels good to sweat!
Then I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes! Why I didn't push myself harder I do not know. I did jog for a good 2 minutes, a few times, okay twice, okay once...geez quit being so questiony....and well, it was definitely a slow jog. Then I decided to get on the scale and I'll be completely honest, I got on the scale yesterday...afternoon..bad idea. We had made kind of a last minute decision to start our grocery shopping and I knew we'd go out to eat. Even though I was planning on being well behaved with my food choices (and I was) I got on the scale because I was worried eating late or eating out at all would mess things up. I had already eaten breakfast at this point yesterday and obviously consumed liquid so when I got on the scale I was pretty disappointed with a 2 pound weight loss. I tried to just remind myself any weight loss is good and move on. But it bugged me all night. Plus we were grocery shopping, I was starving and I didn't have a good day on the scale and I honestly wanted to just buy a bunch of junk, go home and eat it! But I didn't!
After the treadmill this morning I got on the scale and I was pretty sure it would be the same result as the afternoon before. It wasn't!!!! I lost 4.4 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY for me :) It was definitely exciting. I was hoping for a good 6 pound week, being my first week but I look back and know I could have pushed harder with the workouts and I could have chosen not to eat the waffles and maybe had a bigger number but I'm totally proud of my 4.4 pounds!! It gives me motivation to move on this week, to sweat a little more and continue with the good food choices.
On the episode I watched last night on "I Used To Be Fat" I was first extremely annoyed with the girl. She had such an opportunity with a trainer and no responsiblities...take it and run sister!!! But she grew on me as the show continued. At the end of the show, the joy in her eyes, the joy in her voice, the way she carried herself...I want that feeling! I can't wait for that feeling!
I have a really great story planned for tomorrow! YAY for me and my 4.4 pounds, so proud, so ready for next week!
So, I did it. We had a crazy night glast night oing out and doing shopping so everyone's schedule was a little off. Baby girl woke up at 7:30, but decided to go back to bed by 8:30. So, even though I had set my alarm for 6am and totally ignored it (yes, I'm going to keep setting it and eventually I'll get sick of turning it off and actually get up....one day....at least that's the plan).
After she laid down I did a "Dance and Be Fit" Sexy Sculpt: Abs Burn. It did not burn my abs, but I'm not so sure I was doing it right. I mean, I am an awesome dancer, but it's a lot harder to move your hips when there's jiggliness surrounding them. And a lot harder to "engage your core" when I'm trying to learn dance moves too. So, these "Dance and Be Fit"s are good for getting my heart rate up, which is important, but I'm not so sure they help with the sweating, which I need. Feels good to sweat!
Then I got on the treadmill for 20 minutes! Why I didn't push myself harder I do not know. I did jog for a good 2 minutes, a few times, okay twice, okay once...geez quit being so questiony....and well, it was definitely a slow jog. Then I decided to get on the scale and I'll be completely honest, I got on the scale yesterday...afternoon..bad idea. We had made kind of a last minute decision to start our grocery shopping and I knew we'd go out to eat. Even though I was planning on being well behaved with my food choices (and I was) I got on the scale because I was worried eating late or eating out at all would mess things up. I had already eaten breakfast at this point yesterday and obviously consumed liquid so when I got on the scale I was pretty disappointed with a 2 pound weight loss. I tried to just remind myself any weight loss is good and move on. But it bugged me all night. Plus we were grocery shopping, I was starving and I didn't have a good day on the scale and I honestly wanted to just buy a bunch of junk, go home and eat it! But I didn't!
After the treadmill this morning I got on the scale and I was pretty sure it would be the same result as the afternoon before. It wasn't!!!! I lost 4.4 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY for me :) It was definitely exciting. I was hoping for a good 6 pound week, being my first week but I look back and know I could have pushed harder with the workouts and I could have chosen not to eat the waffles and maybe had a bigger number but I'm totally proud of my 4.4 pounds!! It gives me motivation to move on this week, to sweat a little more and continue with the good food choices.
On the episode I watched last night on "I Used To Be Fat" I was first extremely annoyed with the girl. She had such an opportunity with a trainer and no responsiblities...take it and run sister!!! But she grew on me as the show continued. At the end of the show, the joy in her eyes, the joy in her voice, the way she carried herself...I want that feeling! I can't wait for that feeling!
I have a really great story planned for tomorrow! YAY for me and my 4.4 pounds, so proud, so ready for next week!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I'm hungry and grocery shoppping.
I didn't make my countdown calendar today, I really need to get on top of that. The ones on the show I'm watching is huge, I want a huge one too! But I'll settle for a normal sized one. Tomorrow I shall make my calendar. I'm excited. Maybe I'll even color it, probably not but it's a good idea.
I kind of wish I could voice blog. Because I hope people can understand how I sound in my head when I write this.
I did one work out today, yes, I know I said I was going to push today but I did that work out really hard I promise! I feel a little refunked today, even though I was defunked last night. Every step is a step in the right direction right now.
Today I ate really well. I need to make sure I'm up early enough tomorrow to work out before we have to do more errands. Tonight we did a bunch of our grocery shopping, we do shopping for a month at a time. It was really hard being as hungry as I was and having to grocery shop and then to go out to eat and buy a salad (dressing on the side). Totally proud of myself. I have to weigh in tomorrow and I'm really freaking out about it. So that's why I want to make sure I'm up to work out first.
Which means, I need to sleep. This is not my best entry, sorry about that!
I kind of wish I could voice blog. Because I hope people can understand how I sound in my head when I write this.
I did one work out today, yes, I know I said I was going to push today but I did that work out really hard I promise! I feel a little refunked today, even though I was defunked last night. Every step is a step in the right direction right now.
Today I ate really well. I need to make sure I'm up early enough tomorrow to work out before we have to do more errands. Tonight we did a bunch of our grocery shopping, we do shopping for a month at a time. It was really hard being as hungry as I was and having to grocery shop and then to go out to eat and buy a salad (dressing on the side). Totally proud of myself. I have to weigh in tomorrow and I'm really freaking out about it. So that's why I want to make sure I'm up to work out first.
Which means, I need to sleep. This is not my best entry, sorry about that!
Yesterday's Post, My blog editor wouldn't load...
So, I had waffles for breakfast, I’m okay with it. A week ago I would have had probably eaten almost half a box and if you think I’m being sarcastic you’re wrong. But I did NOT have half a box today, so yay me! I will not be having waffles all the time, that’s for sure. About an hour after I had them I was hungry again.
I was sort of in a funk today; I couldn’t find a workout I wanted to do. If I had been given the chance to jog outside (my favorite) I probably wouldn’t have even taken it! So, when all else fails, I choose the treadmill. And, I despise the treadmill. It’s like being in a traffic jam, sweating the entire time, oh and having a three year old hanging onto the wheel. I’ve often told people that I’d rather cut off my left leg than use the treadmill, it’s pretty true. But I walked for about 25 minutes, watching Legally Blonde. Maybe I need to find a new movie to watch, I do love Legally Blonde (I’m pretty sure any DVD in pink plastic is probably an amazing movie). But it’s just not doing it for me on the treadmill. I’ll try again though. So I hate the treadmill basically because it’s dumb, but I love it because I know that’s where I’ll get the best results right now.
Later in the day, because I was still in a funk I decided to work out again. A 30 minute work out to “Shape Up with Sharon Mann” low impact/Pilates. She's kind of starting to get on my nerves, but it might be because I was in a funk today. Her work outs are good and she does a variety of stuff, so I’m sure I’ll use her again. Plus, since FitTV is only doing 3 hours of actual fitness in the mornings, I don’t have much to choose from anymore.
My food choices were fine today, nothing to be excited about it, but nothing to be disappointed in. I did have 3 Hershey kisses a few minutes ago. I was NOT going to admit that but isn’t this all about being as raw as possible? But I’m not ashamed of my Hershey kisses. Again, a week ago I would have probably had 10 of them, if not more. On Wednesday nights we have to leave for church at 4:45 and don’t get back until about 9, so I had to eat dinner before church tonight. A week ago I would have eaten a dinner, a BIG dinner, sometimes even just went and got fast food at 9 or 9:30, depending on when I got the kiddos to bed.
MTV started a new series “I Used To Be Fat”, I’m watching it for the first time. I’m not really sure how many episodes they are doing but I know of 3 for sure. I’m loving it right now. And I love the thought of a countdown calendar, so I think I’m going to make one that counts down until my birthday. I mean I did it on my 22nd birthday because we went to Beale Street Music Festival and I was so excited. And this time I’m so excited because I will finally have myself back. I will have that free spirit, spontaneous, fun loving girl I had at 22/23. So yup, a countdown calendar it is!!
And tomorrow I push. I actually am going to weigh in on Friday, so I need to push a little tomorrow. Every day I say I’m going to push tomorrow, but it’s time to start some new changes. I’ve been doing okay in some areas, and better in other areas but it’s time to start doing great in all areas. It was really nice to hear on this show that at about 2 weeks this girl got into her stride and everything started to get a little bit easier. There were still moments of frustration, but she felt stronger in all the areas involved in losing weight.
Sometimes it just takes a great night of praise and worship to get my mind back to where it needs to be. Tonight we sang, “Freedom” and I just kept thinking about the freedom from food. It almost seems like it’s become my god. Ugh, I didn’t even want to write that, it sounds so….disgusting. But I thought about food way more than I thought on God. I meditated on food more than I mediated on the Word. My inner voice, the Holy Spirit, would prompt me not to eat stuff and I’d just put it in my mouth. I was being deliberating disobedient, what a bad place to be. So, I felt all that lifted tonight. I felt refreshed on a day I felt in a funk! So grateful for a church with amazing praise and worship and a Pastor completely open to the move of the Holy Spirit! And most grateful for mercy and grace!!!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Do almonds go bad?
I had my alarm set for 5:30 am, I was motivated, ready, I knew I was going to get up early to get my work outs done so I could do other stuff today. At 5:28am my 3 year old son crawled into bed with us and so, I cuddled instead. It's fine, I'll try again another day. It was the first night I went to bed early enough to even consider the 5:30am wake up call. We all should know by now that sleep is also very essential to losing weight and well, just not being a crazy person.
My first workout was the tried and true "Total Body Sculpt" with Gilad. I did one of his hour long work outs, I've been making sure to record them and save them so when I need a little bit of a longer work out I have one of those handy. They are really only about 45 minutes after commercials (I've never timed it, but that seems about right). I do sweat so that's important. Most of the 45 minutes I had one child or another either crawling on me, standing at my feet, or needing something that I'd have to run and take care of in the middle of a squat. But I never gave up, I always paused it and went right back to what I was doing. I know, as a mom, how hard it is to workout, how frustrating it is, to fit it in during naps, or before they wake up, or after they go to bed. How infuriating it can be to do push ups and have a 3 year old jumping on your back telling you "giddie up horsie" and a 10 month old grabbing onto your hair trying to stand up. But it's pushing through!
Since the first workout was a little clustered, I took a walk outside this afternoon. An outside work out is so good for my soul. I turned on my Ipod and just walked, to our lake, around the corner and back. It was freezing cold, but it didn't matter, it's what I needed.
I made good food choices today, but even though I thought that it would get easier, it is not. It was rough today not just grabbing food whenever I wanted, whatever I wanted, in whatever quantity I wanted it. I kept reminding myself that I get to eat again, that it's not like I can't eat cookies forever, it's just that I'm not eating them right now. I did decide to have some yogurt tonight for my evening snack and I thought "hmm, I have almonds, I will put a few in the yogurt...yummmmmyyy." Well, apparently almonds go bad, b/c they were disgusting, but I ate them...I'm not really sure why I just didn't pick them out of the yogurt, but I didn't. Funny what you'll eat when you are trying not to be a pig.
The Biggest Loser started another season tonight, I will admit something, scary.... I weigh the same as at least one of the girls on there....yup.. that's my gut wrenching bravery for today. I'm not discouraged by that information, it's only motivation to say that it can be done without the show, without a personal trainer, without access to the perfect "diet" food. That I can be just as honest, just as raw, just as motivated and just as permanent.
There's a lot of emotion in the month of January. The death-iversaries of important people in my life and the MOST important person, my mom. I have always dedicated that day to binge-ing. Okay, I've dedicated pretty much the entire month to it. But my story is just a story, it's no worse than anyone else's. Pain is the same, only the stories are different and how you take care of the scar.
My first workout was the tried and true "Total Body Sculpt" with Gilad. I did one of his hour long work outs, I've been making sure to record them and save them so when I need a little bit of a longer work out I have one of those handy. They are really only about 45 minutes after commercials (I've never timed it, but that seems about right). I do sweat so that's important. Most of the 45 minutes I had one child or another either crawling on me, standing at my feet, or needing something that I'd have to run and take care of in the middle of a squat. But I never gave up, I always paused it and went right back to what I was doing. I know, as a mom, how hard it is to workout, how frustrating it is, to fit it in during naps, or before they wake up, or after they go to bed. How infuriating it can be to do push ups and have a 3 year old jumping on your back telling you "giddie up horsie" and a 10 month old grabbing onto your hair trying to stand up. But it's pushing through!
Since the first workout was a little clustered, I took a walk outside this afternoon. An outside work out is so good for my soul. I turned on my Ipod and just walked, to our lake, around the corner and back. It was freezing cold, but it didn't matter, it's what I needed.
I made good food choices today, but even though I thought that it would get easier, it is not. It was rough today not just grabbing food whenever I wanted, whatever I wanted, in whatever quantity I wanted it. I kept reminding myself that I get to eat again, that it's not like I can't eat cookies forever, it's just that I'm not eating them right now. I did decide to have some yogurt tonight for my evening snack and I thought "hmm, I have almonds, I will put a few in the yogurt...yummmmmyyy." Well, apparently almonds go bad, b/c they were disgusting, but I ate them...I'm not really sure why I just didn't pick them out of the yogurt, but I didn't. Funny what you'll eat when you are trying not to be a pig.
The Biggest Loser started another season tonight, I will admit something, scary.... I weigh the same as at least one of the girls on there....yup.. that's my gut wrenching bravery for today. I'm not discouraged by that information, it's only motivation to say that it can be done without the show, without a personal trainer, without access to the perfect "diet" food. That I can be just as honest, just as raw, just as motivated and just as permanent.
There's a lot of emotion in the month of January. The death-iversaries of important people in my life and the MOST important person, my mom. I have always dedicated that day to binge-ing. Okay, I've dedicated pretty much the entire month to it. But my story is just a story, it's no worse than anyone else's. Pain is the same, only the stories are different and how you take care of the scar.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Somebody does NOT have a case of the Mondays!
As I said yesterday I was sure Monday was going to be the hardest day. I'm so glad I realized while writing yesterday that Monday is NEVER a good day (for me) to start a new routine/diet. So glad I started this on Saturday, even though everything in my mind and body was screaming to start Monday and binge out this last weekend. So so so glad I chose the better choice. I guess telling my 3 year old a hundred times a day to make a good choice will eventually pay off for him too.
My first workout was "Dance and be Fit: Old School Hip Hop" (yessssssssssss). It was super fun and no voiceovers...hurray! The girl Sarah Moore (maybe, I'm not 100% sure, I should write this stuff down) was really cute and had a great smile and attitude. I was definitely hot, but again, not dripping sweat and I'd really like to get to dripping sweat at least once a day. And I really needed it to energize me, as I'm exhausted from last night, it really didnt' energize me, but I'm not falling asleep on the couch anymore. I would also like to comment that I think dancers have amazing bodies, dancers and professional soccer players, those are my two favorites. (Yes, you did not need to know that, I realize this.)
So, something else exciting happened today. I sat down to eat lunch, soup, mmm. And normally I'd eat soup AND a sandwich (maybe 2, depending on who was watching) or soup AND chips (maybe two bowls depending on who was watching), soup and something. However, about 4 bites from the end of my soup and half a piece of bread with just peanut butter, I was full! YAY, day 3 and my stomach is already coming on board with this new change. Hurray for my stomach!
The second workout was "In Shape with Sharon Mann" and today she did boxing. I sweated...yippee!! (Um, is sweated a word or is it just sweat?) So, I love when the instructors have helpers, because the helpers usually either crack me up or totally motivate me for whatever reason. Anyway, Sharon Mann had 4 helpers today. One was cracking me up!!! She was so spunky (because I do not want to claim she was on crack, I pick spunky). If we were supposed to hop, she was jumping. If we were supposed to punch she was hopping and punching, it was awesome. Okay, it was a little annoying, it's like the doing the electric slide at a wedding and there's always that girl who's practically stripping during it, making it the sex-tric slide (yeah, I went there...what?). But I liked her and the work out was really good, I'm pretty sure I'd be amazing at kickboxing. However, not competitive because even though I'd like to punch another person in the face, I do not want to get punched in the face, I have nice teeth. So, the second choice was good. And I'll probably record more of her. I have another one recorded, pilates but I'm not such a great balancer these days.
I made good food choices, as indicated above. Actually counted out 20 preztels for my evening snack, when I swore I'd never count out food, I totally did. Now, I don't really count my calories, but I am vaguely aware of what I have going on. Again, just sticking with the better choices here.
So, after my second work out Dr. Phil happened to be on when I stopped the DVR'ed program (not a verb) and I hear something about 'my wife is fat, I want her to lose weight, I'm embarrassed to go out in public with her..blah blah blah". So, I recorded it. And now I'm watching it, and he's the guy I'd like to kickbox. She gained a lot of weight in the first 4 years of their marriage, namely 80 pounds during her pregnancy. She went from a size 2 to a size 22. Yes, all unhealthy, I'm sure she's very aware that she's unhealthy. But he decides to SHAME her into losing the weight by calling her names, making fun of her, etc. etc. Are you kidding me? That's like wanting your kid to do his homework and telling him he's too stupid to get a good grade anyway. Let me explain something about fat people, we do not want to talk to ANYONE about our fatness unless we bring it up first. And we do not want you to say anything, just nod your head, smile, say "tell me what to do to support you and I'll do it." Don't make suggestions, unless solicited, don't show me articles about people losing weight, don't even comment about your Cousin LuLu who gained a few pounds since the last time you saw her. We are 100% 24/7 aware that we are fat and that we need to lose weight. If we lose a pound, don't ask us what we weigh now. We will tell you if we want to. And if we say to you for 6 years that we want to lose weight, if we cry about it, if we try for a day and don't do it, if we lose 15 pounds (be proud) and then gain it back, just continue to say you'll support us in whatever decision we make. If we decide to stay fat, you love us, if we decide to lose weight you love us. I have always had the support, it wasn't anyone but myself that held me back the last many years. I know this, I verbalized this and now I'm fixing this. I do realize that this is exactly how an addict feels, funny how fatness and addiction shadow each other a little....
With that being said. There is something so liberating in the therapy of this blog. I never in a million years would have thought THIS is what I'd be eventually blogging about (yes, because for a million years I've been thinking about it...). I always thought I'd blog about the funny (ok, hilarious) stories I tell, or I'd blog about being in a blended family (yeah, I'm not expert on that, that's for sure), or I'd blog about all the letters I want to write to people before I die (not morbid...I swear, just words I need to say). If anyone other than myself would have suggested it as a joke to my friend I never would have even considered it. Yup, totally said it as a joke. Then, to write it and share it was a whole new thing to me. I thought I'd write it, maybe share it with a few close friends, never just ...share it with whomever! (whoever..?)
That's today!
My first workout was "Dance and be Fit: Old School Hip Hop" (yessssssssssss). It was super fun and no voiceovers...hurray! The girl Sarah Moore (maybe, I'm not 100% sure, I should write this stuff down) was really cute and had a great smile and attitude. I was definitely hot, but again, not dripping sweat and I'd really like to get to dripping sweat at least once a day. And I really needed it to energize me, as I'm exhausted from last night, it really didnt' energize me, but I'm not falling asleep on the couch anymore. I would also like to comment that I think dancers have amazing bodies, dancers and professional soccer players, those are my two favorites. (Yes, you did not need to know that, I realize this.)
So, something else exciting happened today. I sat down to eat lunch, soup, mmm. And normally I'd eat soup AND a sandwich (maybe 2, depending on who was watching) or soup AND chips (maybe two bowls depending on who was watching), soup and something. However, about 4 bites from the end of my soup and half a piece of bread with just peanut butter, I was full! YAY, day 3 and my stomach is already coming on board with this new change. Hurray for my stomach!
The second workout was "In Shape with Sharon Mann" and today she did boxing. I sweated...yippee!! (Um, is sweated a word or is it just sweat?) So, I love when the instructors have helpers, because the helpers usually either crack me up or totally motivate me for whatever reason. Anyway, Sharon Mann had 4 helpers today. One was cracking me up!!! She was so spunky (because I do not want to claim she was on crack, I pick spunky). If we were supposed to hop, she was jumping. If we were supposed to punch she was hopping and punching, it was awesome. Okay, it was a little annoying, it's like the doing the electric slide at a wedding and there's always that girl who's practically stripping during it, making it the sex-tric slide (yeah, I went there...what?). But I liked her and the work out was really good, I'm pretty sure I'd be amazing at kickboxing. However, not competitive because even though I'd like to punch another person in the face, I do not want to get punched in the face, I have nice teeth. So, the second choice was good. And I'll probably record more of her. I have another one recorded, pilates but I'm not such a great balancer these days.
I made good food choices, as indicated above. Actually counted out 20 preztels for my evening snack, when I swore I'd never count out food, I totally did. Now, I don't really count my calories, but I am vaguely aware of what I have going on. Again, just sticking with the better choices here.
So, after my second work out Dr. Phil happened to be on when I stopped the DVR'ed program (not a verb) and I hear something about 'my wife is fat, I want her to lose weight, I'm embarrassed to go out in public with her..blah blah blah". So, I recorded it. And now I'm watching it, and he's the guy I'd like to kickbox. She gained a lot of weight in the first 4 years of their marriage, namely 80 pounds during her pregnancy. She went from a size 2 to a size 22. Yes, all unhealthy, I'm sure she's very aware that she's unhealthy. But he decides to SHAME her into losing the weight by calling her names, making fun of her, etc. etc. Are you kidding me? That's like wanting your kid to do his homework and telling him he's too stupid to get a good grade anyway. Let me explain something about fat people, we do not want to talk to ANYONE about our fatness unless we bring it up first. And we do not want you to say anything, just nod your head, smile, say "tell me what to do to support you and I'll do it." Don't make suggestions, unless solicited, don't show me articles about people losing weight, don't even comment about your Cousin LuLu who gained a few pounds since the last time you saw her. We are 100% 24/7 aware that we are fat and that we need to lose weight. If we lose a pound, don't ask us what we weigh now. We will tell you if we want to. And if we say to you for 6 years that we want to lose weight, if we cry about it, if we try for a day and don't do it, if we lose 15 pounds (be proud) and then gain it back, just continue to say you'll support us in whatever decision we make. If we decide to stay fat, you love us, if we decide to lose weight you love us. I have always had the support, it wasn't anyone but myself that held me back the last many years. I know this, I verbalized this and now I'm fixing this. I do realize that this is exactly how an addict feels, funny how fatness and addiction shadow each other a little....
With that being said. There is something so liberating in the therapy of this blog. I never in a million years would have thought THIS is what I'd be eventually blogging about (yes, because for a million years I've been thinking about it...). I always thought I'd blog about the funny (ok, hilarious) stories I tell, or I'd blog about being in a blended family (yeah, I'm not expert on that, that's for sure), or I'd blog about all the letters I want to write to people before I die (not morbid...I swear, just words I need to say). If anyone other than myself would have suggested it as a joke to my friend I never would have even considered it. Yup, totally said it as a joke. Then, to write it and share it was a whole new thing to me. I thought I'd write it, maybe share it with a few close friends, never just ...share it with whomever! (whoever..?)
That's today!
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