I don't know if I'm at like 2 weeks or week 3. But it seems like I'm still a little bit in the transition period of this 'no pooing'. The first week didn't bother me at all. Now it's this weird combination of 'is my hair greasy or dry'. One minute it'll feel a little greasy the next it has soooo many fly aways and looks very dried out! My hair is pulled back most of the time, and when it's down I can usually work it out so it doesn't look ridiculous. I have used a little product on it, not shampoo or conditioner, but usually a little smoothing serum and I did spray it with leave in conditioner last week sometime and a few nights ago I used "curl booster", but nothing crazy, I've never used a lot of product in my hair, well once I got out of high school when aqua net was one of my best friends. I definitely am still about this and am sticking with it. My hair has definitely gotten some curl back. I decided to go get a trim last night, it's been 6 months or so and the girl even noticed it was dried out. She had no clue that I don't use shampoo/conditioner, so that's good! Weird, that it's dried out, I was definitely expecting it to be greasy. I don't know if it's the weather or my method, but I can fix dried out easier than greasy, so I'm going with it.
Here's a few things I have learned. First, I really only "wash" every 5 days, this works for me, at least for the first few weeks. I would recommend to REALLY try to last 5 days and just push through the transition period. I still have the urge occasionally to shampoo/condition my hair, simply because of the lathering, the routine, the habit (more about habits at some point), but I'm excited to see how my hair will be in a few months, so I resist. If you're trying to get body back in your hair: There was a time months ago where I would only brush my hair before the shower, because I thought it helped with my curls. Only to realize that when I had to brush it again in a few days I was ripping my hair out of my head, no matter how careful I was being. So...if you're wanting your hair to get some natural wave/curl back I wouldn't recommend not combing your hair, instead just avoid putting it in a pony tail until it's totally dry. And since I stay at home, pretty much all the time, my hair is always in a pony tail, it's hard to not do it, but I've been resisting. And it's especially been hard not to considering this transition period, but I'm sticking it out.. Secondly (okay I realize that everything I said under "first" does not go together, I've never claimed to be a grammar specialist/or whatever), keep your mouth closed really tight when putting this stuff in your hair. It's obviously going to be very runny, it's well a cup of water really. As far as I tip my head back (and yes, I do currently have a double back neck, that really cute roll of fat in the back of my neck that when I throw my head back in laughter - or to wash it - shows up, and probably inhibits how far back my head will actually go, whatever) I still tend to get a little bit of stuff on my face and you'll taste it. It's not exactly yummy. Thirdly, DO NOT shave your legs BEFORE you do this. The water/vinegar mixture will run down your freshly shaven legs and it will burn, badly! So, just wait to shave until after you've washed. I also wash my body last, just in case there's any smell of vinegar. I have not noticed any greasy smell or dirty smell in my hair , my hair actually smells pleasant but I do plan on getting some essential oil and I've had my husband smell it multiple times and no vinegar smell either. When I actually take the time to edit my photos (thanks Pinterest - I'm a new member) I will post pictures of my hair. I think I should have one from each week.
I was at dinner Monday night with some ladies from church, it was a great night really. And mentioned something about not shampooing anymore, which most people just ask about, no judgement. My hair doesn't stink or look gross by any means. But when I came home and told my husband that the subject came up he said "you probably shouldn't advertise that." Does he know me at all???!! I have no issues being an open book to my life, past, present or future. I'm not ashamed of anything I've done in the past or choose to do now, I'm human! I think what he was REALLY saying was "people already think you're weird, why give them anymore ammunition?" And, well, that's probably true.
One of the biggest desires of my heart is to NEVER let a person in front of me at the grocery store pay for their groceries, or the person behind me in the drive thruchapstick my aunt makes, to buy like 100 from her and walk around with them and just randomly hand them out to people (obviously this will help my aunt too), to make the phone calls I say I will make, to open my doors when another mom needs a day out or a date with their husband, or any of those things. To quit always talking about myself and actually start listening to people and asking questions.
At one point I thought how amazing it would be to collect the stories of my congregation at my church and make a book about it. When someone had a prayer request, a need, a struggle, then we'd know who to send them through, someone who's been through the same thing. Or just to be a book that will encourage someone that's going through anything at all.
That's it for today! Yes, random, with no purpose, my English teacher would have NEVER accepted this paper :)
Friday, December 16, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
For my Friend And Soon to be First Time Mom
My good friend, Terrie, is soon to have her first baby. She swears she knows nothing, I'm sure her instincts will kick in, but when she swears her husbands knows nothing, this I will believe. However, I told her today I would blog about things a first time mom should know, I have no instructions but I do have stuff to say...
First, during pregnancy, no matter how organized you think you are, you probably aren't. The "mom mush brain" starts during this time, you will forget every day things and it continues until your child is much older. This is fine, you can always blame the "mom mush brain" for phone calls you forgot to make, mismatched socks or the baby picture you forgot to bring to the baby shower. It's a great idea to try to be organized, but after baby gets here, you will rearrange things like 100 times, this is normal.
At the hospital, you "lose" things. Whatever they open for you, you get to take home. If you are only there 48 hours (normal delivery) you will probably not have as much luck at this, as I do, since I am there 72 hours, but by all means try, and the nurses know what you are doing, so they wont' judge you. When they open the pack of diapers, pretend to change the baby's diaper every 15 minutes or so (instead shoving them into a diaper bag) and they will open a new pack of diapers for you, that you get to take home. If they have to give your baby Tylenol for any means and they only use it once they are "supposed" to throw it in the trash, some nurse will wink at you and leave it on the table, others will throw it away just take it, it's totally fine. You will also get these pads that are the biggest, non adult diaper pads you've ever seen, take them home, not only are they free, but they are also very absorbent and comfortable, and if you happen to go through like 25 in a day, they will bring you more. The hospital issued pacifiers are the greatest, lose them, a lot, they will bring you new ones! (Although my kids never took them anyway.) You will also receive a free diaper bag (at least this is the case in most hospitals), it contains free sample, if you tell them you are nursing the formula sample is small, if you tell them you are formula feeding the sample is much bigger, if you want the bigger sample just tell them. ALSO, hide it as soon as you get it, then if the nurse on the second shift notices you don't have one, you may be offered a second one. Do not feel bad about taking it, formula DOES NOT cost $25/can to make this I promise you. The diaper bag is not exactly useful, but you'll feel better by donating it to the local Goodwill or whatever, someone will use it. Or you can use it as the 'back up' diaper bag you leave in the car, for those cicircumstances that you forgot the real diaper bag or the baby poops through two outfits, or you forgot to restock the diapers in the real one, etc.
During delivery, the nurses will teach you and coach you through everything you need to know. There is NOTHING they haven't seen, seriously, nothing, and if you do gross stuff they will not even tell you it happened, they will move on, you will be none the wiser. You will not see your doctor until like the baby is almost out, get to know your nurses, they will DEFINITELY get to know you in ways you never imagined. When your water breaks (either on it's on or if they have to do it), it smells like Chlorine, I have no idea why, but I personally think it's because if gives a woman a sense of clean during a time that's very messy. There are things that may happen that you never read about in books (for me, it was vomiting and shaking) however, again, the nurses have seen it, nothing you do or your body does will scare them or even really panic them. They are the calmest people I've ever met on the planet. By all means, ASK for the pain medicine every 3 hours, you get to push a button and be demanding and someone walks a cup of water and pain medicine to you, this will probably not happen at home, so take advantage. Also, you have to follow your instincts (for example, I was told not to nurse my son until after his circumcision, the doctor was 3 hours late, by the time little man got out of surgery he was so insanely hungry he wouldn't latch again, my mothering instinct told me to feed him, the nurses told me not to, I wish I would have listened to my instincts). The instincts apply to many things, use them they your greatest resource.
After baby gets here you will find out things that came easily before are no longer easy, if not down right impossible. For me, it was mostly getting to places on time. Now, I wasn't always good at that as it was, but now it's so much worse. Even if you're not taking baby with you OR let's say you get totally organized (or so you think) the night before, something will happen. The baby will poop everywhere, or decide to take 2 hours to drink 1 bottle of milk, when it normally takes them 20 minutes. Or, the baby doesn't wake at 6:45 or before, like usual, and you have set your alarm for 6:45, I promise you those extra 15 minutes of sleep or so worth it to show up late. I feel like if my kids don't wake me up, I have no reason to be out of bed yet. If you had a clear car before baby, it will no longer be clean. Maybe not at first, but soon, very soon, she will hold her own bottle, then decide to throw it, or she will need 17 toys at one time, only to watch them slowly fall off her lap onto the floor and you won't pick them up when you go inside because your hands are always full! You will always be carrying at least one bag, if you are a purse carrier, you will be carrying two bags. At first you will thank that you'll just carry your stuff in the diaper bag, this will not be as easy as you think and you will eventually carry two bags. Then there's always a bottle in your hand for baby and maybe a bottle of water in your hand for yourself. Not to mention keys, possibly a cell phone (because we KNOW those maternity pants that you still have to wear briefly after baby DO NOT have pockets that can carry anything other than a tic tac...yes ONE tic tac, not ONE container of tic tacs). The car seat + the baby weighs probably 123982912 pounds, when you put baby in for the first time it's like this "awww, look how little she looks in that big car seat" then you have to carry it in and out of places and you think your child weighs that of an adult elephant. And there is no easy way to carry those things, they are big, heavy and insanely awkward, you will use more wet or dirty carts that you ever thought, AND you will also park closer to cart corrals simply because it's faster and easier to put carts away.
Some hospitals require that you take these "classes", mine were conveniently located on a touch screen video that just came down from over my head, and I could lay in bed and watch them. They might not be required, but I was there 5 days last time, and didn't have many visitors so...I watched them. The nurses DO NOT think it's funny to laugh at the videos, they are apparently very serious, but I promise you it's also very funny. Speaking of funny, the maconium (I totally spelled that wrong) poop is probably the funniest moment you'll ever have in your life. I hope someone who finds poop as equally as funny as I do is there to enjoy this moment with you. For me, with both children my sister was there and when I was changing a regular pee diaper and I pushed baby's legs back to put the new diaper under, that motion somehow squeezed the tiny little belly and the blackest (or purplest, I cannot decide which color it is) poop you've ever seen comes screaming out, luckily both times I've had the new diaper in place, but the whole thing was so funny! IF you had a normal delivery, cross your legs, you may pee (not on purpose, those sort of things just happen now, this should be added to things that you thought were easy that are almost impossible now - holding your pee), if you've had a c-section, you need to brace your stomach with a soft pillow when you laugh, because it will hurt, and then it'll be so funny that it's hurting that you'll laugh even more or that might be the medicine, whatever.
There will also come a moment at the hospital that you realize you are going to have to do this on your own. This may be overwhelming, for me, it was beyond that. I actually walked out to the nurses station in tears, they did not freak out, again, they've seen it all. They helped me through, answered any questions I had but the thought of going home and doing it alone (yes, we have husbands, but we're the mom) was a little more than I could handle for a few moments. These feelings are very normal, but if for some reason they linger longer than you feel is "normal" you should probably tell someone, but you are probably not nearly as neurotic as I am....
And finally, being a mom means, not panicking. If you react, your child will react. Which means if you over-react, so will your kid. If you child wants to use your nasty flip flop as her teething ring, there is no harm in that. If you decide not to make every person sanitize up to their elbows every time they touch your baby, that is fine. If all those neat little contraptions that you bought for baby (or got as a gift) your baby never even touches, it's totally fine, there is nothing wrong with your kid, just blame the product.
And when all else fails call your mom or hand baby to daddy and breathe!!!!
First, during pregnancy, no matter how organized you think you are, you probably aren't. The "mom mush brain" starts during this time, you will forget every day things and it continues until your child is much older. This is fine, you can always blame the "mom mush brain" for phone calls you forgot to make, mismatched socks or the baby picture you forgot to bring to the baby shower. It's a great idea to try to be organized, but after baby gets here, you will rearrange things like 100 times, this is normal.
At the hospital, you "lose" things. Whatever they open for you, you get to take home. If you are only there 48 hours (normal delivery) you will probably not have as much luck at this, as I do, since I am there 72 hours, but by all means try, and the nurses know what you are doing, so they wont' judge you. When they open the pack of diapers, pretend to change the baby's diaper every 15 minutes or so (instead shoving them into a diaper bag) and they will open a new pack of diapers for you, that you get to take home. If they have to give your baby Tylenol for any means and they only use it once they are "supposed" to throw it in the trash, some nurse will wink at you and leave it on the table, others will throw it away just take it, it's totally fine. You will also get these pads that are the biggest, non adult diaper pads you've ever seen, take them home, not only are they free, but they are also very absorbent and comfortable, and if you happen to go through like 25 in a day, they will bring you more. The hospital issued pacifiers are the greatest, lose them, a lot, they will bring you new ones! (Although my kids never took them anyway.) You will also receive a free diaper bag (at least this is the case in most hospitals), it contains free sample, if you tell them you are nursing the formula sample is small, if you tell them you are formula feeding the sample is much bigger, if you want the bigger sample just tell them. ALSO, hide it as soon as you get it, then if the nurse on the second shift notices you don't have one, you may be offered a second one. Do not feel bad about taking it, formula DOES NOT cost $25/can to make this I promise you. The diaper bag is not exactly useful, but you'll feel better by donating it to the local Goodwill or whatever, someone will use it. Or you can use it as the 'back up' diaper bag you leave in the car, for those cicircumstances that you forgot the real diaper bag or the baby poops through two outfits, or you forgot to restock the diapers in the real one, etc.
During delivery, the nurses will teach you and coach you through everything you need to know. There is NOTHING they haven't seen, seriously, nothing, and if you do gross stuff they will not even tell you it happened, they will move on, you will be none the wiser. You will not see your doctor until like the baby is almost out, get to know your nurses, they will DEFINITELY get to know you in ways you never imagined. When your water breaks (either on it's on or if they have to do it), it smells like Chlorine, I have no idea why, but I personally think it's because if gives a woman a sense of clean during a time that's very messy. There are things that may happen that you never read about in books (for me, it was vomiting and shaking) however, again, the nurses have seen it, nothing you do or your body does will scare them or even really panic them. They are the calmest people I've ever met on the planet. By all means, ASK for the pain medicine every 3 hours, you get to push a button and be demanding and someone walks a cup of water and pain medicine to you, this will probably not happen at home, so take advantage. Also, you have to follow your instincts (for example, I was told not to nurse my son until after his circumcision, the doctor was 3 hours late, by the time little man got out of surgery he was so insanely hungry he wouldn't latch again, my mothering instinct told me to feed him, the nurses told me not to, I wish I would have listened to my instincts). The instincts apply to many things, use them they your greatest resource.
After baby gets here you will find out things that came easily before are no longer easy, if not down right impossible. For me, it was mostly getting to places on time. Now, I wasn't always good at that as it was, but now it's so much worse. Even if you're not taking baby with you OR let's say you get totally organized (or so you think) the night before, something will happen. The baby will poop everywhere, or decide to take 2 hours to drink 1 bottle of milk, when it normally takes them 20 minutes. Or, the baby doesn't wake at 6:45 or before, like usual, and you have set your alarm for 6:45, I promise you those extra 15 minutes of sleep or so worth it to show up late. I feel like if my kids don't wake me up, I have no reason to be out of bed yet. If you had a clear car before baby, it will no longer be clean. Maybe not at first, but soon, very soon, she will hold her own bottle, then decide to throw it, or she will need 17 toys at one time, only to watch them slowly fall off her lap onto the floor and you won't pick them up when you go inside because your hands are always full! You will always be carrying at least one bag, if you are a purse carrier, you will be carrying two bags. At first you will thank that you'll just carry your stuff in the diaper bag, this will not be as easy as you think and you will eventually carry two bags. Then there's always a bottle in your hand for baby and maybe a bottle of water in your hand for yourself. Not to mention keys, possibly a cell phone (because we KNOW those maternity pants that you still have to wear briefly after baby DO NOT have pockets that can carry anything other than a tic tac...yes ONE tic tac, not ONE container of tic tacs). The car seat + the baby weighs probably 123982912 pounds, when you put baby in for the first time it's like this "awww, look how little she looks in that big car seat" then you have to carry it in and out of places and you think your child weighs that of an adult elephant. And there is no easy way to carry those things, they are big, heavy and insanely awkward, you will use more wet or dirty carts that you ever thought, AND you will also park closer to cart corrals simply because it's faster and easier to put carts away.
Some hospitals require that you take these "classes", mine were conveniently located on a touch screen video that just came down from over my head, and I could lay in bed and watch them. They might not be required, but I was there 5 days last time, and didn't have many visitors so...I watched them. The nurses DO NOT think it's funny to laugh at the videos, they are apparently very serious, but I promise you it's also very funny. Speaking of funny, the maconium (I totally spelled that wrong) poop is probably the funniest moment you'll ever have in your life. I hope someone who finds poop as equally as funny as I do is there to enjoy this moment with you. For me, with both children my sister was there and when I was changing a regular pee diaper and I pushed baby's legs back to put the new diaper under, that motion somehow squeezed the tiny little belly and the blackest (or purplest, I cannot decide which color it is) poop you've ever seen comes screaming out, luckily both times I've had the new diaper in place, but the whole thing was so funny! IF you had a normal delivery, cross your legs, you may pee (not on purpose, those sort of things just happen now, this should be added to things that you thought were easy that are almost impossible now - holding your pee), if you've had a c-section, you need to brace your stomach with a soft pillow when you laugh, because it will hurt, and then it'll be so funny that it's hurting that you'll laugh even more or that might be the medicine, whatever.
There will also come a moment at the hospital that you realize you are going to have to do this on your own. This may be overwhelming, for me, it was beyond that. I actually walked out to the nurses station in tears, they did not freak out, again, they've seen it all. They helped me through, answered any questions I had but the thought of going home and doing it alone (yes, we have husbands, but we're the mom) was a little more than I could handle for a few moments. These feelings are very normal, but if for some reason they linger longer than you feel is "normal" you should probably tell someone, but you are probably not nearly as neurotic as I am....
And finally, being a mom means, not panicking. If you react, your child will react. Which means if you over-react, so will your kid. If you child wants to use your nasty flip flop as her teething ring, there is no harm in that. If you decide not to make every person sanitize up to their elbows every time they touch your baby, that is fine. If all those neat little contraptions that you bought for baby (or got as a gift) your baby never even touches, it's totally fine, there is nothing wrong with your kid, just blame the product.
And when all else fails call your mom or hand baby to daddy and breathe!!!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Let's try no 'pooing...
I probably shouldn't admit this, but let's be honest, I say A LOT of things I probably shouldn't. But, I CANNOT be the only woman on Earth who gets like 5 really annoying, random hairs on my chin that are like coarse and disgusting and grow at random intervals and are never there at the same time and when you go to pluck them you can NEVER find them. And when you pluck one, like 2 days later there's another one that's as long as your forearm. How does this happen????
Here's something new. I have decided to quit shampooing my hair, or as many people call it "No 'Pooing" and some of you probably think I'm doing it, just so I can say I'm not pooing, and as much as I LOVE saying it, it's not why I decided. There are a few reasons. Number one, I really do not like buying and paying for shampoo and conditioner, especially once I knew that all your doing it stripping your hair of it's natural oils and then putting some back in. That doesn't even make sense. It's like rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher (okay, it's not like that because I totally do that, but it might be like that for some people). Or maybe it's like brushing your teeth before you get in the shower, just do it at the same time, geez (that's more like me). So, upon reading this post written by a friend of a totally awesome friend, I thought hmmm...how interesting. And, the idea of possibly getting back some of my curls is great too! THEN, to be honest, which I try to always be, I only shampoo my hair twice a week as it is, MAYBE three times, if we're out of the house a lot. I do love my hair, so whatever I can do to keep it healthy is good by me.
The last time I used shamp/cond was last Wednesday, then on Sunday I rinsed my hair in the shower (other than that I just didn't get my hair wet when I showered) Then yesterday I actually "washed" my hair and it is GREAT! Well, first, let me explain DO NOT make the baking soda/water mixture with cold water and then got into a hot shower and try to dump it on your head, that was really dumb. But whatever, I did it. I actually used 2 tablespoons of baking soda, versus 1 and I was sort of wanting a fizzy feeling or something, I guess we're all so used the "suds", but nothing really happened. I "massaged" it into my scalp/hair. Then rinsed, then did the 1 tablespoon vinegar with 1 cup of water (hot water from the shower this time) and dumped it on my hair, rinsed. So, got out of the shower, combed through my hair and that was that. My hair is actually really soft and not at all greasy and I made my best friend smell it, it doesnt' smell weird at all, it actually smelled sort of good. So, hurray, week 1 a success!
I'm not by any means a "crunchy" mom, we buy LOTS of boxed foods, I drink a lot of soda and give my kid juice and koolaid, I don't think I even have anything "green" or even organic in my house. And we only recycle aluminum, because they'll pay me for it, everything else goes in the trash, and I honestly feel no remorse for it. My parents pretty much recycled everything, not because they cared about the environment, the only reason they recycled was because they refused to pay for trash pick up and so the recycled everything they could and burned what they couldn't. Sounds reasonable to me. One day I will get better, not for any other reason that I'm thrifty and if it'll help my kids in any way (body, mind, etc) I will gladly try it. But, obviously, I'm slow to all things I do, so I will get around to it!
So, on a "healthy" note, I have officially decided to dump the soda at of January 1st. Last year I started the diet, then some hot guy that lives with me and gave me a big ole rock like 8 1/2 years ago (okay, my husband) knocked me up (hurray!), so that came to an end after a poor showing of only 21 pounds in about 6 months. But, whatever, I'm past it, next year is a brand new year with NO chances of getting pregnant! My daughter was very colic, for about 5 months, it was pretty miserable, I honestly don't remember those 5 months much. I drank 2 caffeinated sodas a day and then tried to stay off the caffeine as best as I could, but, I didn't sleep, so I really needed it. So, I decided, what if by some freak chance Kiwi could possibly be addicted to caffeine or soda pre
You know, I kind of feel like writing about my dad, so I think I'll go do that.
Here's something new. I have decided to quit shampooing my hair, or as many people call it "No 'Pooing" and some of you probably think I'm doing it, just so I can say I'm not pooing, and as much as I LOVE saying it, it's not why I decided. There are a few reasons. Number one, I really do not like buying and paying for shampoo and conditioner, especially once I knew that all your doing it stripping your hair of it's natural oils and then putting some back in. That doesn't even make sense. It's like rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher (okay, it's not like that because I totally do that, but it might be like that for some people). Or maybe it's like brushing your teeth before you get in the shower, just do it at the same time, geez (that's more like me). So, upon reading this post written by a friend of a totally awesome friend, I thought hmmm...how interesting. And, the idea of possibly getting back some of my curls is great too! THEN, to be honest, which I try to always be, I only shampoo my hair twice a week as it is, MAYBE three times, if we're out of the house a lot. I do love my hair, so whatever I can do to keep it healthy is good by me.
The last time I used shamp/cond was last Wednesday, then on Sunday I rinsed my hair in the shower (other than that I just didn't get my hair wet when I showered) Then yesterday I actually "washed" my hair and it is GREAT! Well, first, let me explain DO NOT make the baking soda/water mixture with cold water and then got into a hot shower and try to dump it on your head, that was really dumb. But whatever, I did it. I actually used 2 tablespoons of baking soda, versus 1 and I was sort of wanting a fizzy feeling or something, I guess we're all so used the "suds", but nothing really happened. I "massaged" it into my scalp/hair. Then rinsed, then did the 1 tablespoon vinegar with 1 cup of water (hot water from the shower this time) and dumped it on my hair, rinsed. So, got out of the shower, combed through my hair and that was that. My hair is actually really soft and not at all greasy and I made my best friend smell it, it doesnt' smell weird at all, it actually smelled sort of good. So, hurray, week 1 a success!
I'm not by any means a "crunchy" mom, we buy LOTS of boxed foods, I drink a lot of soda and give my kid juice and koolaid, I don't think I even have anything "green" or even organic in my house. And we only recycle aluminum, because they'll pay me for it, everything else goes in the trash, and I honestly feel no remorse for it. My parents pretty much recycled everything, not because they cared about the environment, the only reason they recycled was because they refused to pay for trash pick up and so the recycled everything they could and burned what they couldn't. Sounds reasonable to me. One day I will get better, not for any other reason that I'm thrifty and if it'll help my kids in any way (body, mind, etc) I will gladly try it. But, obviously, I'm slow to all things I do, so I will get around to it!
So, on a "healthy" note, I have officially decided to dump the soda at of January 1st. Last year I started the diet, then some hot guy that lives with me and gave me a big ole rock like 8 1/2 years ago (okay, my husband) knocked me up (hurray!), so that came to an end after a poor showing of only 21 pounds in about 6 months. But, whatever, I'm past it, next year is a brand new year with NO chances of getting pregnant! My daughter was very colic, for about 5 months, it was pretty miserable, I honestly don't remember those 5 months much. I drank 2 caffeinated sodas a day and then tried to stay off the caffeine as best as I could, but, I didn't sleep, so I really needed it. So, I decided, what if by some freak chance Kiwi could possibly be addicted to caffeine or soda pre
You know, I kind of feel like writing about my dad, so I think I'll go do that.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Being a Mom..
There are so many things I had no idea about before I had kids.
I'll get the most serious one out of the way:
Guilt/Judgement: It'll generally start when your kid(s) is born. A nurse, doctor, friend, family member will just simply question your choice of feeding, or if you're co-sleeping or not, if the coat goes under the car seat straps or over, if you're filing your kids nails or cutting them. And the "harmless advice" will pretty much immediately feel like judgement or guilt. Now, probably not all people are judging your parenting choices, but some people are and whether they are or not, as a parent, it will feel like judgement. I don't know why, and maybe it is just me and I have bigger issues than I thought. I never asked, or I simply didn't care, anyone to wash/sanitize their hands before holding my kids. They are insanely healthy children, but maybe your kids are healthy too and you had people do that. Hearing I'm having a 3rd section raises people eyebrows, like I CHOSE my first one, I promise you I tried to push that kid out of my woo-woo and it just wasn't happening and I did argue the 2nd one. But it may not be the ideal choice or the perfect situation but it's the best for me, my baby and my body.
The guilt/unassuming judgement will continue as your kids get older and sometimes will get worse. If you're a Stay At Home Mom, you'll hear all sorts of judgment. Some people will think you're husband is controlling, and some people will never understand why you don't have extra money to go out to eat or go the movies and then they'll question why you don't try to make extra money to do that sort of thing or they'll judge your husband for not making those resources available to you. And I promise there is your own guilt for not financially contributing to the household, especially if money is tight. People will assume your kids will be behind b/c they aren't in pre-school, they will think they lack social skills or wont' have friends, etc. And if you do work outside the home you'll receive the same judgement and guilt. Your kid is always sick b/c they go to day care, you only have 5 short years before kindergarten, your kid will prefer peers over parents. UGH. It's all whats best for you and your family, I tell myself that everyday but I also hear guilt whispering in my ear. THEN when your kid is in school, to be a room mother or not to be a room mother, to be able to attend field trips, field days, etc, every decision will revolve around the noise in your head. If you have kids in Middle School, don't even get my started, and ESPECIALLY if your kids are spread out in age, and you continue to have kids. "You can't even focus on the kids you have, why are you making more?" Or, you had to miss a concert, game or didn't get to help much on a homework project. People will never understand why those things happened, they don't know you had a colic kid at home or a toddler who hates to be confined or nap time was more important for every one's sanity. And if you only have one kid people will judge that as well. Most people will say that's not true and they don't judge and it's my own fault I turn it into guilt and that's fine, I take full responsibility for my emotions. Guilt is the evilest emotion as far as I'm concerned. And I always tell myself "what other people think doesn't matter" and I put on this tough exterior like it doesn't bother me, but it really does. Judgement can come in the most passive aggressive ways (a very good skill of mine by the way) or it can come with just a look. Maybe I look too much into what people think but when you have kids all you want to do is do a good job and when there's not a lot of positive reinforcement, then I shall use guilt to fuel me.... (ok that was a little dramatic). I have read some of my moms old journals and she also felt the guilt/judgement from being a mom, so I know I'm not alone, just maybe the most dramatic :)
One more point of seriousness:
Safety: I had no clue that I'd think about the safety of my kids 24/7 and yes, I even mean when I'm sleeping. Now, I'm not talking about them getting hurt like breaking an arm, which I don't want to happen. But I do let my kids jump off furniture, ride bikes without helmets and run around outside without shoes on. But they DO NOT go outside without an adult and I check the windows in our house at least once a week to make sure they are locked and I check all the doors every night to make sure they are locked and I WILL NOT let certain people watch my kids because I listen to my motherly instincts, regardless of who thinks it's personal. The thought of one of my kids missing or getting abused makes me so sick to my stomach. Thank God I know my kids are protected by angels and protected by God's grace and provision. But I still think about it, constantly.
Now, onto the not so serious stuff that I never really knew about being a mom:
Stain Remover: There is NO stain remover on the planet that gets out poop, tootsie roll, red koolaid and mac n cheese out of the same shirt at the same time. And just when you think you've found one what works your kids will test it and it'll fail and you'll start searching for a new one! We buy most of our kids clothes (well the little kids) at garage sales (and clearance racks - it's this single income thing) and it truly amazes me when I find clothes that aren't stained. I wont' buy stained clothes and not ALL my kids clothes are stained but seeing an entire collection of kids clothes that are stain free, is amazing to me, and it gives me hope that one day I will find that magic fairy stain remover...
Books: First, my own books, I have had the same 4 books that my sister let me borrow when I had Zoe almost 21 months ago. I'm about 50 pages into two of those books, that is it. I love reading, and yes, I have some attention issues, but I do love reading. But that's not even what I'm talking about, it's my kids books. Again, we buy most of our books at garage sales/resale shops and I'm floored by the books that have both covers and all there pages. How does that happen? We thought Isaac was the ultimate destroyer of things, but he's got nothing on Zoe when it comes to books. She ADORES reading, even has to take a book to bed with her at night and is usually carrying around a book, but she is violent with them. She can rip the cover off of a hard back book and rip an entire hard baby book in half in no time. And let's not even get started on the subject of baby books. We have a book called "Pudgy the Beaver" which I can't even get past the cover because it's so hilarious to me. And the noises they try to spell out in a book will have you saying the most ridiculous things ever, but reading to your kids is good and fun.
Hygiene: As a Stay at Home Mom, I spend 90% of my time within the 4 walls (ish) of my house. Many days I only see and talk to the people in my immediate family and many weeks the only place I go is church, where I help my husband with Children's Church (more kids!). So when I do get around adults I tend to dominate the conversation, it's a terrible habit. But, why is there a reason to go beyond a pony tail? And put on deodorant? I rarely take a shower without at least one kid playing in the cabinets in the bathroom, usually eating lotion or deodorant. Hygiene is a thing of the past after you have kids, especially when you have no where to go.
House Cleaning: Now, I obviously have lots of time on my hands since I don't work out side the home and since that was a choice of mine I probably love cleaning. I do spend time on facebook (cause I never talk to other adults, this is the only way I can), I write in a blog (not often and not always well) and I take online surveys (it's sometimes the only way I reward myself with prizes from the points and what not I accumulate doing them). So, obviously, if I gave all that up (and yes, I often hear about it....) and the DVR I'd probably have a cleaner house AND carry a brick of resentment on my shoulder...no wait, not a brick, a boulder. When I pick up the living room it takes my kids less than 10 minutes to destroy it all over again, and I have to do it all over again and repeating myself is one of my pet peeves. The same goes with wiping the table where they eat. I do not enjoy walking on crumbs (I actually detest this), or making food on dirty counters, or peeing in dirty toilets or tripping on toys. But I do enjoy trying to be "Dawn" at some point in my day and not just wife, mother, maid, cook, etc. And I much prefer to play with my kids other than clean. And yes, sitting here writing this while Zoe sits on my lap and watches Team Umizoomi and points at (pokes) my eyes, nose and mouth 100 times and tells me what they are is playing with my kids.
Whining/Complaining: At some point you will get so accustomed to your kids whining and complaining it almost seems fruitless to continually ask them to stop or even to discipline them for it. But we all try. And when your kids fight, you WANT to intervene, but you also know they have to work it out on their own. The older the child doing the complaining/whining the more draining it is. And when the whiner/complainer is an adult and you are a parent it will literally go in one ear and out the other, but, nontheless be as annoying and draining. I had no idea how much whining/complaining literally, physically can hurt my ears. (I PROMISE you what I'm saying here or in all of my blog posts is not whining/complaining and if you think it is, please quit reading..thank you.)
Poop/Food: If "pooping while mom is eating" was a sport, my kids would hold Olympic Gold Titles in this. During at least one of meals, at least one of my kids will poop and often both of them. One needs a butt wiped on the toilet, one needs a diaper changed. And I've actually helped my daughter 'birth' a poop when she was constipated, yes, disgusting, but it's what you do when your kids needs it, well, what moms do when her kids need it. And whatever you are eating/drinking your kids will see as theirs and want to eat/drink it also. My kids eat probably 10 - 15% of all my food and sometimes even more than that.
So, there's more, but that's what I have today. I would just like to say that I absolutely adore and love my children, they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a 90's hippie that never wanted to get married or have kids and probably would have stayed stoned and stupid the rest of my life but I'm so glad that God never gave up on me and my life is completely different. (Although I'm still sort of a 90s hippie, minus the stoned and stupid part). My kids are truly amazing and weird and beautiful and healthy and I wouldn't change anything in the world for them. They are exactly who I need in my life and bring pure joy to my life everyday. They are 100% a miracle and a true blessing.
I'll get the most serious one out of the way:
Guilt/Judgement: It'll generally start when your kid(s) is born. A nurse, doctor, friend, family member will just simply question your choice of feeding, or if you're co-sleeping or not, if the coat goes under the car seat straps or over, if you're filing your kids nails or cutting them. And the "harmless advice" will pretty much immediately feel like judgement or guilt. Now, probably not all people are judging your parenting choices, but some people are and whether they are or not, as a parent, it will feel like judgement. I don't know why, and maybe it is just me and I have bigger issues than I thought. I never asked, or I simply didn't care, anyone to wash/sanitize their hands before holding my kids. They are insanely healthy children, but maybe your kids are healthy too and you had people do that. Hearing I'm having a 3rd section raises people eyebrows, like I CHOSE my first one, I promise you I tried to push that kid out of my woo-woo and it just wasn't happening and I did argue the 2nd one. But it may not be the ideal choice or the perfect situation but it's the best for me, my baby and my body.
The guilt/unassuming judgement will continue as your kids get older and sometimes will get worse. If you're a Stay At Home Mom, you'll hear all sorts of judgment. Some people will think you're husband is controlling, and some people will never understand why you don't have extra money to go out to eat or go the movies and then they'll question why you don't try to make extra money to do that sort of thing or they'll judge your husband for not making those resources available to you. And I promise there is your own guilt for not financially contributing to the household, especially if money is tight. People will assume your kids will be behind b/c they aren't in pre-school, they will think they lack social skills or wont' have friends, etc. And if you do work outside the home you'll receive the same judgement and guilt. Your kid is always sick b/c they go to day care, you only have 5 short years before kindergarten, your kid will prefer peers over parents. UGH. It's all whats best for you and your family, I tell myself that everyday but I also hear guilt whispering in my ear. THEN when your kid is in school, to be a room mother or not to be a room mother, to be able to attend field trips, field days, etc, every decision will revolve around the noise in your head. If you have kids in Middle School, don't even get my started, and ESPECIALLY if your kids are spread out in age, and you continue to have kids. "You can't even focus on the kids you have, why are you making more?" Or, you had to miss a concert, game or didn't get to help much on a homework project. People will never understand why those things happened, they don't know you had a colic kid at home or a toddler who hates to be confined or nap time was more important for every one's sanity. And if you only have one kid people will judge that as well. Most people will say that's not true and they don't judge and it's my own fault I turn it into guilt and that's fine, I take full responsibility for my emotions. Guilt is the evilest emotion as far as I'm concerned. And I always tell myself "what other people think doesn't matter" and I put on this tough exterior like it doesn't bother me, but it really does. Judgement can come in the most passive aggressive ways (a very good skill of mine by the way) or it can come with just a look. Maybe I look too much into what people think but when you have kids all you want to do is do a good job and when there's not a lot of positive reinforcement, then I shall use guilt to fuel me.... (ok that was a little dramatic). I have read some of my moms old journals and she also felt the guilt/judgement from being a mom, so I know I'm not alone, just maybe the most dramatic :)
One more point of seriousness:
Safety: I had no clue that I'd think about the safety of my kids 24/7 and yes, I even mean when I'm sleeping. Now, I'm not talking about them getting hurt like breaking an arm, which I don't want to happen. But I do let my kids jump off furniture, ride bikes without helmets and run around outside without shoes on. But they DO NOT go outside without an adult and I check the windows in our house at least once a week to make sure they are locked and I check all the doors every night to make sure they are locked and I WILL NOT let certain people watch my kids because I listen to my motherly instincts, regardless of who thinks it's personal. The thought of one of my kids missing or getting abused makes me so sick to my stomach. Thank God I know my kids are protected by angels and protected by God's grace and provision. But I still think about it, constantly.
Now, onto the not so serious stuff that I never really knew about being a mom:
Stain Remover: There is NO stain remover on the planet that gets out poop, tootsie roll, red koolaid and mac n cheese out of the same shirt at the same time. And just when you think you've found one what works your kids will test it and it'll fail and you'll start searching for a new one! We buy most of our kids clothes (well the little kids) at garage sales (and clearance racks - it's this single income thing) and it truly amazes me when I find clothes that aren't stained. I wont' buy stained clothes and not ALL my kids clothes are stained but seeing an entire collection of kids clothes that are stain free, is amazing to me, and it gives me hope that one day I will find that magic fairy stain remover...
Books: First, my own books, I have had the same 4 books that my sister let me borrow when I had Zoe almost 21 months ago. I'm about 50 pages into two of those books, that is it. I love reading, and yes, I have some attention issues, but I do love reading. But that's not even what I'm talking about, it's my kids books. Again, we buy most of our books at garage sales/resale shops and I'm floored by the books that have both covers and all there pages. How does that happen? We thought Isaac was the ultimate destroyer of things, but he's got nothing on Zoe when it comes to books. She ADORES reading, even has to take a book to bed with her at night and is usually carrying around a book, but she is violent with them. She can rip the cover off of a hard back book and rip an entire hard baby book in half in no time. And let's not even get started on the subject of baby books. We have a book called "Pudgy the Beaver" which I can't even get past the cover because it's so hilarious to me. And the noises they try to spell out in a book will have you saying the most ridiculous things ever, but reading to your kids is good and fun.
Hygiene: As a Stay at Home Mom, I spend 90% of my time within the 4 walls (ish) of my house. Many days I only see and talk to the people in my immediate family and many weeks the only place I go is church, where I help my husband with Children's Church (more kids!). So when I do get around adults I tend to dominate the conversation, it's a terrible habit. But, why is there a reason to go beyond a pony tail? And put on deodorant? I rarely take a shower without at least one kid playing in the cabinets in the bathroom, usually eating lotion or deodorant. Hygiene is a thing of the past after you have kids, especially when you have no where to go.
House Cleaning: Now, I obviously have lots of time on my hands since I don't work out side the home and since that was a choice of mine I probably love cleaning. I do spend time on facebook (cause I never talk to other adults, this is the only way I can), I write in a blog (not often and not always well) and I take online surveys (it's sometimes the only way I reward myself with prizes from the points and what not I accumulate doing them). So, obviously, if I gave all that up (and yes, I often hear about it....) and the DVR I'd probably have a cleaner house AND carry a brick of resentment on my shoulder...no wait, not a brick, a boulder. When I pick up the living room it takes my kids less than 10 minutes to destroy it all over again, and I have to do it all over again and repeating myself is one of my pet peeves. The same goes with wiping the table where they eat. I do not enjoy walking on crumbs (I actually detest this), or making food on dirty counters, or peeing in dirty toilets or tripping on toys. But I do enjoy trying to be "Dawn" at some point in my day and not just wife, mother, maid, cook, etc. And I much prefer to play with my kids other than clean. And yes, sitting here writing this while Zoe sits on my lap and watches Team Umizoomi and points at (pokes) my eyes, nose and mouth 100 times and tells me what they are is playing with my kids.
Whining/Complaining: At some point you will get so accustomed to your kids whining and complaining it almost seems fruitless to continually ask them to stop or even to discipline them for it. But we all try. And when your kids fight, you WANT to intervene, but you also know they have to work it out on their own. The older the child doing the complaining/whining the more draining it is. And when the whiner/complainer is an adult and you are a parent it will literally go in one ear and out the other, but, nontheless be as annoying and draining. I had no idea how much whining/complaining literally, physically can hurt my ears. (I PROMISE you what I'm saying here or in all of my blog posts is not whining/complaining and if you think it is, please quit reading..thank you.)
Poop/Food: If "pooping while mom is eating" was a sport, my kids would hold Olympic Gold Titles in this. During at least one of meals, at least one of my kids will poop and often both of them. One needs a butt wiped on the toilet, one needs a diaper changed. And I've actually helped my daughter 'birth' a poop when she was constipated, yes, disgusting, but it's what you do when your kids needs it, well, what moms do when her kids need it. And whatever you are eating/drinking your kids will see as theirs and want to eat/drink it also. My kids eat probably 10 - 15% of all my food and sometimes even more than that.
So, there's more, but that's what I have today. I would just like to say that I absolutely adore and love my children, they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a 90's hippie that never wanted to get married or have kids and probably would have stayed stoned and stupid the rest of my life but I'm so glad that God never gave up on me and my life is completely different. (Although I'm still sort of a 90s hippie, minus the stoned and stupid part). My kids are truly amazing and weird and beautiful and healthy and I wouldn't change anything in the world for them. They are exactly who I need in my life and bring pure joy to my life everyday. They are 100% a miracle and a true blessing.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Queen of Excuses
I keep telling myself, yes, out loud, that I'm going to start all these new amazing habits for myself and for my kids and even as a family. And then I think, I should just wait until new baby gets here because they'll throw the entire schedule off. Then I realize that's ridiculous it would be easier to start them now and adjust later. Then I tell myself I'm going to get through this week or that week. First I need to paint this room, then I have to paint another room (those rooms are done now), then I need to learn to sew curtains (no room has curtains in our house, sad), then I need to carpet clean the entire house, then it'll be like Christmas, which means baking (LOVE baking and love giving baked goods away), and other things that go with Christmas. Then, basically, it's the new year and that means like 2 - 2 1/2 months until baby gets here...so.... yeah...
I'm not really sure where the skill of procrastinating came from. My mom was amazing, cleaning, cooking things from scratch, sewing outfits, curtains, pillows, quilting, canning, gardening, driving us everywhere, I mean she literally did it all. And my dad has always been a motivated kind of guy, you sort of have to be to run a successful Construction business for years! I was always told I never lived up to my potential so maybe procrastinating is me just not living up to my potential?
Speaking of skills, I often think about what skills I do have. I never finished college, I only went one year and I'm pretty sure I only passed half of the classes. I would just like to disclaim that my English professor ( I was a journalism major) did NOT like me and she was the head of her department, I was screwed from the get-go. And she didn't like me because the first paper we had to write we were given free reign on, and I wrote about how I hate being told what to write. Apparently, she really likes telling people what to write. Anyway, I graduated within the top 10% of my high school class, I have no idea how, I was not a fan of high school. It was pretty torturous to me, the first two years, some kid made so much fun of me I cried every day. The last two years, I finally found friends, but we sort of did stupid things, but I somehow managed to keep my grades up at least enough to get into the top 10%. Honestly, my graduating class was not really known for our academics, we had the highest drop out rate in like 30 years.
So I think about what skills I bring to the plate. First, I am AMAZING at changing the subject. And not like my ADHD brother (said in love), I mean I can sense awkwardness and change the subject without people even realizing it happened. I think that's a skill. I am also really good at coming up with these ridiculous house/room painting projects that take way longer than I ever imagined, but look really awesome when I'm done. I have amazing typing skills, although not 100% accurate I can type at about 95% accuracy and about 80+ WPM. I'm pretty sure I have baking skills, even though I don't practice them often, simply because then I eat it (and Jeremy doesn't like having all those sweets around), I do really love it and think I'm pretty good at it. I have this amazing skill of nervous jokes, I tend to talk a lot and make jokes out of everything when I'm nervous (and often when I'm not). Sometimes they are funny, sometimes not so much. Oh, probably one of my greatest skill is how awesome I am at being passive-aggressive. Now, this skill I have had to not use often, because it's so good, I mean like I'm a passive aggressive ninja. Right now, those are the non paying skills I have. Well, technically, all my skills are non paying, even the ones I'm not so good at :)
I'm not really sure where the skill of procrastinating came from. My mom was amazing, cleaning, cooking things from scratch, sewing outfits, curtains, pillows, quilting, canning, gardening, driving us everywhere, I mean she literally did it all. And my dad has always been a motivated kind of guy, you sort of have to be to run a successful Construction business for years! I was always told I never lived up to my potential so maybe procrastinating is me just not living up to my potential?
Speaking of skills, I often think about what skills I do have. I never finished college, I only went one year and I'm pretty sure I only passed half of the classes. I would just like to disclaim that my English professor ( I was a journalism major) did NOT like me and she was the head of her department, I was screwed from the get-go. And she didn't like me because the first paper we had to write we were given free reign on, and I wrote about how I hate being told what to write. Apparently, she really likes telling people what to write. Anyway, I graduated within the top 10% of my high school class, I have no idea how, I was not a fan of high school. It was pretty torturous to me, the first two years, some kid made so much fun of me I cried every day. The last two years, I finally found friends, but we sort of did stupid things, but I somehow managed to keep my grades up at least enough to get into the top 10%. Honestly, my graduating class was not really known for our academics, we had the highest drop out rate in like 30 years.
So I think about what skills I bring to the plate. First, I am AMAZING at changing the subject. And not like my ADHD brother (said in love), I mean I can sense awkwardness and change the subject without people even realizing it happened. I think that's a skill. I am also really good at coming up with these ridiculous house/room painting projects that take way longer than I ever imagined, but look really awesome when I'm done. I have amazing typing skills, although not 100% accurate I can type at about 95% accuracy and about 80+ WPM. I'm pretty sure I have baking skills, even though I don't practice them often, simply because then I eat it (and Jeremy doesn't like having all those sweets around), I do really love it and think I'm pretty good at it. I have this amazing skill of nervous jokes, I tend to talk a lot and make jokes out of everything when I'm nervous (and often when I'm not). Sometimes they are funny, sometimes not so much. Oh, probably one of my greatest skill is how awesome I am at being passive-aggressive. Now, this skill I have had to not use often, because it's so good, I mean like I'm a passive aggressive ninja. Right now, those are the non paying skills I have. Well, technically, all my skills are non paying, even the ones I'm not so good at :)
Friday, October 21, 2011
Feeling Sentimental! The story of my miracle of children!
I've been praying over my baby and pregnancy everyday with the amazing words from the amazing book that I got!! I'm feeling so much better and can finally start to see a "glow" that instead of being the sweat from vomiting is now just the glow of knowing what a miracle God has done in my life.
Jeremy and I immediately started trying to have children when we got married in July 2003. He already had kids and they lived with us, so it's not like it would change things. Plus my mom was desperate to my a grandma (Nana, as we call her now) and I wanted nothing more than to bless her with grandchildren! In November 2003 I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, basically that means the baby got stuck in my tubes and my right tube (I believe) had burst. I remember my mom being at the hospital with me when they finally told me that I had to go into surgery. The nurse said "Pick a good dream" and I went to sleep and dreamed of a red headed little girl that I was pushing on a swing set, she is Rebecca, and she is in heaven with her maker and sadly joined by her Nana only a few short months later!
The loss of my mom in January 2004 spun me into something I never knew existed and honestly wish I never had to know. And in the midst of my grief we were in the middle of a major court battle with my step children, truly finding out how heinous and horrible people can really be, it was probably the saddest and loneliest time of my life. (If my marriage can not only survive but thrive through my first year of our marriage, than I truly believe any marriage can make it! - And we only knew each other 10 months before we got married, that alone is a true miracle.) Over the next many years we experienced 3 miscarriages, early ones, anywhere from 6 - 8 weeks along but it didn't matter they were all babies to me.
In April 2006, Jesse Duplantis was a guest speaker at our church. During prayer time the Holy Spirit prompted him to ask if anyone was having problems getting pregnant and wanted special prayer to come to the front of church and he'd pray for them. Well, I JUMPED over people to get to the front of the church. I know it wasn't Jesse Duplantis, I know for sure that it was God just boosting my faith. We never had another issue and in January 2007 I decided to get my body in line with my faith, I lost 18 pounds and was soon pregnant.
October 22, 2007 Isaac James was born!! There was never a real explanation of what was causing my miscarriages, low progesterone was the only thought and the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy with Isaac I had to take progesterone pills. Jeremy knew I wanted more children, I wanted 2 more, Isaac was already number 4 for him so I wasn't sure how many more he was willing to have. I knew one more and I was eager pretty immediately after Isaac. Jeremy reassured me that God will prompt him on the timing and he'd let me know when the time was right. And he kept that promise. In February 2009 he said we could try again, 3 short months later we were pregnant without any issues or complications and in February 2010 I got my gorgeous baby girl Zoe. I sort of never felt done having kids after Zoe, regardless that she was colic and has been a pretty fussy baby since something deep inside felt that I needed/wanted one more. Jeremy, however, didn't feel the same. Yet God had another miracle waiting for me, in His perfect timing and He didnt' even feel the need to let either of us know before hand, coming in March 2012!
THREE babies for me when I never thought one was possible! I would cry every month for 4 1/2 years, and Jeremy told me to rest my faith on his. I had to, I was too emotionally involved in this. I lost my mom, my grandma, uncles, aunts, and so many people in those 4 1/2 years I NEEDED the 'circle of life' to make sense to me. Nothing made sense. Mothers would drown their babies, and mothers would abuse their children (and get away with it) as I found out first hand and it didn't seem like I could have any. And the thought of NOT having my mom here, to be a motherless mom, was tortuous but the desire to have a baby was greater than the grief.
Many times I look at my kids and just cry for them that they don't have Nana here, and many times I cry for myself because I need a break and don't often get them. We often laugh that my mom would pitch a tent in my front yard to be close to her grand kids, that they'd stay at her house more than they'd stay at mine, that she would have quit her job the day Isaac was born and never would have went back. But I cry mostly because as much as my children are loved and they are SOOOO loved, they are missing the love from the person that mattered the most to me in my life, the person that loved me the most.
Dont' worry, today I'm not sad, I'm so happy. Isaac is an amazing little man. Everyday he tells me "Mommy, you cute and beautiful" and he kisses my wedding ring. He hugs me all the time, he is full of energy and creativity. He's a great helper and he loves the Lord. He raises his hands during worship and many time dances, he recites Philippians 4:19 every night at bedtime. He adores Zoe and the new baby which he calls Cocky. He's so beautiful, he's a happy kid and laughs at everything! The love I have for my children is something I never thought possible and I'm so grateful that I get to know that love. And one day, not only do I get to be reunited with my mom and many other loved ones but my other babies!!! I often tell God not to be offended if the first person I want to see when I get to heaven is not Jesus, but my mom, He doesn't mind :)
So, Happy 4th birthday to a true miracle!!!
Jeremy and I immediately started trying to have children when we got married in July 2003. He already had kids and they lived with us, so it's not like it would change things. Plus my mom was desperate to my a grandma (Nana, as we call her now) and I wanted nothing more than to bless her with grandchildren! In November 2003 I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, basically that means the baby got stuck in my tubes and my right tube (I believe) had burst. I remember my mom being at the hospital with me when they finally told me that I had to go into surgery. The nurse said "Pick a good dream" and I went to sleep and dreamed of a red headed little girl that I was pushing on a swing set, she is Rebecca, and she is in heaven with her maker and sadly joined by her Nana only a few short months later!
The loss of my mom in January 2004 spun me into something I never knew existed and honestly wish I never had to know. And in the midst of my grief we were in the middle of a major court battle with my step children, truly finding out how heinous and horrible people can really be, it was probably the saddest and loneliest time of my life. (If my marriage can not only survive but thrive through my first year of our marriage, than I truly believe any marriage can make it! - And we only knew each other 10 months before we got married, that alone is a true miracle.) Over the next many years we experienced 3 miscarriages, early ones, anywhere from 6 - 8 weeks along but it didn't matter they were all babies to me.
In April 2006, Jesse Duplantis was a guest speaker at our church. During prayer time the Holy Spirit prompted him to ask if anyone was having problems getting pregnant and wanted special prayer to come to the front of church and he'd pray for them. Well, I JUMPED over people to get to the front of the church. I know it wasn't Jesse Duplantis, I know for sure that it was God just boosting my faith. We never had another issue and in January 2007 I decided to get my body in line with my faith, I lost 18 pounds and was soon pregnant.
October 22, 2007 Isaac James was born!! There was never a real explanation of what was causing my miscarriages, low progesterone was the only thought and the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy with Isaac I had to take progesterone pills. Jeremy knew I wanted more children, I wanted 2 more, Isaac was already number 4 for him so I wasn't sure how many more he was willing to have. I knew one more and I was eager pretty immediately after Isaac. Jeremy reassured me that God will prompt him on the timing and he'd let me know when the time was right. And he kept that promise. In February 2009 he said we could try again, 3 short months later we were pregnant without any issues or complications and in February 2010 I got my gorgeous baby girl Zoe. I sort of never felt done having kids after Zoe, regardless that she was colic and has been a pretty fussy baby since something deep inside felt that I needed/wanted one more. Jeremy, however, didn't feel the same. Yet God had another miracle waiting for me, in His perfect timing and He didnt' even feel the need to let either of us know before hand, coming in March 2012!
THREE babies for me when I never thought one was possible! I would cry every month for 4 1/2 years, and Jeremy told me to rest my faith on his. I had to, I was too emotionally involved in this. I lost my mom, my grandma, uncles, aunts, and so many people in those 4 1/2 years I NEEDED the 'circle of life' to make sense to me. Nothing made sense. Mothers would drown their babies, and mothers would abuse their children (and get away with it) as I found out first hand and it didn't seem like I could have any. And the thought of NOT having my mom here, to be a motherless mom, was tortuous but the desire to have a baby was greater than the grief.
Many times I look at my kids and just cry for them that they don't have Nana here, and many times I cry for myself because I need a break and don't often get them. We often laugh that my mom would pitch a tent in my front yard to be close to her grand kids, that they'd stay at her house more than they'd stay at mine, that she would have quit her job the day Isaac was born and never would have went back. But I cry mostly because as much as my children are loved and they are SOOOO loved, they are missing the love from the person that mattered the most to me in my life, the person that loved me the most.
Dont' worry, today I'm not sad, I'm so happy. Isaac is an amazing little man. Everyday he tells me "Mommy, you cute and beautiful" and he kisses my wedding ring. He hugs me all the time, he is full of energy and creativity. He's a great helper and he loves the Lord. He raises his hands during worship and many time dances, he recites Philippians 4:19 every night at bedtime. He adores Zoe and the new baby which he calls Cocky. He's so beautiful, he's a happy kid and laughs at everything! The love I have for my children is something I never thought possible and I'm so grateful that I get to know that love. And one day, not only do I get to be reunited with my mom and many other loved ones but my other babies!!! I often tell God not to be offended if the first person I want to see when I get to heaven is not Jesus, but my mom, He doesn't mind :)
So, Happy 4th birthday to a true miracle!!!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Pickles and Beef
For being someone who very much enjoys writing, I really hate titles. I mean, does everything have to have a label. Okay, I know a label and a title are totally different, but whatever, let me be dramatic!
In my last post I talked about scaring people out of pregnancy, well, I'm not going to do that anymore! I realized that it's not fair, it might be facts, but it's not fair. This is my last pregnancy and upon the continued advice from some friends at church my husband purchased the book "Supernatural Pregnancy" and well, I'm half way through and it's amazing! Of course, I'm not talking about NATURAL pregnancy, to me that's insane, but supernatural is totally something I can wrap my faith around. Even if I didn't have to have a csection I like 99.99999% sure I'd probably still want the drugs. And that's okay, that doesn't make me weak or less of a Christian, it just makes me a big baby, and I'm totally fine with that! However, I have started compiling a list of all the things I am believing for during pregnant, during delivery, in the hospital and even at home for Kiwi (baby's nickname). I'm pretty stoked that this delivery is not going to be ridiculous like the other two where!
Continuing on, the other night I mentioned I wanted a candy bar. Jeremy jumped up and asked me what I wanted, I told him either Twix, Snickers or Caramelo, King Size! He came home with all three, they are gone and now I want beef! Like a philly cheese steak from Subway, totally dying for one, I've never had one, but it sort of seems like a priority. I like can't stop thinking about it, and just now thought of pickles and I think I shall have some of those! (While still thinking about the beef of course!) Last week I crashed my best friend's family's dinner and had some amazing steak and if I thought there was still some left I'd go into their fridge and take it, I'm allowed, I promise!
(Excuse me while my eyes twitch because that pickle was soft...soft pickles are disgusting!)
Funny how one of the things I'm "believing" for is to not gain anymore than 20 pounds this pregnancy. For some that seems just silly. First, I do not think that pregnancy is just about doing nothing and eating whatever you want. For me, personally, I can't do a lot of physical activities ( I could walk, I'm not currently, but I have plans to), I tend to get wore out really quickly even at the beginning. Secondly, I think you can eat whatever you want, in moderation, as all things. I get that some ladies have to snack a lot because of nausea and what not, so I'm not judging. Finally, I gained 37 with Isaac (which I thought was really good because 45 pounds FELL OFF like 4 weeks after he was born it was awesome). Then I only gained 15 pounds with Zoe and exclusively breastfed her (not Isaac) and thought to myself "This is gonna be a cake walk, this measly 15 pounds is gonna melt off in like a week and then it's gonna be so easy to keep losing it." Boy, that was silly! Not only did I NEVER lose the 15 pounds, I gained like 10 more!!! So, a 20 pounds pregnancy gain is totally feasible for me. But candy bars, pickles and beef are probably not the way to go about this. Oh well, I've only gained 3 - 5 pounds, I'm like 17 or 18 weeks, and I see the doctor tomorrow so we'll see how I've done this few weeks!
Right now I am still SUPER excited about not knowing the gender of the baby! It'll make delivery so special. However, we can NOT agree on names. Luckily we don't HAVE to name the baby until we leave the hospital.
The names I like:
Ezekiel Stephen (Zeke)
Callia Marie
In my last post I talked about scaring people out of pregnancy, well, I'm not going to do that anymore! I realized that it's not fair, it might be facts, but it's not fair. This is my last pregnancy and upon the continued advice from some friends at church my husband purchased the book "Supernatural Pregnancy" and well, I'm half way through and it's amazing! Of course, I'm not talking about NATURAL pregnancy, to me that's insane, but supernatural is totally something I can wrap my faith around. Even if I didn't have to have a csection I like 99.99999% sure I'd probably still want the drugs. And that's okay, that doesn't make me weak or less of a Christian, it just makes me a big baby, and I'm totally fine with that! However, I have started compiling a list of all the things I am believing for during pregnant, during delivery, in the hospital and even at home for Kiwi (baby's nickname). I'm pretty stoked that this delivery is not going to be ridiculous like the other two where!
Continuing on, the other night I mentioned I wanted a candy bar. Jeremy jumped up and asked me what I wanted, I told him either Twix, Snickers or Caramelo, King Size! He came home with all three, they are gone and now I want beef! Like a philly cheese steak from Subway, totally dying for one, I've never had one, but it sort of seems like a priority. I like can't stop thinking about it, and just now thought of pickles and I think I shall have some of those! (While still thinking about the beef of course!) Last week I crashed my best friend's family's dinner and had some amazing steak and if I thought there was still some left I'd go into their fridge and take it, I'm allowed, I promise!
(Excuse me while my eyes twitch because that pickle was soft...soft pickles are disgusting!)
Funny how one of the things I'm "believing" for is to not gain anymore than 20 pounds this pregnancy. For some that seems just silly. First, I do not think that pregnancy is just about doing nothing and eating whatever you want. For me, personally, I can't do a lot of physical activities ( I could walk, I'm not currently, but I have plans to), I tend to get wore out really quickly even at the beginning. Secondly, I think you can eat whatever you want, in moderation, as all things. I get that some ladies have to snack a lot because of nausea and what not, so I'm not judging. Finally, I gained 37 with Isaac (which I thought was really good because 45 pounds FELL OFF like 4 weeks after he was born it was awesome). Then I only gained 15 pounds with Zoe and exclusively breastfed her (not Isaac) and thought to myself "This is gonna be a cake walk, this measly 15 pounds is gonna melt off in like a week and then it's gonna be so easy to keep losing it." Boy, that was silly! Not only did I NEVER lose the 15 pounds, I gained like 10 more!!! So, a 20 pounds pregnancy gain is totally feasible for me. But candy bars, pickles and beef are probably not the way to go about this. Oh well, I've only gained 3 - 5 pounds, I'm like 17 or 18 weeks, and I see the doctor tomorrow so we'll see how I've done this few weeks!
Right now I am still SUPER excited about not knowing the gender of the baby! It'll make delivery so special. However, we can NOT agree on names. Luckily we don't HAVE to name the baby until we leave the hospital.
The names I like:
Ezekiel Stephen (Zeke)
Callia Marie
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