I probably shouldn't admit this, but let's be honest, I say A LOT of things I probably shouldn't. But, I CANNOT be the only woman on Earth who gets like 5 really annoying, random hairs on my chin that are like coarse and disgusting and grow at random intervals and are never there at the same time and when you go to pluck them you can NEVER find them. And when you pluck one, like 2 days later there's another one that's as long as your forearm. How does this happen????
Here's something new. I have decided to quit shampooing my hair, or as many people call it "No 'Pooing" and some of you probably think I'm doing it, just so I can say I'm not pooing, and as much as I LOVE saying it, it's not why I decided. There are a few reasons. Number one, I really do not like buying and paying for shampoo and conditioner, especially once I knew that all your doing it stripping your hair of it's natural oils and then putting some back in. That doesn't even make sense. It's like rinsing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher (okay, it's not like that because I totally do that, but it might be like that for some people). Or maybe it's like brushing your teeth before you get in the shower, just do it at the same time, geez (that's more like me). So, upon reading this post written by a friend of a totally awesome friend, I thought hmmm...how interesting. And, the idea of possibly getting back some of my curls is great too! THEN, to be honest, which I try to always be, I only shampoo my hair twice a week as it is, MAYBE three times, if we're out of the house a lot. I do love my hair, so whatever I can do to keep it healthy is good by me.
The last time I used shamp/cond was last Wednesday, then on Sunday I rinsed my hair in the shower (other than that I just didn't get my hair wet when I showered) Then yesterday I actually "washed" my hair and it is GREAT! Well, first, let me explain DO NOT make the baking soda/water mixture with cold water and then got into a hot shower and try to dump it on your head, that was really dumb. But whatever, I did it. I actually used 2 tablespoons of baking soda, versus 1 and I was sort of wanting a fizzy feeling or something, I guess we're all so used the "suds", but nothing really happened. I "massaged" it into my scalp/hair. Then rinsed, then did the 1 tablespoon vinegar with 1 cup of water (hot water from the shower this time) and dumped it on my hair, rinsed. So, got out of the shower, combed through my hair and that was that. My hair is actually really soft and not at all greasy and I made my best friend smell it, it doesnt' smell weird at all, it actually smelled sort of good. So, hurray, week 1 a success!
I'm not by any means a "crunchy" mom, we buy LOTS of boxed foods, I drink a lot of soda and give my kid juice and koolaid, I don't think I even have anything "green" or even organic in my house. And we only recycle aluminum, because they'll pay me for it, everything else goes in the trash, and I honestly feel no remorse for it. My parents pretty much recycled everything, not because they cared about the environment, the only reason they recycled was because they refused to pay for trash pick up and so the recycled everything they could and burned what they couldn't. Sounds reasonable to me. One day I will get better, not for any other reason that I'm thrifty and if it'll help my kids in any way (body, mind, etc) I will gladly try it. But, obviously, I'm slow to all things I do, so I will get around to it!
So, on a "healthy" note, I have officially decided to dump the soda at of January 1st. Last year I started the diet, then some hot guy that lives with me and gave me a big ole rock like 8 1/2 years ago (okay, my husband) knocked me up (hurray!), so that came to an end after a poor showing of only 21 pounds in about 6 months. But, whatever, I'm past it, next year is a brand new year with NO chances of getting pregnant! My daughter was very colic, for about 5 months, it was pretty miserable, I honestly don't remember those 5 months much. I drank 2 caffeinated sodas a day and then tried to stay off the caffeine as best as I could, but, I didn't sleep, so I really needed it. So, I decided, what if by some freak chance Kiwi could possibly be addicted to caffeine or soda pre
You know, I kind of feel like writing about my dad, so I think I'll go do that.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Being a Mom..
There are so many things I had no idea about before I had kids.
I'll get the most serious one out of the way:
Guilt/Judgement: It'll generally start when your kid(s) is born. A nurse, doctor, friend, family member will just simply question your choice of feeding, or if you're co-sleeping or not, if the coat goes under the car seat straps or over, if you're filing your kids nails or cutting them. And the "harmless advice" will pretty much immediately feel like judgement or guilt. Now, probably not all people are judging your parenting choices, but some people are and whether they are or not, as a parent, it will feel like judgement. I don't know why, and maybe it is just me and I have bigger issues than I thought. I never asked, or I simply didn't care, anyone to wash/sanitize their hands before holding my kids. They are insanely healthy children, but maybe your kids are healthy too and you had people do that. Hearing I'm having a 3rd section raises people eyebrows, like I CHOSE my first one, I promise you I tried to push that kid out of my woo-woo and it just wasn't happening and I did argue the 2nd one. But it may not be the ideal choice or the perfect situation but it's the best for me, my baby and my body.
The guilt/unassuming judgement will continue as your kids get older and sometimes will get worse. If you're a Stay At Home Mom, you'll hear all sorts of judgment. Some people will think you're husband is controlling, and some people will never understand why you don't have extra money to go out to eat or go the movies and then they'll question why you don't try to make extra money to do that sort of thing or they'll judge your husband for not making those resources available to you. And I promise there is your own guilt for not financially contributing to the household, especially if money is tight. People will assume your kids will be behind b/c they aren't in pre-school, they will think they lack social skills or wont' have friends, etc. And if you do work outside the home you'll receive the same judgement and guilt. Your kid is always sick b/c they go to day care, you only have 5 short years before kindergarten, your kid will prefer peers over parents. UGH. It's all whats best for you and your family, I tell myself that everyday but I also hear guilt whispering in my ear. THEN when your kid is in school, to be a room mother or not to be a room mother, to be able to attend field trips, field days, etc, every decision will revolve around the noise in your head. If you have kids in Middle School, don't even get my started, and ESPECIALLY if your kids are spread out in age, and you continue to have kids. "You can't even focus on the kids you have, why are you making more?" Or, you had to miss a concert, game or didn't get to help much on a homework project. People will never understand why those things happened, they don't know you had a colic kid at home or a toddler who hates to be confined or nap time was more important for every one's sanity. And if you only have one kid people will judge that as well. Most people will say that's not true and they don't judge and it's my own fault I turn it into guilt and that's fine, I take full responsibility for my emotions. Guilt is the evilest emotion as far as I'm concerned. And I always tell myself "what other people think doesn't matter" and I put on this tough exterior like it doesn't bother me, but it really does. Judgement can come in the most passive aggressive ways (a very good skill of mine by the way) or it can come with just a look. Maybe I look too much into what people think but when you have kids all you want to do is do a good job and when there's not a lot of positive reinforcement, then I shall use guilt to fuel me.... (ok that was a little dramatic). I have read some of my moms old journals and she also felt the guilt/judgement from being a mom, so I know I'm not alone, just maybe the most dramatic :)
One more point of seriousness:
Safety: I had no clue that I'd think about the safety of my kids 24/7 and yes, I even mean when I'm sleeping. Now, I'm not talking about them getting hurt like breaking an arm, which I don't want to happen. But I do let my kids jump off furniture, ride bikes without helmets and run around outside without shoes on. But they DO NOT go outside without an adult and I check the windows in our house at least once a week to make sure they are locked and I check all the doors every night to make sure they are locked and I WILL NOT let certain people watch my kids because I listen to my motherly instincts, regardless of who thinks it's personal. The thought of one of my kids missing or getting abused makes me so sick to my stomach. Thank God I know my kids are protected by angels and protected by God's grace and provision. But I still think about it, constantly.
Now, onto the not so serious stuff that I never really knew about being a mom:
Stain Remover: There is NO stain remover on the planet that gets out poop, tootsie roll, red koolaid and mac n cheese out of the same shirt at the same time. And just when you think you've found one what works your kids will test it and it'll fail and you'll start searching for a new one! We buy most of our kids clothes (well the little kids) at garage sales (and clearance racks - it's this single income thing) and it truly amazes me when I find clothes that aren't stained. I wont' buy stained clothes and not ALL my kids clothes are stained but seeing an entire collection of kids clothes that are stain free, is amazing to me, and it gives me hope that one day I will find that magic fairy stain remover...
Books: First, my own books, I have had the same 4 books that my sister let me borrow when I had Zoe almost 21 months ago. I'm about 50 pages into two of those books, that is it. I love reading, and yes, I have some attention issues, but I do love reading. But that's not even what I'm talking about, it's my kids books. Again, we buy most of our books at garage sales/resale shops and I'm floored by the books that have both covers and all there pages. How does that happen? We thought Isaac was the ultimate destroyer of things, but he's got nothing on Zoe when it comes to books. She ADORES reading, even has to take a book to bed with her at night and is usually carrying around a book, but she is violent with them. She can rip the cover off of a hard back book and rip an entire hard baby book in half in no time. And let's not even get started on the subject of baby books. We have a book called "Pudgy the Beaver" which I can't even get past the cover because it's so hilarious to me. And the noises they try to spell out in a book will have you saying the most ridiculous things ever, but reading to your kids is good and fun.
Hygiene: As a Stay at Home Mom, I spend 90% of my time within the 4 walls (ish) of my house. Many days I only see and talk to the people in my immediate family and many weeks the only place I go is church, where I help my husband with Children's Church (more kids!). So when I do get around adults I tend to dominate the conversation, it's a terrible habit. But, why is there a reason to go beyond a pony tail? And put on deodorant? I rarely take a shower without at least one kid playing in the cabinets in the bathroom, usually eating lotion or deodorant. Hygiene is a thing of the past after you have kids, especially when you have no where to go.
House Cleaning: Now, I obviously have lots of time on my hands since I don't work out side the home and since that was a choice of mine I probably love cleaning. I do spend time on facebook (cause I never talk to other adults, this is the only way I can), I write in a blog (not often and not always well) and I take online surveys (it's sometimes the only way I reward myself with prizes from the points and what not I accumulate doing them). So, obviously, if I gave all that up (and yes, I often hear about it....) and the DVR I'd probably have a cleaner house AND carry a brick of resentment on my shoulder...no wait, not a brick, a boulder. When I pick up the living room it takes my kids less than 10 minutes to destroy it all over again, and I have to do it all over again and repeating myself is one of my pet peeves. The same goes with wiping the table where they eat. I do not enjoy walking on crumbs (I actually detest this), or making food on dirty counters, or peeing in dirty toilets or tripping on toys. But I do enjoy trying to be "Dawn" at some point in my day and not just wife, mother, maid, cook, etc. And I much prefer to play with my kids other than clean. And yes, sitting here writing this while Zoe sits on my lap and watches Team Umizoomi and points at (pokes) my eyes, nose and mouth 100 times and tells me what they are is playing with my kids.
Whining/Complaining: At some point you will get so accustomed to your kids whining and complaining it almost seems fruitless to continually ask them to stop or even to discipline them for it. But we all try. And when your kids fight, you WANT to intervene, but you also know they have to work it out on their own. The older the child doing the complaining/whining the more draining it is. And when the whiner/complainer is an adult and you are a parent it will literally go in one ear and out the other, but, nontheless be as annoying and draining. I had no idea how much whining/complaining literally, physically can hurt my ears. (I PROMISE you what I'm saying here or in all of my blog posts is not whining/complaining and if you think it is, please quit reading..thank you.)
Poop/Food: If "pooping while mom is eating" was a sport, my kids would hold Olympic Gold Titles in this. During at least one of meals, at least one of my kids will poop and often both of them. One needs a butt wiped on the toilet, one needs a diaper changed. And I've actually helped my daughter 'birth' a poop when she was constipated, yes, disgusting, but it's what you do when your kids needs it, well, what moms do when her kids need it. And whatever you are eating/drinking your kids will see as theirs and want to eat/drink it also. My kids eat probably 10 - 15% of all my food and sometimes even more than that.
So, there's more, but that's what I have today. I would just like to say that I absolutely adore and love my children, they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a 90's hippie that never wanted to get married or have kids and probably would have stayed stoned and stupid the rest of my life but I'm so glad that God never gave up on me and my life is completely different. (Although I'm still sort of a 90s hippie, minus the stoned and stupid part). My kids are truly amazing and weird and beautiful and healthy and I wouldn't change anything in the world for them. They are exactly who I need in my life and bring pure joy to my life everyday. They are 100% a miracle and a true blessing.
I'll get the most serious one out of the way:
Guilt/Judgement: It'll generally start when your kid(s) is born. A nurse, doctor, friend, family member will just simply question your choice of feeding, or if you're co-sleeping or not, if the coat goes under the car seat straps or over, if you're filing your kids nails or cutting them. And the "harmless advice" will pretty much immediately feel like judgement or guilt. Now, probably not all people are judging your parenting choices, but some people are and whether they are or not, as a parent, it will feel like judgement. I don't know why, and maybe it is just me and I have bigger issues than I thought. I never asked, or I simply didn't care, anyone to wash/sanitize their hands before holding my kids. They are insanely healthy children, but maybe your kids are healthy too and you had people do that. Hearing I'm having a 3rd section raises people eyebrows, like I CHOSE my first one, I promise you I tried to push that kid out of my woo-woo and it just wasn't happening and I did argue the 2nd one. But it may not be the ideal choice or the perfect situation but it's the best for me, my baby and my body.
The guilt/unassuming judgement will continue as your kids get older and sometimes will get worse. If you're a Stay At Home Mom, you'll hear all sorts of judgment. Some people will think you're husband is controlling, and some people will never understand why you don't have extra money to go out to eat or go the movies and then they'll question why you don't try to make extra money to do that sort of thing or they'll judge your husband for not making those resources available to you. And I promise there is your own guilt for not financially contributing to the household, especially if money is tight. People will assume your kids will be behind b/c they aren't in pre-school, they will think they lack social skills or wont' have friends, etc. And if you do work outside the home you'll receive the same judgement and guilt. Your kid is always sick b/c they go to day care, you only have 5 short years before kindergarten, your kid will prefer peers over parents. UGH. It's all whats best for you and your family, I tell myself that everyday but I also hear guilt whispering in my ear. THEN when your kid is in school, to be a room mother or not to be a room mother, to be able to attend field trips, field days, etc, every decision will revolve around the noise in your head. If you have kids in Middle School, don't even get my started, and ESPECIALLY if your kids are spread out in age, and you continue to have kids. "You can't even focus on the kids you have, why are you making more?" Or, you had to miss a concert, game or didn't get to help much on a homework project. People will never understand why those things happened, they don't know you had a colic kid at home or a toddler who hates to be confined or nap time was more important for every one's sanity. And if you only have one kid people will judge that as well. Most people will say that's not true and they don't judge and it's my own fault I turn it into guilt and that's fine, I take full responsibility for my emotions. Guilt is the evilest emotion as far as I'm concerned. And I always tell myself "what other people think doesn't matter" and I put on this tough exterior like it doesn't bother me, but it really does. Judgement can come in the most passive aggressive ways (a very good skill of mine by the way) or it can come with just a look. Maybe I look too much into what people think but when you have kids all you want to do is do a good job and when there's not a lot of positive reinforcement, then I shall use guilt to fuel me.... (ok that was a little dramatic). I have read some of my moms old journals and she also felt the guilt/judgement from being a mom, so I know I'm not alone, just maybe the most dramatic :)
One more point of seriousness:
Safety: I had no clue that I'd think about the safety of my kids 24/7 and yes, I even mean when I'm sleeping. Now, I'm not talking about them getting hurt like breaking an arm, which I don't want to happen. But I do let my kids jump off furniture, ride bikes without helmets and run around outside without shoes on. But they DO NOT go outside without an adult and I check the windows in our house at least once a week to make sure they are locked and I check all the doors every night to make sure they are locked and I WILL NOT let certain people watch my kids because I listen to my motherly instincts, regardless of who thinks it's personal. The thought of one of my kids missing or getting abused makes me so sick to my stomach. Thank God I know my kids are protected by angels and protected by God's grace and provision. But I still think about it, constantly.
Now, onto the not so serious stuff that I never really knew about being a mom:
Stain Remover: There is NO stain remover on the planet that gets out poop, tootsie roll, red koolaid and mac n cheese out of the same shirt at the same time. And just when you think you've found one what works your kids will test it and it'll fail and you'll start searching for a new one! We buy most of our kids clothes (well the little kids) at garage sales (and clearance racks - it's this single income thing) and it truly amazes me when I find clothes that aren't stained. I wont' buy stained clothes and not ALL my kids clothes are stained but seeing an entire collection of kids clothes that are stain free, is amazing to me, and it gives me hope that one day I will find that magic fairy stain remover...
Books: First, my own books, I have had the same 4 books that my sister let me borrow when I had Zoe almost 21 months ago. I'm about 50 pages into two of those books, that is it. I love reading, and yes, I have some attention issues, but I do love reading. But that's not even what I'm talking about, it's my kids books. Again, we buy most of our books at garage sales/resale shops and I'm floored by the books that have both covers and all there pages. How does that happen? We thought Isaac was the ultimate destroyer of things, but he's got nothing on Zoe when it comes to books. She ADORES reading, even has to take a book to bed with her at night and is usually carrying around a book, but she is violent with them. She can rip the cover off of a hard back book and rip an entire hard baby book in half in no time. And let's not even get started on the subject of baby books. We have a book called "Pudgy the Beaver" which I can't even get past the cover because it's so hilarious to me. And the noises they try to spell out in a book will have you saying the most ridiculous things ever, but reading to your kids is good and fun.
Hygiene: As a Stay at Home Mom, I spend 90% of my time within the 4 walls (ish) of my house. Many days I only see and talk to the people in my immediate family and many weeks the only place I go is church, where I help my husband with Children's Church (more kids!). So when I do get around adults I tend to dominate the conversation, it's a terrible habit. But, why is there a reason to go beyond a pony tail? And put on deodorant? I rarely take a shower without at least one kid playing in the cabinets in the bathroom, usually eating lotion or deodorant. Hygiene is a thing of the past after you have kids, especially when you have no where to go.
House Cleaning: Now, I obviously have lots of time on my hands since I don't work out side the home and since that was a choice of mine I probably love cleaning. I do spend time on facebook (cause I never talk to other adults, this is the only way I can), I write in a blog (not often and not always well) and I take online surveys (it's sometimes the only way I reward myself with prizes from the points and what not I accumulate doing them). So, obviously, if I gave all that up (and yes, I often hear about it....) and the DVR I'd probably have a cleaner house AND carry a brick of resentment on my shoulder...no wait, not a brick, a boulder. When I pick up the living room it takes my kids less than 10 minutes to destroy it all over again, and I have to do it all over again and repeating myself is one of my pet peeves. The same goes with wiping the table where they eat. I do not enjoy walking on crumbs (I actually detest this), or making food on dirty counters, or peeing in dirty toilets or tripping on toys. But I do enjoy trying to be "Dawn" at some point in my day and not just wife, mother, maid, cook, etc. And I much prefer to play with my kids other than clean. And yes, sitting here writing this while Zoe sits on my lap and watches Team Umizoomi and points at (pokes) my eyes, nose and mouth 100 times and tells me what they are is playing with my kids.
Whining/Complaining: At some point you will get so accustomed to your kids whining and complaining it almost seems fruitless to continually ask them to stop or even to discipline them for it. But we all try. And when your kids fight, you WANT to intervene, but you also know they have to work it out on their own. The older the child doing the complaining/whining the more draining it is. And when the whiner/complainer is an adult and you are a parent it will literally go in one ear and out the other, but, nontheless be as annoying and draining. I had no idea how much whining/complaining literally, physically can hurt my ears. (I PROMISE you what I'm saying here or in all of my blog posts is not whining/complaining and if you think it is, please quit reading..thank you.)
Poop/Food: If "pooping while mom is eating" was a sport, my kids would hold Olympic Gold Titles in this. During at least one of meals, at least one of my kids will poop and often both of them. One needs a butt wiped on the toilet, one needs a diaper changed. And I've actually helped my daughter 'birth' a poop when she was constipated, yes, disgusting, but it's what you do when your kids needs it, well, what moms do when her kids need it. And whatever you are eating/drinking your kids will see as theirs and want to eat/drink it also. My kids eat probably 10 - 15% of all my food and sometimes even more than that.
So, there's more, but that's what I have today. I would just like to say that I absolutely adore and love my children, they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was a 90's hippie that never wanted to get married or have kids and probably would have stayed stoned and stupid the rest of my life but I'm so glad that God never gave up on me and my life is completely different. (Although I'm still sort of a 90s hippie, minus the stoned and stupid part). My kids are truly amazing and weird and beautiful and healthy and I wouldn't change anything in the world for them. They are exactly who I need in my life and bring pure joy to my life everyday. They are 100% a miracle and a true blessing.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Queen of Excuses
I keep telling myself, yes, out loud, that I'm going to start all these new amazing habits for myself and for my kids and even as a family. And then I think, I should just wait until new baby gets here because they'll throw the entire schedule off. Then I realize that's ridiculous it would be easier to start them now and adjust later. Then I tell myself I'm going to get through this week or that week. First I need to paint this room, then I have to paint another room (those rooms are done now), then I need to learn to sew curtains (no room has curtains in our house, sad), then I need to carpet clean the entire house, then it'll be like Christmas, which means baking (LOVE baking and love giving baked goods away), and other things that go with Christmas. Then, basically, it's the new year and that means like 2 - 2 1/2 months until baby gets here...so.... yeah...
I'm not really sure where the skill of procrastinating came from. My mom was amazing, cleaning, cooking things from scratch, sewing outfits, curtains, pillows, quilting, canning, gardening, driving us everywhere, I mean she literally did it all. And my dad has always been a motivated kind of guy, you sort of have to be to run a successful Construction business for years! I was always told I never lived up to my potential so maybe procrastinating is me just not living up to my potential?
Speaking of skills, I often think about what skills I do have. I never finished college, I only went one year and I'm pretty sure I only passed half of the classes. I would just like to disclaim that my English professor ( I was a journalism major) did NOT like me and she was the head of her department, I was screwed from the get-go. And she didn't like me because the first paper we had to write we were given free reign on, and I wrote about how I hate being told what to write. Apparently, she really likes telling people what to write. Anyway, I graduated within the top 10% of my high school class, I have no idea how, I was not a fan of high school. It was pretty torturous to me, the first two years, some kid made so much fun of me I cried every day. The last two years, I finally found friends, but we sort of did stupid things, but I somehow managed to keep my grades up at least enough to get into the top 10%. Honestly, my graduating class was not really known for our academics, we had the highest drop out rate in like 30 years.
So I think about what skills I bring to the plate. First, I am AMAZING at changing the subject. And not like my ADHD brother (said in love), I mean I can sense awkwardness and change the subject without people even realizing it happened. I think that's a skill. I am also really good at coming up with these ridiculous house/room painting projects that take way longer than I ever imagined, but look really awesome when I'm done. I have amazing typing skills, although not 100% accurate I can type at about 95% accuracy and about 80+ WPM. I'm pretty sure I have baking skills, even though I don't practice them often, simply because then I eat it (and Jeremy doesn't like having all those sweets around), I do really love it and think I'm pretty good at it. I have this amazing skill of nervous jokes, I tend to talk a lot and make jokes out of everything when I'm nervous (and often when I'm not). Sometimes they are funny, sometimes not so much. Oh, probably one of my greatest skill is how awesome I am at being passive-aggressive. Now, this skill I have had to not use often, because it's so good, I mean like I'm a passive aggressive ninja. Right now, those are the non paying skills I have. Well, technically, all my skills are non paying, even the ones I'm not so good at :)
I'm not really sure where the skill of procrastinating came from. My mom was amazing, cleaning, cooking things from scratch, sewing outfits, curtains, pillows, quilting, canning, gardening, driving us everywhere, I mean she literally did it all. And my dad has always been a motivated kind of guy, you sort of have to be to run a successful Construction business for years! I was always told I never lived up to my potential so maybe procrastinating is me just not living up to my potential?
Speaking of skills, I often think about what skills I do have. I never finished college, I only went one year and I'm pretty sure I only passed half of the classes. I would just like to disclaim that my English professor ( I was a journalism major) did NOT like me and she was the head of her department, I was screwed from the get-go. And she didn't like me because the first paper we had to write we were given free reign on, and I wrote about how I hate being told what to write. Apparently, she really likes telling people what to write. Anyway, I graduated within the top 10% of my high school class, I have no idea how, I was not a fan of high school. It was pretty torturous to me, the first two years, some kid made so much fun of me I cried every day. The last two years, I finally found friends, but we sort of did stupid things, but I somehow managed to keep my grades up at least enough to get into the top 10%. Honestly, my graduating class was not really known for our academics, we had the highest drop out rate in like 30 years.
So I think about what skills I bring to the plate. First, I am AMAZING at changing the subject. And not like my ADHD brother (said in love), I mean I can sense awkwardness and change the subject without people even realizing it happened. I think that's a skill. I am also really good at coming up with these ridiculous house/room painting projects that take way longer than I ever imagined, but look really awesome when I'm done. I have amazing typing skills, although not 100% accurate I can type at about 95% accuracy and about 80+ WPM. I'm pretty sure I have baking skills, even though I don't practice them often, simply because then I eat it (and Jeremy doesn't like having all those sweets around), I do really love it and think I'm pretty good at it. I have this amazing skill of nervous jokes, I tend to talk a lot and make jokes out of everything when I'm nervous (and often when I'm not). Sometimes they are funny, sometimes not so much. Oh, probably one of my greatest skill is how awesome I am at being passive-aggressive. Now, this skill I have had to not use often, because it's so good, I mean like I'm a passive aggressive ninja. Right now, those are the non paying skills I have. Well, technically, all my skills are non paying, even the ones I'm not so good at :)
Friday, October 21, 2011
Feeling Sentimental! The story of my miracle of children!
I've been praying over my baby and pregnancy everyday with the amazing words from the amazing book that I got!! I'm feeling so much better and can finally start to see a "glow" that instead of being the sweat from vomiting is now just the glow of knowing what a miracle God has done in my life.
Jeremy and I immediately started trying to have children when we got married in July 2003. He already had kids and they lived with us, so it's not like it would change things. Plus my mom was desperate to my a grandma (Nana, as we call her now) and I wanted nothing more than to bless her with grandchildren! In November 2003 I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, basically that means the baby got stuck in my tubes and my right tube (I believe) had burst. I remember my mom being at the hospital with me when they finally told me that I had to go into surgery. The nurse said "Pick a good dream" and I went to sleep and dreamed of a red headed little girl that I was pushing on a swing set, she is Rebecca, and she is in heaven with her maker and sadly joined by her Nana only a few short months later!
The loss of my mom in January 2004 spun me into something I never knew existed and honestly wish I never had to know. And in the midst of my grief we were in the middle of a major court battle with my step children, truly finding out how heinous and horrible people can really be, it was probably the saddest and loneliest time of my life. (If my marriage can not only survive but thrive through my first year of our marriage, than I truly believe any marriage can make it! - And we only knew each other 10 months before we got married, that alone is a true miracle.) Over the next many years we experienced 3 miscarriages, early ones, anywhere from 6 - 8 weeks along but it didn't matter they were all babies to me.
In April 2006, Jesse Duplantis was a guest speaker at our church. During prayer time the Holy Spirit prompted him to ask if anyone was having problems getting pregnant and wanted special prayer to come to the front of church and he'd pray for them. Well, I JUMPED over people to get to the front of the church. I know it wasn't Jesse Duplantis, I know for sure that it was God just boosting my faith. We never had another issue and in January 2007 I decided to get my body in line with my faith, I lost 18 pounds and was soon pregnant.
October 22, 2007 Isaac James was born!! There was never a real explanation of what was causing my miscarriages, low progesterone was the only thought and the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy with Isaac I had to take progesterone pills. Jeremy knew I wanted more children, I wanted 2 more, Isaac was already number 4 for him so I wasn't sure how many more he was willing to have. I knew one more and I was eager pretty immediately after Isaac. Jeremy reassured me that God will prompt him on the timing and he'd let me know when the time was right. And he kept that promise. In February 2009 he said we could try again, 3 short months later we were pregnant without any issues or complications and in February 2010 I got my gorgeous baby girl Zoe. I sort of never felt done having kids after Zoe, regardless that she was colic and has been a pretty fussy baby since something deep inside felt that I needed/wanted one more. Jeremy, however, didn't feel the same. Yet God had another miracle waiting for me, in His perfect timing and He didnt' even feel the need to let either of us know before hand, coming in March 2012!
THREE babies for me when I never thought one was possible! I would cry every month for 4 1/2 years, and Jeremy told me to rest my faith on his. I had to, I was too emotionally involved in this. I lost my mom, my grandma, uncles, aunts, and so many people in those 4 1/2 years I NEEDED the 'circle of life' to make sense to me. Nothing made sense. Mothers would drown their babies, and mothers would abuse their children (and get away with it) as I found out first hand and it didn't seem like I could have any. And the thought of NOT having my mom here, to be a motherless mom, was tortuous but the desire to have a baby was greater than the grief.
Many times I look at my kids and just cry for them that they don't have Nana here, and many times I cry for myself because I need a break and don't often get them. We often laugh that my mom would pitch a tent in my front yard to be close to her grand kids, that they'd stay at her house more than they'd stay at mine, that she would have quit her job the day Isaac was born and never would have went back. But I cry mostly because as much as my children are loved and they are SOOOO loved, they are missing the love from the person that mattered the most to me in my life, the person that loved me the most.
Dont' worry, today I'm not sad, I'm so happy. Isaac is an amazing little man. Everyday he tells me "Mommy, you cute and beautiful" and he kisses my wedding ring. He hugs me all the time, he is full of energy and creativity. He's a great helper and he loves the Lord. He raises his hands during worship and many time dances, he recites Philippians 4:19 every night at bedtime. He adores Zoe and the new baby which he calls Cocky. He's so beautiful, he's a happy kid and laughs at everything! The love I have for my children is something I never thought possible and I'm so grateful that I get to know that love. And one day, not only do I get to be reunited with my mom and many other loved ones but my other babies!!! I often tell God not to be offended if the first person I want to see when I get to heaven is not Jesus, but my mom, He doesn't mind :)
So, Happy 4th birthday to a true miracle!!!
Jeremy and I immediately started trying to have children when we got married in July 2003. He already had kids and they lived with us, so it's not like it would change things. Plus my mom was desperate to my a grandma (Nana, as we call her now) and I wanted nothing more than to bless her with grandchildren! In November 2003 I suffered an ectopic pregnancy, basically that means the baby got stuck in my tubes and my right tube (I believe) had burst. I remember my mom being at the hospital with me when they finally told me that I had to go into surgery. The nurse said "Pick a good dream" and I went to sleep and dreamed of a red headed little girl that I was pushing on a swing set, she is Rebecca, and she is in heaven with her maker and sadly joined by her Nana only a few short months later!
The loss of my mom in January 2004 spun me into something I never knew existed and honestly wish I never had to know. And in the midst of my grief we were in the middle of a major court battle with my step children, truly finding out how heinous and horrible people can really be, it was probably the saddest and loneliest time of my life. (If my marriage can not only survive but thrive through my first year of our marriage, than I truly believe any marriage can make it! - And we only knew each other 10 months before we got married, that alone is a true miracle.) Over the next many years we experienced 3 miscarriages, early ones, anywhere from 6 - 8 weeks along but it didn't matter they were all babies to me.
In April 2006, Jesse Duplantis was a guest speaker at our church. During prayer time the Holy Spirit prompted him to ask if anyone was having problems getting pregnant and wanted special prayer to come to the front of church and he'd pray for them. Well, I JUMPED over people to get to the front of the church. I know it wasn't Jesse Duplantis, I know for sure that it was God just boosting my faith. We never had another issue and in January 2007 I decided to get my body in line with my faith, I lost 18 pounds and was soon pregnant.
October 22, 2007 Isaac James was born!! There was never a real explanation of what was causing my miscarriages, low progesterone was the only thought and the first 20 weeks of my pregnancy with Isaac I had to take progesterone pills. Jeremy knew I wanted more children, I wanted 2 more, Isaac was already number 4 for him so I wasn't sure how many more he was willing to have. I knew one more and I was eager pretty immediately after Isaac. Jeremy reassured me that God will prompt him on the timing and he'd let me know when the time was right. And he kept that promise. In February 2009 he said we could try again, 3 short months later we were pregnant without any issues or complications and in February 2010 I got my gorgeous baby girl Zoe. I sort of never felt done having kids after Zoe, regardless that she was colic and has been a pretty fussy baby since something deep inside felt that I needed/wanted one more. Jeremy, however, didn't feel the same. Yet God had another miracle waiting for me, in His perfect timing and He didnt' even feel the need to let either of us know before hand, coming in March 2012!
THREE babies for me when I never thought one was possible! I would cry every month for 4 1/2 years, and Jeremy told me to rest my faith on his. I had to, I was too emotionally involved in this. I lost my mom, my grandma, uncles, aunts, and so many people in those 4 1/2 years I NEEDED the 'circle of life' to make sense to me. Nothing made sense. Mothers would drown their babies, and mothers would abuse their children (and get away with it) as I found out first hand and it didn't seem like I could have any. And the thought of NOT having my mom here, to be a motherless mom, was tortuous but the desire to have a baby was greater than the grief.
Many times I look at my kids and just cry for them that they don't have Nana here, and many times I cry for myself because I need a break and don't often get them. We often laugh that my mom would pitch a tent in my front yard to be close to her grand kids, that they'd stay at her house more than they'd stay at mine, that she would have quit her job the day Isaac was born and never would have went back. But I cry mostly because as much as my children are loved and they are SOOOO loved, they are missing the love from the person that mattered the most to me in my life, the person that loved me the most.
Dont' worry, today I'm not sad, I'm so happy. Isaac is an amazing little man. Everyday he tells me "Mommy, you cute and beautiful" and he kisses my wedding ring. He hugs me all the time, he is full of energy and creativity. He's a great helper and he loves the Lord. He raises his hands during worship and many time dances, he recites Philippians 4:19 every night at bedtime. He adores Zoe and the new baby which he calls Cocky. He's so beautiful, he's a happy kid and laughs at everything! The love I have for my children is something I never thought possible and I'm so grateful that I get to know that love. And one day, not only do I get to be reunited with my mom and many other loved ones but my other babies!!! I often tell God not to be offended if the first person I want to see when I get to heaven is not Jesus, but my mom, He doesn't mind :)
So, Happy 4th birthday to a true miracle!!!
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Pickles and Beef
For being someone who very much enjoys writing, I really hate titles. I mean, does everything have to have a label. Okay, I know a label and a title are totally different, but whatever, let me be dramatic!
In my last post I talked about scaring people out of pregnancy, well, I'm not going to do that anymore! I realized that it's not fair, it might be facts, but it's not fair. This is my last pregnancy and upon the continued advice from some friends at church my husband purchased the book "Supernatural Pregnancy" and well, I'm half way through and it's amazing! Of course, I'm not talking about NATURAL pregnancy, to me that's insane, but supernatural is totally something I can wrap my faith around. Even if I didn't have to have a csection I like 99.99999% sure I'd probably still want the drugs. And that's okay, that doesn't make me weak or less of a Christian, it just makes me a big baby, and I'm totally fine with that! However, I have started compiling a list of all the things I am believing for during pregnant, during delivery, in the hospital and even at home for Kiwi (baby's nickname). I'm pretty stoked that this delivery is not going to be ridiculous like the other two where!
Continuing on, the other night I mentioned I wanted a candy bar. Jeremy jumped up and asked me what I wanted, I told him either Twix, Snickers or Caramelo, King Size! He came home with all three, they are gone and now I want beef! Like a philly cheese steak from Subway, totally dying for one, I've never had one, but it sort of seems like a priority. I like can't stop thinking about it, and just now thought of pickles and I think I shall have some of those! (While still thinking about the beef of course!) Last week I crashed my best friend's family's dinner and had some amazing steak and if I thought there was still some left I'd go into their fridge and take it, I'm allowed, I promise!
(Excuse me while my eyes twitch because that pickle was soft...soft pickles are disgusting!)
Funny how one of the things I'm "believing" for is to not gain anymore than 20 pounds this pregnancy. For some that seems just silly. First, I do not think that pregnancy is just about doing nothing and eating whatever you want. For me, personally, I can't do a lot of physical activities ( I could walk, I'm not currently, but I have plans to), I tend to get wore out really quickly even at the beginning. Secondly, I think you can eat whatever you want, in moderation, as all things. I get that some ladies have to snack a lot because of nausea and what not, so I'm not judging. Finally, I gained 37 with Isaac (which I thought was really good because 45 pounds FELL OFF like 4 weeks after he was born it was awesome). Then I only gained 15 pounds with Zoe and exclusively breastfed her (not Isaac) and thought to myself "This is gonna be a cake walk, this measly 15 pounds is gonna melt off in like a week and then it's gonna be so easy to keep losing it." Boy, that was silly! Not only did I NEVER lose the 15 pounds, I gained like 10 more!!! So, a 20 pounds pregnancy gain is totally feasible for me. But candy bars, pickles and beef are probably not the way to go about this. Oh well, I've only gained 3 - 5 pounds, I'm like 17 or 18 weeks, and I see the doctor tomorrow so we'll see how I've done this few weeks!
Right now I am still SUPER excited about not knowing the gender of the baby! It'll make delivery so special. However, we can NOT agree on names. Luckily we don't HAVE to name the baby until we leave the hospital.
The names I like:
Ezekiel Stephen (Zeke)
Callia Marie
In my last post I talked about scaring people out of pregnancy, well, I'm not going to do that anymore! I realized that it's not fair, it might be facts, but it's not fair. This is my last pregnancy and upon the continued advice from some friends at church my husband purchased the book "Supernatural Pregnancy" and well, I'm half way through and it's amazing! Of course, I'm not talking about NATURAL pregnancy, to me that's insane, but supernatural is totally something I can wrap my faith around. Even if I didn't have to have a csection I like 99.99999% sure I'd probably still want the drugs. And that's okay, that doesn't make me weak or less of a Christian, it just makes me a big baby, and I'm totally fine with that! However, I have started compiling a list of all the things I am believing for during pregnant, during delivery, in the hospital and even at home for Kiwi (baby's nickname). I'm pretty stoked that this delivery is not going to be ridiculous like the other two where!
Continuing on, the other night I mentioned I wanted a candy bar. Jeremy jumped up and asked me what I wanted, I told him either Twix, Snickers or Caramelo, King Size! He came home with all three, they are gone and now I want beef! Like a philly cheese steak from Subway, totally dying for one, I've never had one, but it sort of seems like a priority. I like can't stop thinking about it, and just now thought of pickles and I think I shall have some of those! (While still thinking about the beef of course!) Last week I crashed my best friend's family's dinner and had some amazing steak and if I thought there was still some left I'd go into their fridge and take it, I'm allowed, I promise!
(Excuse me while my eyes twitch because that pickle was soft...soft pickles are disgusting!)
Funny how one of the things I'm "believing" for is to not gain anymore than 20 pounds this pregnancy. For some that seems just silly. First, I do not think that pregnancy is just about doing nothing and eating whatever you want. For me, personally, I can't do a lot of physical activities ( I could walk, I'm not currently, but I have plans to), I tend to get wore out really quickly even at the beginning. Secondly, I think you can eat whatever you want, in moderation, as all things. I get that some ladies have to snack a lot because of nausea and what not, so I'm not judging. Finally, I gained 37 with Isaac (which I thought was really good because 45 pounds FELL OFF like 4 weeks after he was born it was awesome). Then I only gained 15 pounds with Zoe and exclusively breastfed her (not Isaac) and thought to myself "This is gonna be a cake walk, this measly 15 pounds is gonna melt off in like a week and then it's gonna be so easy to keep losing it." Boy, that was silly! Not only did I NEVER lose the 15 pounds, I gained like 10 more!!! So, a 20 pounds pregnancy gain is totally feasible for me. But candy bars, pickles and beef are probably not the way to go about this. Oh well, I've only gained 3 - 5 pounds, I'm like 17 or 18 weeks, and I see the doctor tomorrow so we'll see how I've done this few weeks!
Right now I am still SUPER excited about not knowing the gender of the baby! It'll make delivery so special. However, we can NOT agree on names. Luckily we don't HAVE to name the baby until we leave the hospital.
The names I like:
Ezekiel Stephen (Zeke)
Callia Marie
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
A new direction
Well, I haven't written in quite a few weeks, probably over a month, because well, I'm having another baby!! So, there's not a lot of losing weight going on right now....
I keep telling myself I'll take this blog in a different direction for now, I'm a funny person I have good stuff to write about, but I can't seem to get motivated to do so. Be it the nausea, actual vomiting, or the "I'm so tired I can't lift my hands" I cannot seem to get anything on paper. (Should we really use that line anymore?) It's not unlike me to go through ups and downs with the writing thing. 10 years ago? I wrote everyday all day long...
At night I'll lay down and think of all these hilarious things to write about. I say some pretty awesome one liners throughout the day (when I'm given adults to talk to), and I have so many funny stories from childhood onto now. But I sit here, yawning every 3 words, knowing nothing is going to come out worth anyone's time to read!!
I do have stuff to say that's not funny, and some stuff that some people won't even want to read about. For example, the thought of having another c section makes me throw up in my throat a little bit. The first one was great, I had pushed for 12 hours, so by the time they put me on the table for a c section I wanted the kid out, be it through my nose, I wanted him out! I am one of the lucky like 5% that get "pregnancy shakes" and "labor vomiting", yeah, as soon as I get to the hospital I start shaking and as soon as they put the IV in me I start vomiting. High Five for that! So there's always that to look forward to. With my second pregnancy, I was in labor at church (the entire time, writing down how close my contractions were, breathing through them) and not a soul knew. By the time we got in the car and drove home (I was driving) they were about 7 - 8 minutes apart. Yes, even though I have to have a c section, I still went through hours of labor..awesome... They had me walk from the triage room to the OR room and I was pretty sure I could have pushed Zoe out in the hall way on my way there I was so dialated and the contractions were about 2 - 3 minutes apart. But to no avail I was given a spinal block and laid back on the table where I threw up so many time the anestialogist (SP??) threatened to intibate me (yes, awake)... And then couldn't even hold my daughter for almost 3 hours because I was shaking so bad. Yeah, I have great labor and delivery stories, makes you want to have a kid doesn't it?? And, btw, I read like a million (yes a million) pregnancy books during my first pregnancy, I watched all those "my child was born (fill in the blank with something horrific", I was "special deliver" and "bring baby home", etc, etc, NOT ONE told me about pregnancy shakes and vomiting....NOT ONE! I seriously need to write a book called "If you want to have a baby you probably shouldn't read this book"....I'm pretty sure it would be a best seller... And don't even get me started on the first trimester... Yes, I'd do it over and over again for my children (obviously) but just nothing prepares you, especially since every pregnancy, every woman and every baby are different.
So this pregnancy loads and loads of prayers are specifically for the labor and delivery alone. I don't mind the going into labor part even though I'm having a c section, I sort of want my baby to pick their own birthday. I just have high hopes for no shaking, no vomiting and being able to hold my baby ASAP! The one thing I do look forward to is the 4 - 5 days at the hospital. I know so many moms who were dying to get back home to their other children, their routine, etc. Not me, I like being there. People bring me pain medicine, take the baby so I can sleep, I order my food off of a touch screen and since I breastfeed I can have as many calories as I'd like, they change my bed, and with Isaac one nurses aid even gave me a massage..yeah I like the 4 - 5 days in the hospital. However, there's not as many visitors with the second one as with the first one, which can be a little bit boring....oh well..
I keep telling myself I'll take this blog in a different direction for now, I'm a funny person I have good stuff to write about, but I can't seem to get motivated to do so. Be it the nausea, actual vomiting, or the "I'm so tired I can't lift my hands" I cannot seem to get anything on paper. (Should we really use that line anymore?) It's not unlike me to go through ups and downs with the writing thing. 10 years ago? I wrote everyday all day long...
At night I'll lay down and think of all these hilarious things to write about. I say some pretty awesome one liners throughout the day (when I'm given adults to talk to), and I have so many funny stories from childhood onto now. But I sit here, yawning every 3 words, knowing nothing is going to come out worth anyone's time to read!!
I do have stuff to say that's not funny, and some stuff that some people won't even want to read about. For example, the thought of having another c section makes me throw up in my throat a little bit. The first one was great, I had pushed for 12 hours, so by the time they put me on the table for a c section I wanted the kid out, be it through my nose, I wanted him out! I am one of the lucky like 5% that get "pregnancy shakes" and "labor vomiting", yeah, as soon as I get to the hospital I start shaking and as soon as they put the IV in me I start vomiting. High Five for that! So there's always that to look forward to. With my second pregnancy, I was in labor at church (the entire time, writing down how close my contractions were, breathing through them) and not a soul knew. By the time we got in the car and drove home (I was driving) they were about 7 - 8 minutes apart. Yes, even though I have to have a c section, I still went through hours of labor..awesome... They had me walk from the triage room to the OR room and I was pretty sure I could have pushed Zoe out in the hall way on my way there I was so dialated and the contractions were about 2 - 3 minutes apart. But to no avail I was given a spinal block and laid back on the table where I threw up so many time the anestialogist (SP??) threatened to intibate me (yes, awake)... And then couldn't even hold my daughter for almost 3 hours because I was shaking so bad. Yeah, I have great labor and delivery stories, makes you want to have a kid doesn't it?? And, btw, I read like a million (yes a million) pregnancy books during my first pregnancy, I watched all those "my child was born (fill in the blank with something horrific", I was "special deliver" and "bring baby home", etc, etc, NOT ONE told me about pregnancy shakes and vomiting....NOT ONE! I seriously need to write a book called "If you want to have a baby you probably shouldn't read this book"....I'm pretty sure it would be a best seller... And don't even get me started on the first trimester... Yes, I'd do it over and over again for my children (obviously) but just nothing prepares you, especially since every pregnancy, every woman and every baby are different.
So this pregnancy loads and loads of prayers are specifically for the labor and delivery alone. I don't mind the going into labor part even though I'm having a c section, I sort of want my baby to pick their own birthday. I just have high hopes for no shaking, no vomiting and being able to hold my baby ASAP! The one thing I do look forward to is the 4 - 5 days at the hospital. I know so many moms who were dying to get back home to their other children, their routine, etc. Not me, I like being there. People bring me pain medicine, take the baby so I can sleep, I order my food off of a touch screen and since I breastfeed I can have as many calories as I'd like, they change my bed, and with Isaac one nurses aid even gave me a massage..yeah I like the 4 - 5 days in the hospital. However, there's not as many visitors with the second one as with the first one, which can be a little bit boring....oh well..
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Veggies...yum
I will admit that I am not the best eater in the world. I like veggies, but I don't love veggies and I don't have a big array that I do like. I'd love to like (haha) squash of any kind, asparagus, but I like the 'normal' stuff. Beans (are those a veggie?), sweet potatoes, green beans, corn, potatoes, sugar snap peas (not real peas), things of that nature. We did plant a garden this year, but the weeds are out of control, because we didnt' take care of them BEFORE we planted and as hot as the weather has been, it's been rough. Anyway, a couple weeks ago my husband and I decided to do a veggie diet just for the week. Years ago I did this, but I kept it to raw veggies as much as possible, and I lost 10 pounds in that week. We did it this time, I even did veggie pizza and had rice or a whole wheat wrap with eggs a couple times, and I still lost 3.8 pounds. Hurray! I'm now down to 21 pounds lost, which is okay (I won't beat myself up right now on what 'could' have been or 'should' have been). This is good also because I had put on a few pounds since May. Also, I did the 3.8 pounds without doing any exercising, there just wasn't any time. I was SUPER busy and like I've always said there is something to keeping busy. Plus, just WALKING outside I'd sweat like I had just ran a mile. Anyway, this week, I kept it off, there wasn't really any dieting and no working out. I think this blog may take a different turn for a while. Not because I've given up, I've given up pretty much my entire life, so I have to "break the cycle" somehow, someway, but because I have many other things I'd like to talk about also.
I'm thinking in two weeks, I'm going to go the veggies thing again, but for two weeks. Also going to do some research on vitamins I think. Who knows, again, I'm always full of great ideas, not just great follow through.
I'm thinking in two weeks, I'm going to go the veggies thing again, but for two weeks. Also going to do some research on vitamins I think. Who knows, again, I'm always full of great ideas, not just great follow through.
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