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Friday, July 26, 2013

Why I haven't blogged

Well, in this case, I doubt the truth will set me free, but here goes nothing....

On my 33rd birthday I was so pumped up and ready to go and over the course of about a month I lost 6 - 8 pounds, I don't remember, I quit trying to keep track.  Well, since then, NOTHING, and quite possibly have gained 3 pounds.  My sister started weight watchers and has lost about 20 pounds and looks AMAZING!!  I am so happy for her, WW was not for me, I don't know why.  I know if I would have had access to the app and meetings I'm sure I would have done better, but the truth is, I eat, a lot.  It's ridiculous.

So, I tend to give advice.  I'm not sure if it's solicited or not, but I give out advice.  My mom always told me I'd either by a lawyer (because I loved to argue - which not so much anymore) or a counselor (because I was such a good listener, but I don't see that quality in myself).  Anyway, I give out advice.  And probably some of my most common advice is "this too shall pass".  Meaning, in the grand scheme of life, so many things are insignificant, time is relatively insignificant.  Now, your spouse, well they are around a long time, so that's not insignificant, but high school, for example, is only 4 years, if you live to 100 it's like 4% of your life, that is NOTHING!  I mean people throw away 4 pennies without a second thought and if something if $4 you think it's fairly cheap.  So, if high school sucks, which I was not so much a fan (because I made myself miserable - oh, me and the guy who called me jelly rolls every single day on my bus and made me cry every single day, oh and he paid this kid to pretend to ask me out, yup $18 to PRETEND he liked me for like 15 minutes and then laugh at me when I thought he really did like me.... yeah... high school....), but in the grand scheme of my life, high school was fairly insignificant.  Albeit, I probably should have tried harder and it maybe could have been a better time in my life (I was a pretty good student).  Anyway, the same goes with pregnancy, again, not a fan, it's only 9 months (at a time), so for me if I live to 100, it was approximately 2.7% of my life, that's nothing really.

To get to my point, I need less than a year to get the weight off that I want off, and that's being pretty generous.  However, I cannot take my own advice.  Why?  I do not know!!  I do not know why I will work out an hour a day and then sit and eat cheezits and 3 cookies at the end of the night.  Or instead of only 2 pieces of pizza, I will eat 4.  Why I set my alarm pretty much everyday to get up an hour before everyone else and instead I hit 'snooze' like 3 times and then eventually turn off the alarm all together.  And then, get aggravated that I have to work out during nap time, when I want to be doing other stuff.  Who does these things?  Even when I was in the doctor the other day he said if he could prescribe every patient to get up 30 minutes early and simply go for a walk (or something more strenuous would be ideal), he could solve so many health and mental issues.  And it's very true.  I feel better, physically and mentally when I work out first thing in the morning, BUT I don't do it.  I probably am the only person on the planet with these issues. 

I really thought 33 was my year, I've been married 10 years, and if I gain the same amount of weight the NEXT 10 years, I may as well dig my own grave. 

There is a confident, good dresser, happy, energetic girl screaming inside of me, and when I dream that's who I see.  Literally, when I dream at night, she comes out and is a force to be reckoned with, on so many levels, with so many things.  She's who I really am, but why does she only come out in my dreams?  Why is she not present when my alarm goes off?  Why is she not present when I put those cookies in my mouth?  Where does she go when I'm awake??  I need to find her, so if anyone has seen her OUTSIDE of my dreams, please tell her I'm looking for her.