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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Food Memories - But First....

First, I just need to get something out.  I'm really aggravated with myself.  I set my alarm to get up early, at first I was doing it often, not everyday but often, now I don't do it at all. So nap time consists of trying to rush through a work out and do whatever else I have to do during nap time.  Not to mention since I'm working out about 2 hours a day, I either have to work out the entire nap time or do an hour at nap time and then an hour at bedtime, which isn't the best time.  So I don't really know what to do with myself.  I may have to put myself on a strict bedtime, but I know I'm not good with "rules" or "restrictions"...I sort of rebel from them.  Like, tomorrow I'll be gone all day a good 12 hours, and I know in my head that I desperately need to work out before I leave the house, but I'd have to get up at like 430/5 to do that.  I honestly love the idea of doing this, I know I'll be awake and alert and just feel better through out the day but when it comes to that alarm going off, I'll just hit snooze.  And, today, it's a Wednesday, which are always crazy days, and I just ignored the alarm clock and when I did get up I ended up falling back asleep on the couch for 15 minutes.  Oh the days I could sleep for four hours and have abounding energy....

So, now that that's off my chest.  Onto food memories.  I have a lot of these, it's probably one of the many reasons I have food issues.  My mom was an amazing cook, we grew up on good, country, home cooked meals.  She made our breakfast before school almost every morning (which I hope to do for Isaac and Zoe), we always had a hot meal and we always had some variety.  I do remember lots of pork chops and potatoes probably because they are cheap, but she always had a variety of ways to fix them.  My favorite pork chops where breaded and laid over stuffing and baked...yummmmmy!!!  I don't think I've ever fixed pork chops in this house. 

For our birthdays every year we got to pick the meal for dinner.  My sister always picked either liver and onions (because I HATED it and she knew it and she was being mean, because I either ate that or nothing...so I'd pretty much eat nothing), sometimes she'd pick Fried Chicken, which is what my dad makes her now.  I'd pick meatloaf, with potatoes and green beans.  Travis would pick chicken and dumplings with either corn or peas and Andy would pick Spaboli (inside out pizza...sort of...kind of like a cal zone but like 100x better).   And sometimes these would vary but this is mostly the picks.  

Grape Nuts remind me of my maternal grandma, because I always had those for breakfast, and we never had them at our house, and I never understood why there wasn't any grapes in it.  My paternal grandma I have awesome food memories with, crackers with butter, fried egg sandwich on white bread with mayo and she used to make this hamburger and noodle thingy sometimes, she wasn't really that great of a cook but she definitely got an A for effort.  According to my dad she was a terrible cook, her mom died when she was a baby and she was the youngest of 5 girls so she was sort of babied, I guess she didn't really have to learn how to cook. 

The other day I was eating strawberries and I have a very distinct food memory that wasn't about my childhood.  Now, strawberries should probably remind me of my paternal grandpa because he had a farm (he didn't live there but he had one) and he had strawberries there and so we often had fresh strawberries.  Just an FYI, fresh strawberries DO NOT taste the same as what you get in the store and they dont' get as big (probably the case for most all fruits/veggies).  But as I was eating the strawberries I remembered how after Zoe was born I'd order a bowl full of strawberries for EVERY meal.  I was nursing so I was allowed to order as much food as I wanted and I literally would order an entire meal (plus some for snacks later) and then a big bowl of strawberries and sometimes it was the only thing I'd eat on my plate.  I dont' know what it was about strawberries but it's all I wanted.  And I was at the hospital for 4 1/2 days so I ate a lot of them.  Then I remembered craving then after I had Isaac and get this huge bowl of all kinds of fruit and it was so yummy, but I couldn't keep it down, I didn't give myself enough time for my stomach to settle after surgery.  I'm pretty sure if I get the pleasure of having another baby I'd probably eat a ton of strawberries.  Since I'm only "allowed" to have 2 more babies (it's all the c-sections my doctor feels safe to perform) I sort of wish I could have those last 2 in a couple years..... It's not like I can just keep having babies forever, I obviously can't....  anyway...wow, didn't know that was gonna come out in this entry.  I'm fine where I'm at if these two are all I have, I feel blessed to have a boy and a girl, healthy, happy and whole!

So, I have a lot of food memories beyond what I shared.  In my home growing up it was important that we all sat down at the table together to eat, that we had a nice, hot, home cooked meal and we turned the TV off.  It's not what I do now, but it was really special to me and really good for us kids.  Plus right now it's hard to fix two separate meals (and sometimes more because I have some insanely picky eaters at this house) and then sit down and watch everyone eat their huge plates of yummy food and I'm eating baked fish and roasted broccoli!  Anyway, I think everyone could link food to memories or memories to food.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Week 12 Weigh In

Friday was my 12th weigh in.  I would have loved to say that I've lost a consistent 3 pounds a week and was now at 36 pounds, only 2 away from my original/first goal.  But, unfortunately, I have not lost 3 pounds consistently, as I'm way more complicated that I thought.

But, the good news, I lost 2.5 pounds last week!!!!  One of my best weeks yet!  A total of 18.4 pounds!!!  And my food choices definitely could have been better, which sort of makes me mad at myself.  It just makes me think that if I would have been a little more careful I would have had an even bigger number, so this week I'm trying to do just that.  And I skipped Ab Ripper X at least once and I think missed at least one other work out, so this week I am not missing any work outs.

It feels pretty good to have almost 20 pounds off and I know this week I'll hit that 20 pound mark, or even better.   I have 4 1/2 weeks until BSMF, so another 10 - 15 pounds off would be awesome!!  Not what I want it to be, but at least better.  I already definitely have more confidence and have found even a few more jeans/pants that'll fit.  I measured myself and I'm pretty sure I'm doing something wrong with this measuring.  I don't really know where to hold the tape, so I might enlist the help of my husband this week.  I didn't measure myself on Jan 1 like I should have either, but that's okay.

I have this stack of clothes I pulled out when going through my clothes the other day.  They are my "man I hope these fit for BSMF."  Which is pretty motivational considering the last time they fit was 10 pounds BELOW my goal...  But we'll see, my body is totally different now after having 2 babies and I'm working out harder than I ever have.

This blog has made me more accountable that I thought.  People are telling me they are reading it when I didn't even know and then talking to me about what they are going through and I LOVE it!! And encouraging me to try different things, which I also LOVE! 
I have 42 days until my birthday (since last Friday), only 35 days until BSMF.  Don't worry I won't lose my motivation after either.  Picking up a 15 pound weight is HARD and to imagine that I carried that around PLUS a few pounds just in January.  Ugh, I can't imagine what about 50 pounds is going to feel like.  Well, I can...liberating!!!!!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Week 11 Weigh In

I realize I’m really far in getting this posted, but I guess it’s sort of a testament to how busy I can get. Even though it may seem at times that I don’t really do that much.  I actually weigh in again tomorrow, so I wanted to make sure I got this posted before then.  Hopefully tomorrow’s post won’t be this far behind next week!

Last week, as always, I was a little weary about how this weigh in was going to go.  I really wanted to see a 4 or better loss, I knew it was sort of a far reach but I was hopeful.  I did skip a few work outs, I only did 2 ab ripper x’s instead of the 3 on my list.  And I think I skipped a cardio one day, even though I did the toning/weight work out for that day.  I did realize something last week with all these weight loss shows I watch.  It sort of becomes super discouraging when I only lose a pound or two, because on TV I see all these girls my size losing 5 or 6 pounds and sometimes up to 10 pounds in a week.  I know they are working out 4 or 5 hours a day, their  food is closely monitored, they have personal trainers and of course the accountability of being on TV.  But last week on The Biggest Loser one of the girls was in charge of doing all the cooking for the week and was talking about she was weighing in for all the busy moms of America and when she got a 2 pound loss she was a little bit disappointed and wished she could have done better to show the moms of America that it’s possible.  For me, personally, 2 pounds a week is amazing and should never be considered a “low” number.  I think any mom in America who is as busy as me (again, I’m a pretty lazy mom/housewife) would be somewhat proud of 2 pounds a week.  I use the word proud here instead of happy because I think we’re always proud of a weight loss, I don’t think we’re always happy when it’s not as big as we hoped.

So, to the weigh in, I lost 2 pounds.  That makes 16 pounds total.  It’s like not even half way to where I want to be right now and I’m running out of time.  I’m pretty sure at this point that I will not reach my first goal, but I know I can’t give up.  I was sort of sad about my number, as I felt I had really put the work in.  Then I was reminded that there’s a way to KNOW that I’ll lose at least 3 pounds and then there’s “feeling” like I did a good job and may lose a couple pounds.  I get that writing down my calories and strictly sticking to 1200-1500 a day will pretty much guarantee me a 3 pounds weight loss a week.  I guess I just don’t have “that” in me that pushes me to do that.  I tend to stray more around 1700. 
Later that night a friend offered to watch baby girl, since the oldest 4 kids were at grandma’s, so Jeremy and I could actually have dinner alone (hasn’t happened since October of last year).  I was well behaved, using celery sticks instead of chips for the dip we had as an appetizer and I didn’t even eat that much of it, then picking a salad for dinner when I really wanted pasta.  We went to Target after dinner and I haven’t looked a clothes rack since probably November of last year, I just skip mine and go straight to the kids clearance racks.  But, since I had chub rubbed through 4 pairs of jeans I decided to just flip through and see if anything caught my eye.  I was pretty sure I’d buy a shirt and not pants, since shirts are much easier on my ego and I needed some baggy ones to hide the “muffin top” the jeans I had were giving me.  I saw a pair of jeans, $14, I was pretty positive these jeans were NOT going to fit me, they were 6 sizes (I think 6, I mean the sizes are numbered by even numbers only, so if you subtract the first size from the second size, it’s six, if you do it my two’s then it was only 3 sizes, but whatever, I saw 6) smaller than the pair I bought in January.  I couldn’t believe it!!!  They sat a smidge higher on my waist than I prefer but they fit, I mean they really really fit.  I still had the baggy shirt issue to deal with, I think it’s just from having two babies and not having the firmness I used to have in my belly that this is happening.  But I was beyond shocked, I couldn’t believe they fit.  I ran out and grabbed the exact same size in a different brand that was $11 and well, because brands can’t seem to get it together and those didn’t fit.  It’s okay though, we bought the $14 jeans!!  They are even a little baggy in the upper legs area.  Then tonight, before church, I grabbed a pair of jeans I had put up because they didn’t fit in January and they fit.  I didn’t take my measurements last week when I weighed in and I probably should have.  I will this week though for sure.

Again, not hopeful for the number on the scale this week.  I know I could have done better in the eating department even though I’ve done pretty amazing in the work outs.  Today even I did 2 hours of P90X and went for an hour long walk with Jeremy and the babies AND made sure to do the Ab work out.  So, I feel like I did my part today.  The hill during our walk that I normally huff and puff up, I went up pretty smoothly.  (So I wrote everything above on Wednesday.)
Today, being Thursday now, I definitely put the work outs in.  I did a Plyometrics AND Kenpo, that’s pretty crazy.  I didn’t want to do anything, I was pretty much trying to find any excuse I could to not work out, but I had none.  The up and down in weather has my mood up and down.  Of course after each work out I felt better.  While I was eating lunch, a Starkist Seasations Sesame Ginger Shrimp Frozen EntrĂ©e I bit into something hard.  Upon inspection of my mouth, I first thought it was a piece of glass, no no, it was a diamond!  We checked my wedding ring, and it was not from mine (thank goodness).  The diamond is pretty small, but I called Starkist and they want me to send it to them.  I’m thinking I’m hitting up a jeweler tomorrow to find out if it’s real!!!  It’s not like I can sue them, I wasn’t hurt and people lie and so I’m sure they won’t believe a word I say anyway, but I know the truth and so does Jeremy.
Weigh in tomorrow, we shall see!  Five weeks until Memphis, Six weeks until my 31st birthday,  I’d have to loss about 22 pounds to reach the first goal….I’m grateful for every pound!!  And the plan is to get up and do cardio AND my weight work out before I weigh in!  Doing that the other day really freed up my entire day!
Wednesday night at church was unbelievable!!!!  Just had to throw that out there!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Sleep

I know I had posted that I was "giving up" sleeping in for Lent, which I don't really observe but it was supposed to be a jumping off point.  I just can't get it together.  When I have two work outs to do in a day and the second one doesn't get started until 9/9:30 I'm like wide awake for another couple hours. Basically I just can't get myself to sleep at a reasonable time to get up at 6/6:30.  These work outs are really kicking my booty.  And the nutritional guide says to get at least 7 hours of sleep and to eat no less than 1800 calories when you do these work outs (that's on the normal one, I'm doing Doubles) and I'm definitely eating less than that.  Today is a church night and I'm supposed to do two (actually 3 if you count the Ab work out), and even if I would have gotten up early it would have been hard to get all three work outs in.  And since I weigh in on Fridays I need to have a heavy work out day on Thursday, so I'm switching my days. 

I'm sort of disappointed in myself for not getting up early, well I have, but only maybe 2 or 3 days out of the last week.  But I know I can't linger on that disappointment or it'll just fuel me to binge today.  I just have to go with it and try again tomorrow.

My calories were okay yesterday, I didn't write down exact numbers.  I didn't measure my lettuce or anything else for my salad and nothing even tasted good yesterday, so I don't know what was going on with me.  I still really hate writing down everything I eat and keeping track of it, I don't know what it is about it that drives me nuts, but something definitely does.

Weather is beautiful!!  It would probably be a good idea to take the kiddos for a walk, even if it's a short one!  But definitely opening the windows, maybe that'll help :)

Monday, March 14, 2011

Chub-a-rubbing

For those of you who do not know what a "chub rub" is, let me explain.  It is when your thighs rub together and do one of two things, well three things I guess.  First, if you have on shorter shorts/skirts/dresses it'll cause your thighs to rub together and then give you a chub rub rash where they rub together, it's very unpleasant.  Second, if you have on longer shorts, they cause your shorts to ride up your inner legs and like every 2 or 3 steps you have to do this super fancy footwork to try to work it out of your upper thighs without it really look like that's what you're doing, or use your hands to pull it down, but that's really noticeable, so the fancy footwork is really best.  Or third, it's when your thighs rub together and cause thinning in jeans/Capri's and then it eventually rubs through..leaving holes and what not...which means, basically ruining the clothes. 

So, I have experienced all these chub rubs my entire life, in various forms, and I'm pretty much an expert at the fancy footwork to get the shorts out of my frontal wedgie.  However, it being winter that hasn't really been much of an issue.  I have wore skirt/dress maybe once in the last 6 months but only in situations I would not be walking much...like church and so it didn't really bother me.  But this is pretty much the main reason I don't currently wear skirts/dresses.  However, the chub rubs through jeans have been a major problem lately.  I don't really buy myself clothes, I hate clothes shopping, pretty much true of anyone who's been here before.  No clothes fit the way I like it, I don't really want to know what size I am, plus I prefer to spend money on other people.  So I've had pretty much the same jeans forever!  (I did break down and buy a pair maybe 2 months ago, I don't really like the way they fit so I haven't wore them much.)  I've had 2 pair that fit how I like them, they were nice and stretched out, I wore them through most of both of my pregnancies.  Making them at least 4ish years old.  Well, I chub rubbed through both of them in the last 2 weeks.  It was pretty major, especially considering my "going down" pants don't quite fit me yet either.  So, one of my "going down" jeans sort of fit since I lost 14 pounds and I started wearing them, with baggy shirts...I totally chub rubbed right through them a few days ago.  They were already thin from the years before.  THEN I found another pair that I was pretty sure would fit, they were some of my bigger "going down" jeans, I pulled them out, I didn't even have to wear them, they already had a chub rub...I think in the closet they just said to themselves "I am NOT going to be squeezed around that booty and those thighs, I'd rather go in the trash" and just formed a hole all by itself.  That's four pairs in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!  So, now I have the jeans I bought a couple months ago that I don't really like, but they kind of fit, they basically sit to high on my waist and anything higher than my upper hips drives me CRAZY!  Has my entire life, when I was younger my mom would buy me men's jeans because they said on my hips right and girls jeans didn't (before hip huggers came back in).  And I have another pair of tight "going down" jeans, which have to be worn with baggy shirts.  Unfortunately I'm running out of baggy shirts, rotating 3 or 4 is getting a little difficult, plus most of them are either just beat up t-shirts or winter-y shirts, so in a couple weeks, they won't really fly.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE jeans, tank tops and flip flops.  (One day I'm going to write an 'ode' to jeans, flip flops and tank tops...because it's pretty much my favorite thing to wear.)  But the "new" jeans and the "going down" jeans will NOT support this, unless I loss some more weight!  The tank tops are not very forgiving...

This has all honestly become a frustrating place to be in.  No, I am not going to buy more jeans right now.  I have a few more "going down" jeans that will DEFINITELY not work right now, but soon, very very soon!  Anyway, I kind of just needed to get this off my chest, speaking of which, that's were I'm losing the most inches...a mother's body is a cruel, cruel beast!

I started P90X.  Okay, I know, okay I don't know.  Here's the thing.  It obviously works.  A friend of mine's husband did it and got amazing results and another friends husband is doing it right now and likes it so far.  Plus it's fun talking to him about the silliness of it.  It's silly because it's like it's own little world of crazy exercise people.   And I've done it off and on for a few months.  I finally settled on P90X "Doubles".  Here's what I did, because I need this weight off like yesterday.... The actual "doubles" part of the work out didn't start until week 4..well I don't have 4 weeks so I started the doubles today.  I made my own routine basically.  I got rid of any yoga, I like yoga, but right now I want to save the yoga for "maintaining" and for something extra, not for the only work out in a day.  I would like to say though, I did like 10 actual sit ups...they are called ..okay I don't remember honestly.   But it's like a V-up, cross your hand over to the opposite foot, then roll half way back and do another sit up with your legs in the air, they are HARD...3 weeks ago I totally did those as crunches, but today I actually touched my opposite toe.  So proud of that!!!  Everyday I get stronger.  I'm not keeping track of how many reps I'm doing or the weights I'm using, not sure why, but I'm just not.  I only have 5 pound dumbbells and 15 pound dumbbells, so it gets a little difficult to find that happy spot on some of the work outs but I make it work!

Did AMAZING on my calories today.  Even stopped and bought Jeremy and the babies fast food and I waited to eat until I got home!  I did not get up early today, it's something really hard for me.  But I really need to.  I get so irritable when I have to save nap time for work outs, especially when I'm trying to do 2 in a day!  So, anyway that's whats up with me this week.  I keep thinking about going to Memphis with my gorgeous best friend and taking pictures and not being satisfied with any of the pictures because I hate the way I look.  So, even though I won't be at my end goal, just feeling somewhat better about myself, feeling stronger, more confident and just lighter will just make the trip that much more enjoyable.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Week 10 Weigh In

I have to be blunt, I am PEEVED (not the word I want to use, but I'm going with it)!  I said I didn't weigh in last week but at some point I peeked and had gained a pound, it's fine, I knew I had a bad week so I wasn't mad about it.  I wasn't happy, but I wasn't mad.  So, this week, I've really revved up my workouts, I mean I did P90X at least 5 days this week and a few times did even more work outs than that, or double P90X.  On Monday not only did I do a P90X but I pushed the double stroller with both kids in it, on the 5K we plotted out in our subdivision.  And it's the hilliest 5K ever!  Anyway, I got on the scale this morning, kind of expecting a great number, well, at least a weight loss!  I didn't loss any weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, I lost the pound I gained last week, that it is!  My food was good, probably not great, but definitely good.  I didn't even have a waffle this week, not even one!  I didn't eat any cookies this week!!!  I kept telling myself "this waffle/cookie/whatever does not taste as good as thin feels."  Lame right?  But it's so true.  I kept telling myself that none of this food is going to make me as happy in this moment as I'll be in the long run when I've lost the weight!  UGH, I want to KenpoX some one's face right now!!!  I didn't do my measurements, maybe I should and I'd feel better about it, but the way I feel right now, I'm pretty sure I'd be disappointed in that also.

So, I guess the lesson is, if I really want this weight to come off healthy but fast I will pre-plan my meals and count every single calorie.  I guess, I hate the idea of it, but if it's what I have to do.  And, by the way, it's week 10, if I had done what I planned to do, I would be at about 25 - 30 pounds weight loss right now.  And of course, that's insanely discouraging, to know what I could be at.  To know I'd be almost at my first goal and half way to my end goal.  UGH!  I did have mashed potatoes once or twice and have some stuffing one day, but seriously it just didn't seem like enough calories to not get any loss at all.

I actually "chub rubbed" through my two pair of jeans this week.  The stretched out jeans that I've had forever, that fit without giving me a muffin top, maybe two weeks ago I went right through the darker pair and then this week the lighter pair went.  It's sad.  And actually have a pair of work out pants that I have done that with also.  It's really kind of gross when I really think about it, but it's life right now.  So, I had to break out the jeans that sort of fit and it's been difficult.  They don't make me feel good, even though I know that are my "going down" jeans - meaning they are jeans that fit me on my way back down to my goal weight and I thought I'd be excited to be in them.  I'm not excited, they fit, tightly, I have to wear baggy shirt with them right now, which isn't really how I wanted it to be.  When I got into them, I wanted it to be awesome, and it's pretty much not awesome.  And I'm pretty sure I'll chub rub right through these jeans in the next month probably. 

Man, I'm so discouraged!  At this point I would normally just give up, to be honest, I feel like I sort of have given up off and on.  Giving up on myself a day here and a day there has proven to not have good results on the scale.  But, if I really want to do this, I have to be proud of the 14 pounds I have lost (I was so proud to say that number before, now I'm kind of ashamed that it's STILL 14 and it SHOULD be 25). 

I really really thought I was going to have a 4 pound loss this week and I would have pushed through another barrier....

I want to say positive things and make some funny jokes.  The story about the chub rub I was saving for a funny post, but it doesn't even seem funny right now.   I know my husband would do anything to help me.  I know he'd pay for a gym membership buy me whatever diet supplements I wanted, do whatever.  But I just really wanted to do this at home, without supplements, without trainers, without a gym to prove it can be done.  Yes, I know it's been proven, my husband did it 40 pounds in 3 1/2 months.  But I was trying to prove that even us women with an emotional attachment to food, a food addiction of sorts could do this.

Luckily, right now I don't want to go binge on waffles, which is what I would have normally done.  I seriously, want to KenpoX some one's face.  I woke up sort of early and worked out for 25 minutes before I weighed in, and I still plan on doing my P90X later in the day and I'm just going to do this, there are no other options for me.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Week 9 Weigh In

So, it's been a pretty crazy week!  I chose not to weigh in this week simply because I knew that if that number was higher than the week before I may not be able to get back on track for a while.  It was baby girl's first birthday and there was junk food around, well leftovers and I just couldn't say no.  I don't think I gained like 5 pounds or anything but even the thought of staying the same was going to drive me crazy, so next week, I'm expecting great things!

On Thursday I got another AMAZING surprise!  My husband bought me two tickets to Beale Street Music Festival in Memphis for my birthday!  Two my favorite bands of all times are playing!!  Me and my bff are going and I couldn't be more excited.  We went 9 years ago (and I went 8 years ago for one day with my husband) and 9 years ago, as I've talked about, was my "skinny" year!  So, this gave me some incredible motivation.  I hope I can find some "odds and ends" work to do for someone or many people to make some extra money to take with me!!  Babysitting?  Housecleaning?  Anyone? :)

So, today, I ate okay.  Then I met my TWO besties at Pizza Pro in Wentzville and if you haven't been there...you should totally go, but only if you can "afford" the calories!  It's the best pizza buffet ever and being a fatty I know pizza buffets!! So I worked out for 45 minutes before I went and then kept saying I was going to do a P90X when I got back.  By the time we ate, I went to Target, gave the kiddos a bath, picked up for a minute or two, I was yawning a lot!  And Isaac wouldn't stay down, he kept coming and laying on the couch in the living room.  I finally just said "You know what"  okay, I don't remember what it was I said, but it was hilarious and motivational and I'm really aggravated I didn't write it down in that moment like I thought I should!!  Anyway, I did a KenpoX, which is an hour workout and I was SWEATING.  Of course now I'm not yawning, but I'm so glad I did it.  Then I ate some strawberries, I had a fierce craving for them.  It could be worse, there's ice cream cake in the freezer.

So, I asked my husband how much I'd have to work out to lose a pound a day for the next 50ish days (that's how many days until the Festival) if I kept a 1500 calorie day.  And he told me about 4 hours a day (by the way, my husband is a genius and I'm not just saying that because I love him, he's sincerely a genius), but 4 hours a day - um, that's insane!  So, here's the deal:

I've talked about Lent and the thoughts of depriving myself of certain things and well, I'm not so great at that, I'm somewhat of an indulgent kind of person.  And, no, I'm not talking about materially, maybe self-indulgence, ok that's not it either.   Indulgent is DEFINITELY not a word I would ever use to describe myself.  I just don't do well with deprivation I guess.  I mean I've done it in the past and it's worked for me.  I do hope to give some stuff up but here's what I've decided I'm giving up.  Sleeping in!  Okay, this sounds so stupid simply because who in their right mind would give this up?  Especially someone with little kids, who don't always nap, and never nap at the same time.  But, after talking with my husband, if I get up early and do an hour and then as soon as the kid go to sleep do another hour, I'm half way there.  When Zoe naps, do another 30 - 60 minutes and I'm well on my way.  Plus if I don't get around to it while she naps, at least I got in 2 hours, I mean, that's pretty awesome.

So, basically, I need to go to bed right now because I have to be up super early!  And since my kids are at least sleeping in lately, maybe I can cat nap on the couch for a few minutes before getting the crew together for church in the morning.  And when I lay down I am not going to think "oh I only am going to get 5 hours of sleep" or whatever time.  I'm going to think "I have five more hours until I get to do something for myself again."

And when I feel like I'm not getting enough sleep, I can take it out on the girl who spent all those late nights binging, and not working out and fibbing about what I'm eating.  So, I'm gonna kick that girls butt and take control of THIS girls life!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

A non-practicing Catholic's Lent Decision

For as long as I can remember I've crossed my right leg over top of my left leg.  As a fatty (I'm okay with using this word, don't worry) it's not always pretty when I do it, but whatever, I'm a lady (not so much!).  Anyway, I can't really cross my left leg over my right, will this change when I loss weight?  I don't exactly remember if I was able to do both when I was thinner...I think I was..but I'm excited to find out if I can!!

And, as for those you don't know, I was raised Catholic.  I'm not Catholic anymore, by choice, and I'm totally fine if you are!  Anyway, next week starts Lent.  This is what I remember about Lent, it's something that Catholics observe to honor the 40 days and nights that Jesus was tempted in the dessert, leading up to His death and resurrection on the cross.  Now, I'm all about observing this.  I am always tempted, food is my nemesis and I do not fair as well against food as Jesus did against the devil himself and if Jesus can do it, I know I can, as He was human just as I am.  During lent you're supposed to sacrifice something.  During lent you don't eat meat on Fridays either.  Oh and on Sundays, whatever you gave up for lent you may now have again.  For example, as a kid we gave up TV - I know that's like insane right?!?!  We gave up TV on Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays and that time was totally family time.  Usually spent playing board games and doing puzzles with my mom, wrestling with my dad, those sort of things (man, I have so much to learn from my parents still).  On Fridays we spent the entire night at the KC Hall helping with the Fish Fry's so that wasn't really a big deal (oh memoriesssssssssss).  Anyway, I remember once in like 6th grade or so I gave up chips.  I loved chips, we only ever had plain off brand chips or off brand Doritos, that's all we ever had in our house but I loved them.  So I gave them up.  Oh and there's something to do with the 12 stations of the cross, which bare resemblance to 12 important steps in Jesus' journey to His death and resurrection.  Being tempted by the devil three times, the good Samaritan coming to help Him carry the cross, things of that nature.  And there's incense involved during the 12 stations of the cross, some rosary praying, things of that sort.  Those are the sort of thing that is confusing to me, the religious stuff I guess....but this isn't about that, so moving on!!

When I lost a bunch of weight, it started right at lent, which was an "early lent" (I don't really get why Easter is never the same, something to do with something....) and I decided, even though I wasn't a practicing Catholic I was going to give up something and I gave up sugar and salt.  And to be completely honest I doubt that I actually gave those things completely up, but that was my intention.  I dont' really remember eating, except every Sunday I got a Pepsi and a Snickers.  So, as this Lent approaches and I'm still not a practicing Catholic, I'm trying to decide if I should give something up.  Just as a push...And kind of as an honor to God I guess.  So show Him gratitude for how far He's gotten me in life, for meeting me RIGHT where I'm at, for the sacrifice He made for me, for His never ending blessings, you know, those sort of awesome things!!!  The idea of soda has come through my head.  My sister left me her tea maker...that's right, I can't seem to figure out tea w/o a tea maker, it may have something to do with the fact that I don't have any clear pitchers...maybe, who knows!  Anyway, moving on.  So I've thought about soda, I've also thought about dairy products.  Okay, so I haven't had personal research on this, but I've heard great things about going dairy free.  I've also heard about gluton free, but I'm just not sure if I could pull that one off.  I'd also be totally okay with giving up meat on Fridays (maybe Thursdays, but it's not the ritual that matters, it's the meaning behind the observance, I guess, well, it sounds right.) 

So, at first, I wasn't going to even mention this to "anyone" because I was just going to do it, but we all know how far that has gotten me in the past.  I mean, I started this blog a few days before the New Year so I had some accountability even before I began.  And maybe that's what I'm doing now.  So, now I have to settle on what I'm giving up.  Along with the food part of things, I've thought about activities.  There are many activities that take up my time (this blog included honestly) that I could spend doing many other things.  But anyway, I am going to pray on this and see what God reveals to me.  I know there's food things that are going. 

Two days until a weigh in, not excited....  Did get to walk/jog outside today.