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Friday, March 11, 2011

Week 10 Weigh In

I have to be blunt, I am PEEVED (not the word I want to use, but I'm going with it)!  I said I didn't weigh in last week but at some point I peeked and had gained a pound, it's fine, I knew I had a bad week so I wasn't mad about it.  I wasn't happy, but I wasn't mad.  So, this week, I've really revved up my workouts, I mean I did P90X at least 5 days this week and a few times did even more work outs than that, or double P90X.  On Monday not only did I do a P90X but I pushed the double stroller with both kids in it, on the 5K we plotted out in our subdivision.  And it's the hilliest 5K ever!  Anyway, I got on the scale this morning, kind of expecting a great number, well, at least a weight loss!  I didn't loss any weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I mean, I lost the pound I gained last week, that it is!  My food was good, probably not great, but definitely good.  I didn't even have a waffle this week, not even one!  I didn't eat any cookies this week!!!  I kept telling myself "this waffle/cookie/whatever does not taste as good as thin feels."  Lame right?  But it's so true.  I kept telling myself that none of this food is going to make me as happy in this moment as I'll be in the long run when I've lost the weight!  UGH, I want to KenpoX some one's face right now!!!  I didn't do my measurements, maybe I should and I'd feel better about it, but the way I feel right now, I'm pretty sure I'd be disappointed in that also.

So, I guess the lesson is, if I really want this weight to come off healthy but fast I will pre-plan my meals and count every single calorie.  I guess, I hate the idea of it, but if it's what I have to do.  And, by the way, it's week 10, if I had done what I planned to do, I would be at about 25 - 30 pounds weight loss right now.  And of course, that's insanely discouraging, to know what I could be at.  To know I'd be almost at my first goal and half way to my end goal.  UGH!  I did have mashed potatoes once or twice and have some stuffing one day, but seriously it just didn't seem like enough calories to not get any loss at all.

I actually "chub rubbed" through my two pair of jeans this week.  The stretched out jeans that I've had forever, that fit without giving me a muffin top, maybe two weeks ago I went right through the darker pair and then this week the lighter pair went.  It's sad.  And actually have a pair of work out pants that I have done that with also.  It's really kind of gross when I really think about it, but it's life right now.  So, I had to break out the jeans that sort of fit and it's been difficult.  They don't make me feel good, even though I know that are my "going down" jeans - meaning they are jeans that fit me on my way back down to my goal weight and I thought I'd be excited to be in them.  I'm not excited, they fit, tightly, I have to wear baggy shirt with them right now, which isn't really how I wanted it to be.  When I got into them, I wanted it to be awesome, and it's pretty much not awesome.  And I'm pretty sure I'll chub rub right through these jeans in the next month probably. 

Man, I'm so discouraged!  At this point I would normally just give up, to be honest, I feel like I sort of have given up off and on.  Giving up on myself a day here and a day there has proven to not have good results on the scale.  But, if I really want to do this, I have to be proud of the 14 pounds I have lost (I was so proud to say that number before, now I'm kind of ashamed that it's STILL 14 and it SHOULD be 25). 

I really really thought I was going to have a 4 pound loss this week and I would have pushed through another barrier....

I want to say positive things and make some funny jokes.  The story about the chub rub I was saving for a funny post, but it doesn't even seem funny right now.   I know my husband would do anything to help me.  I know he'd pay for a gym membership buy me whatever diet supplements I wanted, do whatever.  But I just really wanted to do this at home, without supplements, without trainers, without a gym to prove it can be done.  Yes, I know it's been proven, my husband did it 40 pounds in 3 1/2 months.  But I was trying to prove that even us women with an emotional attachment to food, a food addiction of sorts could do this.

Luckily, right now I don't want to go binge on waffles, which is what I would have normally done.  I seriously, want to KenpoX some one's face.  I woke up sort of early and worked out for 25 minutes before I weighed in, and I still plan on doing my P90X later in the day and I'm just going to do this, there are no other options for me.

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