Week 8 Weigh In!

I sort of freaked out realizing it was week 8, I can't believe that.  I'm really far behind, but I'm okay with that, I'll pick it back up big time soon!! 

So, weighed in yesterday.  I got up and did a 25 minute work out, then weighed in.  I lost 1 pound this week!  So 14 total.  I'm behind, but I don't even care right now.  I broke that weight that I was stuck at for YEARS!  Just by one pound, but I broke it and now I'm gonna kick it's royal butt!!!

Today was baby girls 1st birthday party.  I actually am pretty proud of myself.  I did an "appetizer buffet" and I was pretty scared that I'd just eat all day long and I really didn't.  Something about when you cook it yourself I guess.  I ate a plate of food for lunch, one cupcake, and a plate of food for dinner, and I even got up early to do a 25 minute work out before I started prepping.  The party was a lot of fun, lots of family.  Zoe got lots of ADORABLE outfits!  Shopping for a girl is so fun!!  And I do have lots of veggies left over.  I gave away as much other stuff as I could while people were leaving!!

So 70 days left.  That's about 10 weeks, so 2.5 pounds a week needs to be about what I hit.  We'll see how things go, I'm not going to get down on myself as long as the number is coming down.  And I have to remind myself it's only the first goal, I still have another one after that.

Looks like the weather is going to have another bi-polar episode this week.  But tomorrow may be warm enough to jog outside!!  Let's hope!

Grey Skies Are Gonna Clear Up...

The worst thing about winter to me is the grey skies.  I mean, I am no fan of the cold weather, I don't particularly like shoes (we'll get to this later), I really don't like driving with a coat on and bundling up my kids is no fun.  I only think snow is pretty when it's under 3 inches and doesn't effect any of my plans whatsoever.  And only the first day, after that it's brown and pushed to piles on the side of the road and it looks like dinosaur poop, so it should just evaporate.  Sledding only seems like fun if you have the energy to make it back up the hill, which at this time, I do not.  And snow men are cool, I guess, I mean, they don't talk so that's nice.

Anyway, the grey skies are really killing me here.  I know we had a good week to 10 days of beautiful weather and I get that I shouldn't be sad that the last three or four days have been grey, but for the last 4 months or so it seems like 6/7 days a week are cloudy, yuck!  I don't think the grey skies bother me as much when it's warm, well because it's warm, I can go outside and still soak up some UV's!  It seems like it'll be a few more days before the weather will be nice again, and I'm still not sure it'll still be sticking around.  I kept preparing myself that the weather fluke last week, was just that, a fluke, but I couldn't help but have hope that it would stay.

So, shoes!  Well, boots honestly.  I prefer no shoes or flip flops, I mean it's the best thing really.  Flip flops, jeans and a tank top are my absolute favorite thing to wear and I'd wear it all year long if I could.  I really need to invest in some more flip flops, I wear mine out so fast and they are really the only "shoes" that I'm particular about.  No, I don't spend a lot of money on them, but just certain things I'm particular about.  So, when I was thin, like 9ish years ago, I got my tax return about this time of year (a whole $600 and I thought I was banking!), so I decided to go out and buy boots, knee high boots, I called them "hooker boots" but we'll just say knee high boots now.  So, I was the thinnest I've ever been and I go shopping.  I hit up the regular shops for me, large discount shoe stores, it wasn't Payless, I honestly can't remember which one it was.  I found boots, they were cute, not high heels (which by the way, I CANNOT walk in, but one day I will, yes, that's right I'm 30 and cant' walk in high heels, whatever, I'm fine with it for now).  I try them on, my size 9 or 9 1/2 and they would not zip up my calves, honestly, I was pretty devastated, but I knew I hot, so I just bought a size 10.  From that day forward I had to wear 2 pairs of socks with my boots at all times.  Now, the boots are since gone, I threw them out last year I believe, maybe the year before, my calves got way too big for them and stretched them to tear (again, not high quality boots, but they lasted like 7 years, that's pretty awesome).  So, now I wonder...

When I was skinny I didn't really work out much.  Some jogging when I felt like it, I did so sit ups and push ups everyday but that was about it.  Now, I'm working out a lot, and I'm actually eating right (I pretty much didn't eat at all 9 years ago).  Am I going to have to buy boots that are too big again?  I would be pretty sad!  I mean, I have nice calves, even when I'm big I feel like they are pretty nice, so, yeah, that's just my thoughts for the day.  I hope I do not have to buy a bigger shoe size because of my calf size this time around!!

Tomorrow is weigh in, and for the infamous line...I am not looking forward to it.  I seriously need to focus so I can have some major weeks!!  I will, I need these grey skies to go away and the warm weather to hug me!!

Week 7 Weigh In

So this posting is a little late.  We had a super busy weekend, but it was amazing.  God really confirmed some things for me over the weekend, re-awakened some "dreams" in my own life.  And I know it sounds ridiculous but this weight loss will only help catapult me into those dreams.  Why?  Because I don't have the confidence to do some of them.  I know God can give me the grace, I mean grace and mercy is really what I've lived on for the last many years.

So, the results for Week 7 - I lost FOUR POUNDS!  Hurray!  Reminder: I did gain 2.5 pounds the week before, but whatever!!  So my totally is now 13 pounds, I was hoping to be closer to 20 by now, but 13 is fine!  Nothing really seems to fit any differently, I did tighten my belt to the next loop but it was pretty tight.  I did lots of walking/jogging this weekend and even though the weather was chili today I went out today and walked/jogged.

I have a list of funny stuff to write about, but I just wanted to get this posted since I'm behind!

77 days left until my first goal, need to be losing about 1/3 - 1/2 pound a week to hit it.  I know when the warm weather comes and stays it'll be easier, grey, cloudy, cold days makes me a little crabby and unmotivated!!

Super Day - Weigh in Tomorrow

So, today was a good day!  It was really busy, but I got to go for a walk/jog before lunch.  I did the 5K we mapped out in our subdivision.  It is crazy hilly.  As I was headed out to jog I almost headed just down our road, but quickly turned around when I realized that if I went that way, as soon as I got back to my driveway I'd just go home.  And it's really not that long of a jog.  So I immediately turned around when I realized this and headed the other way.  I did some jogging, not a lot but some.  And I tried to conquer that hill again, jog up the entire thing, but it did not happen.  I even stood at the bottom and spoke to my hill.  Neighbors probably thought I was crazy but they probably already did if they heard me screaming and cursing my septic tank the day before.  (That was not a pretty moment, but my amazing husband fixed it with only $20 in parts - woohoo - normally would have cost us about $250).

So, the jog felt amazing.  I have plans to do it again in the morning before I weigh in.  I know it'll be colder tomorrow, but I'm so happy just to be outside and not see my own breath.  The weather is not sticking, it seems like we're going to have more cold weather.  Oh and on the food part today I actually did amazing.  I came in well below what I was planning on hitting today.  And I felt full all day, so that works I guess.  I kind of want to eat right now, maybe an apple or a few carrots but I'll say no.

So, what made today - SSUUUUPPPPEEEERR!!  I came home from my jog and as I was coming around the corner I saw the UPS man and I said to myself, I hope that was for me.  And it was!  I won a Sony Blu-Ray DVD stereo system, 2 Blu-Ray movies, 4 movie passes, 4 free popcorns and sodas, a t-shirt, a photo album, a santa hat, I think that's it.  About $350 worth of stuff!!  How amazing is that?!?!?!  I had gotten an email like 2 months ago that I won and I kind of thought it was a scam, I really don't remember entering this particular sweepstakes, so I was hopeful but I knew if it never showed up I would be fine.  Funny thing, my husband bought almost this exact same thing about 8 months ago!  So, I'm going to sell it on Craigslist and pocket some cash!!  We're keeping the DVD's and other small stuff.  Anyway, I'm so excited!!

Tomorrow is my 7 week weigh in, I'll be glad if I don't gain weight. I had pizza at the beginning of the week and didn't get to work out at least 2 days this week.  I did good Tues - Thursday but that doesn't make weight loss, that just means my head is slowly getting back on straight.

We have Revival at church this weekend and I was sooooo excited to go!  Definitely need a touch, but I'll be home all weekend.  Jeremy is Pastoral Usher so he's definitely needed there to help out and I have no babysitter, it would be really weird hours to ask someone to babysit anyway.  I got Isaac some stuff to paint and I'm going to hit up some garage sales Saturday so it'll be a good weekend!

Good for me.

This weekend we had a Game Day at our house for Children's Church.  A lot of parents came, including some moms that I've really come to love.  One has just gotten off a food detox.  No gluton or sugar (could be more than that, but that's what I remember.)  She feels awesome, it was for 30 days.    As we talked, she made some major points that rang so true for me.

First, she talked about comparing calories to budgeting/dollars.  So, if you are budgetting (which as a family of 7, this is something we have to do), and say you have $2000 for the month, you subtract each thing, $800 rent, $100 electricity, so on and so forth until you get down to what you either have left for the month. If you go over you have to make adjustments.  So, when I started counting calories I'd just write down next to what I ate how much I had eaten and then add it in my head as the day went.  Today, I started with my calorie goal for the day and then subtracted as I went.  It made so much more sense, and I'm not really sure why I didn't think of that. 

Second, she talked about grieving.  Now, I've been through my fair share of grief, but this was a different sort.  I am often angry or sad that I don't have the 'priviledges' of mom's with mom, for example.  And I need to grief THAT, not just my mom.  I need to grieve my life not being exactly as I had planned it to be, in essence.

So, those things rang so true to me.  I have a list of things I want to blog about, but I figured I shouldn't use all my ideas up in one day.

I've been able to jog outside a couple days which is awesome!!  I love to be outside.  I love to put on my iPod and just jog.  I try to push myself, I still wish I had a trainer of some sort to push me, but I'm doing it, that's the important part.  I'm pretty sure it's not enough to lose weight this week, but every day that I do something good for myself, is a good day to me.

Week 6 Weigh In - and - ugh!

I've been avoiding this posting all day!  We spent the day getting ready for Children's Church Game Day tomorrow!  It should be a blast.  Jeremy has to leave by 10:45 am, so hopefully I can get a work out before then!  I'm hoping the weather will cooperate so I can jog outside!  The weather is supposed to be awesome the next few days, can't wait!  My cabin fever is out of control really!!

So, um, I gained 2.5 pounds!  That would technically mean I consumed approximately an extra 8500 calories this week and didn't work out.  That's pretty impossible really.  I did either KenpoX or CardioX (from P90X) at least 5 days this week.  And did AbRipperX one day.  So, let's say I didn't even do that stuff, I'm not really sure I could even consume an extra 8500 calories in a week.  That's an extra 1000plus calories a day above my maintenance calories, NOT the diet calories.  So, that would mean I would have had to eat about 3600 calories every day and not work out (which I did).  This seems ludicrous to me! 

I was so upset it brought tears.  I didn't work out before I weighed in, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have mattered.  I actually didn't work out at all today. 

Looking back on my week, I see things that have caused struggles.  I can't seem to focus.  I cant' seem to get back that feeling I had at the beginning.  I am VERY behind on my daily reading, over 2 weeks behind.  My focus has been on how I am going to look and not how I'm going to feel.  My focus has been on how I don't have enough time, instead of what can I do to find the time.  It's been a negative week on so many levels, mostly the levels inside my head.  I thought that if I could get through the week surrounding my mom's death that I could get through anything, funny how I've realized that's not really what's causing my struggles.

So, I'll try again this week, I'll try to refocus, I'll try to be even more careful about what I eat!  I'm still not writing it down, I'm not keeping very good track of my calories, I'm sneaking a cookie when I get little man one.  All the bad habits I thought I easily got rid of in 6 weeks...how quickly they come back when you're not paying attention and being diligent.  I've even went back to biting my nails, which I was FOR SURE I'd conquered before Christmas.  I guess Rome wasn't built in a day...as they say!

But I'm extremely discouraged, fighting the urges all week to binge and fighting the urge today to binge.  Which of course only makes me feel worse.  Who seriously would have thought this was so much bigger than working out and eating better?  I mean, you see it on shows about how it's the work inside a person that's the hardest, but I was pretty sure after 6 weeks I had those issues licked.  But I am an overcomer, I am more than a conqueror, great is He that is in me than He that is in the world, I can do all things through Christ who strengths me!  I can do this!  I CAN do this!  I WILL do this!

It's about 6 weeks until the official start of Spring, maybe it's time to find a 5K!

Week 5 Weigh In

Yes, I'm a little late on posting my Week 5 Weigh In Results, but I'm trying to stay busy.  I keep hoping that the more I work out or the more weight I lose, I'll get more energy, but that hasn't quite happened yet.  Sometimes I will get a burst of energy but I want energy all the time. 

The results are... I lost 2 more pounds! That's 12 pounds total.  I am now at my pre-second baby weight.  I still have quite a few to go to get to my pre-first baby weight.  But I feel great about the 12 pounds, awesome actually.  I think this week I'm going to do P90x for the week.  I did it Thursday and Friday and was so incredibly sore, the good sore.  So today I did yoga.  Not the P90x yoga because it was 1 1/2 hours long and I did not have that kind of time, but I did a 45 minute one and it felt amazing.

I did realize today that it was about this time 9 years ago that I started my first major weight loss journey.  I lost 65 pounds in 2 months - yup that's insanely unhealthy.  It was Lent, I was not a practicing Catholic but I grew up Catholic and it just seemed like an opportunity to do something for myself.  I was newly single and had moved back closer to my family and best friend, who had lost a bunch of weight and looked amazing.  So, for Lent I gave up salt and sugar.  Now, I don't really remember much of this period of my life as I made some not so great choices but what I remember was not eating.  I do know on Sunday's (Lent's "cheat day") I would eat a Snickers and drink a Pepsi.  I would do maybe 100 sit ups a day and 40 push ups and I'd "jog" a few times a week, mile to a mile and a half maybe.  While I smoked, yup, stupid huh?  I'd literally smoke (things) while I jogged, that doesn't even kind of make sense.  And at least every Friday night and sometimes Saturday nights we'd go out and dance until we couldn't dance anymore.  I worked 40 hours a week at my primary job and often would work 15 hours a week at another job, I was busy, and busy I like.  Oh, and I definitely don't remember eating, other than the Snickers.  But I lost the weight and thought I felt amazing...even though I had no lung capacity and no short term memory, but, hey whatever, I looked good right?  Well, when you're 21/22 that's kind of what's mostly important.  That's not really my priority now.  Now I want energy and health and I want to remember every moment with my kids. 

Maybe the lesson I can take from it is putting God in the center of my journey.  I know it sounds like that was never my intention during that time of my life, my lifestyle was crazy but the root of my beginning was a symbol of the 40 days and nights Jesus was in the dessert being tempted.  My life is crazy in a totally different way now, happy crazy maybe?  I'm looking forward to what God has to reveal to me as I continue.

91 days to go (from Friday)!

I wanna dance....

Okay, I really do want to dance.  I could really use a night out, dancing!!  But I kind of want to waitt until I'm down at least 20 pounds.  I mean I'll dance no matter what I look like, just cause, well I'm an awesome dancer, but I'd feel better with another 10 - 15 pounds off of me!  And, well, I'd probably be an even awesomer dancer!

Today, the day before week 5 weigh in.  I did P90X Cardio work out, totally kicks my booty!  Love it!!  And the 1000 sit ups today are my goal (at 2:30, I'm only at 200, I better get on it).  After I did that I shoveled out the mail box for our mail man!  I'm hoping today after 2 days of no mail we'll finally get some.  Mail is pretty much the highlight of my day!  Luckily the sun has been out, even though it's cold and theirs evil, evil snow on the ground, it feels so good to have the sun out!  I crave the sun, maybe I should take a vitamin D supplement and it'll help.  I am going to get some B Vitamin supplements tomorrow, as recommended by my doctor.   I'm really sore from shoveling yesterday, I love the feeling of sore!  I actually crave that feeling every day, makes me feel like I really did something.  And even after all that I helped my husband unload two arcades off the back of our trailer and swept out the garage.  The arcades were 200 and 500 pounds, but just as I'm an awesome dancer, I'm pretty much as strong as She-ra.  Wanna arm wrestle?  I'm planning on only getting stronger!

The urge for Brownies has not subsided yet, but I will definitely not eat any today, as I weigh in tomorrow.  The statement you will see every Thursday: I'm not feeling very confident about this weigh in, I haven't noticed anything looking different on my body and my clothes don't fit any differently, but I'm gonna keep pushing.  Even if I don't lose any weight, it doesn't matter, I'm going to keep going, it's all I can do to really get to me!!

My eating was pretty good today.  But I realized that I haven't really been keeping my food journal as I was when I first started.  I didn't want to keep one to begin with, but I started a couple days into this journey and it really helped the first few weeks.  I noticed last week and this week I was really lazy about it. I wasn't necessarily bingeing but I'd sneak a animal cracker when I was feeding baby girl, or just grab one of little man's chips when he was eating lunch.  Which is what I need to get grips on this coming week.  It seems like every week there is something I realize I'm doing and that I have to work on the following week. 

I have not been on the treadmill since that beautiful jog outside a week or so ago.  I've been doing stuff on TV or DVD's I have.  It was so refreshing and so invigorating that I think I'd get so frustrated on the treadmill.  Before I weigh in tomorrow I'll work out, so I'm deciding if I'm actually going to get on the treadmill or if I'll do some sort of cardio work out.  I know the thought of the treadmill makes me want to punch it, so we'll see.  In my prayers tonight I will again thank God that I have continued motivation, that I love to exercise, I love healthy food, I lose weight easily and my metabolism is super charged (positive thinking...oh the power of words...if some of us really knew!!).

I'm still going to need a few weeks of big numbers.  I keep thinking if I can just push through the winter, I'll be able to really push in the Spring/Summer.  I also got a free week at Curves that I'm going to try to use in the next few weeks!  I don't think it'll be for me all the time because I'd get bored with it, but it'll definitely be great for a push and a change of pace.

Got an early alarm going off tomorrow.  It's monthly grocery shopping so it's a long day and I gotta get the work out and weigh in done before we leave.