Friday, February 11, 2011

Week 6 Weigh In - and - ugh!

I've been avoiding this posting all day!  We spent the day getting ready for Children's Church Game Day tomorrow!  It should be a blast.  Jeremy has to leave by 10:45 am, so hopefully I can get a work out before then!  I'm hoping the weather will cooperate so I can jog outside!  The weather is supposed to be awesome the next few days, can't wait!  My cabin fever is out of control really!!

So, um, I gained 2.5 pounds!  That would technically mean I consumed approximately an extra 8500 calories this week and didn't work out.  That's pretty impossible really.  I did either KenpoX or CardioX (from P90X) at least 5 days this week.  And did AbRipperX one day.  So, let's say I didn't even do that stuff, I'm not really sure I could even consume an extra 8500 calories in a week.  That's an extra 1000plus calories a day above my maintenance calories, NOT the diet calories.  So, that would mean I would have had to eat about 3600 calories every day and not work out (which I did).  This seems ludicrous to me! 

I was so upset it brought tears.  I didn't work out before I weighed in, I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have mattered.  I actually didn't work out at all today. 

Looking back on my week, I see things that have caused struggles.  I can't seem to focus.  I cant' seem to get back that feeling I had at the beginning.  I am VERY behind on my daily reading, over 2 weeks behind.  My focus has been on how I am going to look and not how I'm going to feel.  My focus has been on how I don't have enough time, instead of what can I do to find the time.  It's been a negative week on so many levels, mostly the levels inside my head.  I thought that if I could get through the week surrounding my mom's death that I could get through anything, funny how I've realized that's not really what's causing my struggles.

So, I'll try again this week, I'll try to refocus, I'll try to be even more careful about what I eat!  I'm still not writing it down, I'm not keeping very good track of my calories, I'm sneaking a cookie when I get little man one.  All the bad habits I thought I easily got rid of in 6 quickly they come back when you're not paying attention and being diligent.  I've even went back to biting my nails, which I was FOR SURE I'd conquered before Christmas.  I guess Rome wasn't built in a they say!

But I'm extremely discouraged, fighting the urges all week to binge and fighting the urge today to binge.  Which of course only makes me feel worse.  Who seriously would have thought this was so much bigger than working out and eating better?  I mean, you see it on shows about how it's the work inside a person that's the hardest, but I was pretty sure after 6 weeks I had those issues licked.  But I am an overcomer, I am more than a conqueror, great is He that is in me than He that is in the world, I can do all things through Christ who strengths me!  I can do this!  I CAN do this!  I WILL do this!

It's about 6 weeks until the official start of Spring, maybe it's time to find a 5K!

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