Sunday, June 10, 2012

What Can I Do?

I feel like I am busy all day long and absolutely nothing gets done.  This, apparently, is very normal for moms.  This sort of chaos those puts me in a little bit of a panic, which causes anxiety, which often causes me to eat more.  Yes, I am an emotional eater, no ifs, ands or buts about it.  There is never NOT a reason to eat as far as I'm concerned.  We are now a month from when I "decided" that I was going to gift myself the present of a healthy person, nope, haven't done it.  This is probably the one thing in life I should quit procrastinating.  (Procrastination is another one of those skills I'm amazing at, like changing the subject and crying on command.)

I did, hurray me, give up diet soda/aspartame. After I gave it up, I officially became a coffee drinker.  I have two cups every morning, with creamer (duh! How do people drink it without creamer?).  And then water the rest of the day.  After the initial 4 - 6 days of getting all the junk out of my body I felt better.  Then I desperately needed caffeine and I "relapsed".  I felt like crap for another couple days, I almost immediately got a headache and I even noticed a change in behavior of Josie (remember, she's being nursed).  She wasn't sleeping as well during the day and just plain fussy.  So, I stopped drinking it again.  Then I gave myself the leniency to drink regular soda, which not only is loaded with calories but is not exactly good for me.  But, after drinking a couple of those, I could just feel the yuck in my body and have only had one soda (regular) in probably 5 days and no diet soda for at least 12 days.  I'd love to say "I feel like a million bucks!"  But, first, I have no idea what a million bucks feels like.  And when people say this, do they mean the actual physical FEEL of the dollars or do they mean it like personified or do they mean what it would feel like to OWN a million bucks?  And second, I still want soda, until I remember the headaches and what not and then decide I don't.  The only drinking water thing is sort of getting to me (let's be honest, water is boring and I don't exactly like any of those flavor things for water).  I do sometimes have tea, but it's really just water with leaves boiled into it...still boring....

I have been exercising at least 4 days a weeks.  Sometimes a 45 minute walk, sometimes a 25 minute all body work out.  Nothing to write home about (ha).  But, at least I'm doing something. 

So, let's recap.  8+ years ago I gave up smoking, cold turkey.  Not a side effect (well, unless you count the million pounds I put on...yeah, okay, so one side effect).  I quit drinking diet soda, which I honestly never thought I'd give up, I thought I'd just cut back and that's as far as it would go.  But, I cannot stop myself from eating pretty much everything I see and then some.  How is this possible?  I get it, somewhat, that food is actually a necessary evil.  I have to eat to survive, I do not have to smoke or drink soda to survive.  But, I do not have to eat 1823901283 cookies to survive, at least, as far as I know I don't.

And this morning I was thinking about evolution, which I don't believe, and here is my reason why.  (Well, there's a lot of reasons, but here's the one I will discuss right now, which is not backed by any scientific fact - shocked?)   If we have an obesity epidemic in our society, why are there not callouses in our inner thighs?  Yup, that's right, this would totally avoid the 'chub rub', the chafing.  Or..OMG, will I eventually develop a callous?  Will I be like 80 and have inner thigh callouses cause they've been rubbing together for so dang long?!  EEK!

Luckily I have a friend at church, who's been so super supportive and encouraging.  She's lost weight, twice actually (after her last two kids), and she's full of energy and life and has recently quit smoking too!  And she texts me pretty much everyday to remind me to work out.  She's never judgy and always encouraging, it's been great.  And when I text her that I did before she texts me so always very proud of me.  I never thought this was something I'd like, but it's been very helpful. 

So, now, we combat the food and how do we do that?  With the grace and mercy of God alone!

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