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Monday, April 11, 2011

Week 14 Weigh In

Had a complete, utter break down last Thursday night before I weighed in.  The night didn't end so great, for a variety of reasons, but it boils down to just the disappointment I feel in myself right now.  I should NOT be disappointed, any amount of weight is hard to lose, especially when you seem to be battling a slight case of food addiction.  Thinking of where I should be (or at least the pressure I put on myself to where I should be) and where I'm actually at is, in essence, ticking me off!!  The ticking me off hasn't really made me change anything.

Last week was "recovery" week on the P90X program and of course I took complete advantage of that and thought I'd just watch my eating really closely and also maybe take some walks here and there.  I did weed a few days (more about this disaster in a few), but I definitely was a complete lazy slacker other than that.  I did maybe 4/7 of the P90X work outs and I only sort of ate, okay, not good.  But, luckily, I didn't gain weight, which I was pretty sure I was going to.  I stayed exactly the same.  I still wish I would have dropped even a half a pound but that didn't happen. I guess after my break down I'm grateful that I stayed the same.  But here's the thing, at the weight I'm at, to maintain I can eat exactly 1238192312 calories a day and not gain or loss a pound (it's a fact, google it) so maintaining isn't really that difficult, but when I'm down to my goal weight I'll only be able to eat 4 calories a day to maintain my weight (it's a fact, google it).  So it'll be much harder to maintain when I get to my goal weight.

So, weeding the flower beds last week has resulted in poison ivy hell, literally.  First of all, I use "IvyRest" (or something like that) every time I come inside, except one time...stupid one time...it's always "one time"...stupid.  We moved into this house a little less than 2 1/2 years ago and the previous owners put a TON of money and work into the flower beds/landscaping but it looks like they maybe didn't keep up with it for the last 5 years or so they lived here.  We've heard that one of them was maybe sick before they moved, but I honestly have no idea.  So we have at least 2 flower beds that haven't been touched for a minimum of 6 years.  And since last year Zoe was colic and well just a rough baby we really didn't get to it then either.  Jeremy has spent DAYS chain sawing and getting it "park like" so I've been trying to work as much as I can on the flower beds.  One is this huge area with a nice rock walk way and it's just gorgeous but the weeds have definitely taken control.  Well, as I know better I didn't wear long sleeves and I have poison ivy from my wrist to my elbow on my right arm and almost that much on my left arm.  Luckily I had gloves on.  Now, there were no leaves on these stupid vines (yes, stupid is the word for all of this) so even though I noticed the vines and thought they 'could be' poison ivy I sort of dismissed it not seeing the leaves, but, alas, apparently this evil (maybe that should be the word) vine is poisonous even w/o the leaves!  And there's A LOT more out there.  I will not weed again in short sleeves, luckily I was smart enough to put on long pants.  And every time i sweat the itching becomes to unbearable that there's actually been tears...so I haven't really worked out since.  Plus for some reason, just exhausted...a lot.  I finally broke down and got some IvyDry and some Benadryl so hopefully tomorrow I can pull myself together (thanks, Steph, it's really the best quote EVER) and get back on the ball.

On top of the poison ivy we had Church yesterday, a Living Lords Supper, it was pretty awesome and then a straight drive up to KC (3 1/2 hours) for a GORGEOUS wedding, it was so great, and then a 3 hour drive home.  Everyone else slept at least the last 1 1/2 hours on the way home and then I had to be up to babysit today so I knew that even if I did work out it would have been sad and pathetic.  Again, tomorrow, I hope to pull myself together and get back on the ball and really do this. 

I guess we'll see.  I'm beginning to realize that I thought this blog was going to be a motivation for some people and it's more like the way NOT to do things.  It's going to take me a lot longer than I thought or expected to lose this weight.  I know it's not supposed to be easy, if it was easy, people like me would just put it back on.  However, in this exact moment, saying that I remember quitting smoking almost 7 years ago (May 10, 2004).  It was easy, I know you think I'm being silly but it's the truth.  I was at work, just fed up, my mom had died 3 1/2 months before and throwing almost a half a pack of cigarettes in the trash and just being done.  I haven't smoked a cigarette since, I didn't crave them, I didn't shake or freak out or scream at people, I just quit.  So, maybe this food thing CAN be that easy...hmmmm....
28 days (as of last Friday) until my birthday.
21 days until Memphis!

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