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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Inspired or insane :)

So, as everyone is very aware of the New Year will be here in like 2 weeks.  As most people in the world, I'm determined to have a Resolution.  I gave up years ago having one.  But then I remembered that in 2007 I resolved to get healthy, I got rid of Trans Fat in my diet, to see if that would help me have a baby. Lo and behold, I have my beautiful baby boy, Isaac!  I lost 18 pounds and BOOM we were pregnant.  Well, as we all know I have WAY more than 18 pounds to lose this go around.   I started this blog a few months ago but deleted everything I had it in, simply because it became this bitch-fest.  I was using the people around me as an excuse to not get healthy.  When, ultimately, I have every excuse TO get healthy.

I know the reasons I stuff my face, starting with boredom and feeling worthless.  I'm a stay at home mom, if people only knew how worthless majority of us felt, maybe they'd ...I have no idea where to go with this sentence LOL.  But there's many reasons after that, but I'm not going to talk about that anymore.  It's time to talk about what this next year is going to bring for me.

First, I'll be 100% honest.  I lost a few pounds before Thanksgiving, I thought to myself, that I'd get a head start into this next year and lose a few pounds, I'd show 'em.  Not sure who 'em is, but I was gonna show 'em.  Well, Thanksgiving, now Christmas, and I've gained weight.  I haven't had the courage to figure out what is it and as brutally honest as I want this blog to be I'm not even sure I could tell anyone how much or what my starting weight is going to be. 

But, my first goal, without telling anyone the actual starting number, is to be below 200 pounds before my birthday, May 6th.  Now, 2 people in the world know how much I weigh (not counting the doctor and nurse) and one of those people doesn't believe me.  She's pretty convinced that I'm full of it, but it's the truth.  So, some people might think that the first goal will be super easy but I promise you, it will not.  But if I can't give myself the first 5 months of 2011 and the last 5 months of my 30th year to do this for myself, then I deserve to be fat and miserable and to never complain again for the rest of my life! 

I'm not going to follow some crazy "diet plan", I'm going to make better choices.  On any given day I will say to Isaac probably 20 times "please make good choices", "thats not a good choice" and any combination of that.  If I can't make good choices in my life, why should I expect him to?

Now, there is a part of me that's saying "screw it, lady, go out of 2010 with a bang".  Meaning, eat whatever you want, however much you want, because on Jan 1 your life will be different and you won't eat many of the things you are eating now.  I've definitely had that attitude thus far, which is why I'm scared to death of stepping on my bathroom scale.  So, I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, if I'll decide to be a human BEING or a human garbage disposal, I just can't be sure anymore! 

So, I won't know the ultimate goal until I do step on the scale, but do know that long term there is AT LEAST 70 pounds to lose.  That will probably get me to what I was when I got married.  I still wore double digit pants (11 /13 to be exact) and I still wore size Large shirts, but for me, I looked and felt amazing.  I've also had 2 babies since then, which, as women know means my body is an entire different shape now.  And since my shape has been covered with a ridiculous amount of fatness I'm not really sure what it will look like.  If even the 11/13 will look good on me anymore or if that size will fit at the weight I was at.  It's all a gamble, but the gamble is I can start with taking 5 months and 6 days of my life and changing it. 

There are other goals for the next year.  I would also like to comment that after 20ish years of doing so, I have quit biting my nails!  It was really a habit that I was pretty sure would never be broken.  So, if I can quit smoking almost 7 years ago, after 8ish years of smoking and I can quit biting my nails after 20 years of biting them, then I'm pretty sure I can do anything.  The trick, by the way, was lip gloss.  I'm a chapstick freak, but have never wore lipgloss, but for some strange reason I thought "hmmm" and put it on one day and I wouldn't bit my nails, for two reasons.  First, I didn't want colored lip gloss all over my face, that's so icky and second, I didn't like the feeling of having lip gloss on my fingers.  So, it worked.  Yes, sometimes I'll catch myself, but I've only bitten off one nail in probably 2 weeks, which is huge for me.

Other goals I'd like to deal with this year:  a 5K a day.
Pick my guitar back up and learn, learn, learn it.
Get through The Bible in  a year.
And there's more, but it's 1:30am and I'm not really sure why I'm up.  Well, I am, it's the only time of day I get alone and lately I've been loving it.  But it's probably not healthy :)

That's all I got right now.  For a busy, stay at home mom of 2 little kids and 3 older step children, a husband who works more than full time, leads Youth Worship and is a Children's Pastor, finding time to bathe is a big deal, so reprioritizing my life to do things for myself, will seem so selfish, but most rewarding for everyone!

Good luck with whatever your goals are for this year next year!  For me, it's seems like the best year to make a difference in someone's life....your own.

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