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Thursday, December 23, 2010

Revving up....or screwing up...either way

So, to begin the process of beginning the process of ... well me, I quit nursing Zoe.  She's 10 months old, so I'm not sad about it or anything, I was pretty done at about 6 months so going even further was great for us!  Nursing will suck up calories though, so that's my new excuse as to why I'm getting fatter.  Okay, it's a total lie, I'm seriously eating for an army!

Well, the plan was to start on New Years Day, the time old tradition of starting something I suppose.  Today, I had to take one of my step kids to the orthodontist.  Which means I have to put on jeans, it's not my pants of choice at this point and time but I have two pair that fit.  And what I mean by fit, is they are just stretched out enough that I can squeeze them over my butt, put on a belt that has lost some metal holes because I'm stretching that to it's max and be very careful how I get in and out of the Durango as to make sure I don't split them.  Well, as I'm putting on my one of two pairs of jeans, the ones I've been wearing for a couple days b/c I now have them nice and stretched out, they don't stink and they aren't visibly dirty, so their good, I noticed that, well, they are thinning!!!  This is the nightmare for anyone who has gained weight that they are trying to deny because "I am NOT buying a bigger size jeans!" 

We all know the moment, you have these nice stretched out pair of jeans (cause jeans are the worst), you check the size, and you get enough guts at the store to try on the SAME size...and, well, it's not pretty.  They don't go over your thighs, sometimes, not even over your knees.  And, you've brought multiple pairs of jeans in this size into the dressing room.  Different designers, b/c their sizes are never the same.  You try on pair, after pair, after pair, thinking, hoping, sucking in, that one of them will fit.  And they don't.  If I was a rude person, I would leave them in the dressing room, one pant leg inside out, in a pile on the floor, sprinkled with my tears, however, since I can't seem to do that, I'll hang them all back up and even mumble under my breath to the attendant "I didn't like any of them", as I hand them back, without making eye contact, in a moment of shame.  You try not to let it ruin the day, I mean, it's not like this was news to you!!  You still go out to lunch or dinner and you probably go home and have a cookie, or a box of cookies.  I mean, what's the best way to make you feel better about the dressing room shame..food.

So, as I see the thinning around the buttocks/thigh-ish area, I realize one of two things is going to have to happen.  Either, I'm going to have to start this "me" like today or I'm going to have to buy new jeans, and bigger ones, I mean BIGGER ones.  These jeans are pre-pregnancy jeans and they shouldnt' have fit me then!  They are at least 2 years old, yup, 2 pairs of jeans, the only two I wear and they are probably 2 years old.  It's the real "mom jeans"!  (And no, I'm not talking about the high wasted jeans, I'm talking about having the oldest, cheapest, most ill fitting clothes of everyone in the house, simply because you're a mom, and not at all caring...until of course...it means buying a bigger size!!!!)  I have 2 other pairs of jeans, that are just a smidge to small (okay, a smidget to small, when these current jeans fit perfectly, w/o the thinning) so I'd have jeans to wear if I got serious fast.  Honestly, I don't want to do either.  I mean today, there were no holds barred in the eating department.  I definitely could have eaten more, but there was no restraint either.  It's not like the thinning was my "wake up call" because it simply wasn't.  It was merely that last picture in a montag before I hit 'rock bottom' I can only assume.

So, we'll see if I start tomorrow, I mean I guess I could always find elastic pants before New Years, I mean they don't come in number sizes, they come in letter sizes, those are so less jarring!  Or, is it totally unacceptable to wear pajama/lounge pants through Christmas and the Holidays?

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