I had my alarm set for 5:30 am, I was motivated, ready, I knew I was going to get up early to get my work outs done so I could do other stuff today. At 5:28am my 3 year old son crawled into bed with us and so, I cuddled instead. It's fine, I'll try again another day. It was the first night I went to bed early enough to even consider the 5:30am wake up call. We all should know by now that sleep is also very essential to losing weight and well, just not being a crazy person.
My first workout was the tried and true "Total Body Sculpt" with Gilad. I did one of his hour long work outs, I've been making sure to record them and save them so when I need a little bit of a longer work out I have one of those handy. They are really only about 45 minutes after commercials (I've never timed it, but that seems about right). I do sweat so that's important. Most of the 45 minutes I had one child or another either crawling on me, standing at my feet, or needing something that I'd have to run and take care of in the middle of a squat. But I never gave up, I always paused it and went right back to what I was doing. I know, as a mom, how hard it is to workout, how frustrating it is, to fit it in during naps, or before they wake up, or after they go to bed. How infuriating it can be to do push ups and have a 3 year old jumping on your back telling you "giddie up horsie" and a 10 month old grabbing onto your hair trying to stand up. But it's pushing through!
Since the first workout was a little clustered, I took a walk outside this afternoon. An outside work out is so good for my soul. I turned on my Ipod and just walked, to our lake, around the corner and back. It was freezing cold, but it didn't matter, it's what I needed.
I made good food choices today, but even though I thought that it would get easier, it is not. It was rough today not just grabbing food whenever I wanted, whatever I wanted, in whatever quantity I wanted it. I kept reminding myself that I get to eat again, that it's not like I can't eat cookies forever, it's just that I'm not eating them right now. I did decide to have some yogurt tonight for my evening snack and I thought "hmm, I have almonds, I will put a few in the yogurt...yummmmmyyy." Well, apparently almonds go bad, b/c they were disgusting, but I ate them...I'm not really sure why I just didn't pick them out of the yogurt, but I didn't. Funny what you'll eat when you are trying not to be a pig.
The Biggest Loser started another season tonight, I will admit something, scary.... I weigh the same as at least one of the girls on there....yup.. that's my gut wrenching bravery for today. I'm not discouraged by that information, it's only motivation to say that it can be done without the show, without a personal trainer, without access to the perfect "diet" food. That I can be just as honest, just as raw, just as motivated and just as permanent.
There's a lot of emotion in the month of January. The death-iversaries of important people in my life and the MOST important person, my mom. I have always dedicated that day to binge-ing. Okay, I've dedicated pretty much the entire month to it. But my story is just a story, it's no worse than anyone else's. Pain is the same, only the stories are different and how you take care of the scar.