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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tomorrow....

So, tomorrow is important for two reasons. The first being my mom died on January 21, 2004, the WORST day of my life!!!  And the second, it's my third week weigh in.  I'm feeling pretty decent about this week.  I'd love to have dropped four pounds, that would put me at a total of 10, but I'll be pretty satisfied with anything.  I've come to realize on this journey that anything that's not a gain is a positive thing. 

Tomorrow and this weekend will probably be pretty tough.  Because it's really like a week long process surrounding her death.  The first being, today was the last day I ever saw her alive 7 years ago.  (I can't believe it was 7 years, I still sometimes wish it was a dream and I often think about how amazing it would feel if she would just walk into my dad's house and be like "I was just on vacation.")  Anyway, so that's today, but I pushed through without losing my mind.  I remember I left her house at exactly 2pm because I guess I had to be somewhere, maybe get my step kids off the bus, I'm not sure.  Then tomorrow is the 3:45 am phone call that changed my life forever.  Then sitting on the sidewalk of the hospital having to call relatives at 5am and tell them, I had to tell my mom's own sister.... But even more heart wrenching, my husband driving me all the way into St Louis so I could tell my sister face to face...  Then just that day, was such a blur, but I remember every detail..does that even make sense?  Then the wake the next day.  People waited for almost 4 hours just to tell me how amazing my mom was.  The parking lot for the funeral home was so full it overflowed into the church next door and the subdivision behind the Funeral Home.  Then burying her, the final moment to see her.  UGH!  Then the next day realizing it was all over....I sat and wrote over 400 thank you cards.  My dad came and picked me up and I stayed with him for just a few days, he took me to breakfast at T and A Travel Center.

Anyway, I will push, it'll be a tough weekend.  I'm hoping to spend all day with my siblings and possibly my dad on Saturday!  But, being at my dad, I'll have to watch myself, as he's my go to place for sweets!

See ya in the am!

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