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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

What's my Rock Bottom

There's been a lot of questions I've been needing to answer as I watch/read/learn about this process.  This is not simply a process of eat less calories and exercise more for as I've learned over the past couple weeks.  I've been swaying from the subject at hand and I'm okay with that.  And I've been trying to keep this as lighthearted as possible, so forgive me if from time to time I get a little sappy. 

One of the questions that loom is "have I hit rock bottom and if I have what is it"?  So, I think about it.  There's has honestly been a few.  The first starting on my 30th birthday last year.  I thought I looked cute going out, but when the pictures came back I didn't want to look at any of them that were taken below the neck.  Then, the second, would be when I realized I didn't even like the pictures of the neck up.  Not because I think I'm ugly but because of the roundness of my face.  Then, to get on the scale, which I always did from time to time anyway, and realize my "highest" weight previously was a number I'd be glad to be at (and push past)...ouch!  And when that happened, I ate.

Another question is "why am I losing weight"?  This seems pretty important.  I mean, of course I'm losing weight to look better and feel better, but there's got to be more reason than that.  There's all the other obvious reasons, like to be a better wife and mom.  But here's the deal, I can't leave my kids when they are young, before they have kids of their own!  It is insanely hard to be a motherless mom, and I don't ever want my two kids to not have me there to support them in any way possible.  To take the babies that wont' sleep, to watch the babies so they can work, to give them nights to go out, mornings to sleep in.  Also, I want to lose weight because I have no self confidence to do some things that I want to do, or the lung capacity.  I want to run a marathon!  I want to sing a song in front of people while playing my guitar.   I want to go outside and play hard with my kids and not want to find a lawn chair to sit down in.  I want to shop in a real store, not just a department store.  And I want to do the splits and a back bend again...just because I can, and if that doesn't happen, that's okay too.  Oh, and I want to say "I'm awesome" or all those silly little things I say about myself and actually feel it inside and mean it.  Cause I talk a good talk...

Luckily I had this post saved, because I got nothing today.  I did the treadmill and did great intervals for myself, 3 minute walk, 7 minute jog, that's good for me!  And I did a 30 minute "Weight Loss Workout" recorded from Fit TV.  I can tell you that I did NOT and I mean did NOT want to do the second work out.  It was a rough push but I did it.

I'm dying for some pizza, carbs really.  We had whole wheat pasta last night, but I think pizza with cheesy bread sounds amazing, Pizza Pro is calling my name!!  It's not shocking to me, as the week draws closer to the 21st the food cravings are becoming harder and harder to ignore. 

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