Sunday, January 2, 2011

Late Night

This post was supposed to happen hours ago, however, my 10 month old daughter had another idea.  Oh well, it's the life of a mother :)  Plus I knew if I skipped writing today I'd lay in bed thinking of all the amazing witty (hopefully) things I should say and then tomorrow it wouldn't sound as cool.

Today I got a BUNCH of clothes from a friend at church.  And they are great clothes, like adult clothes.  I basically own jeans, t-shirts and flip flops, I mean I do love them and they will always be my favorite, but the clothes I got are so amazing, I can't wait to fit in them.  Yup, they are a couple sizes too small but what motivation.  I am so against buying "little" clothes for the "one day" mentality.  I've done it so many times and those clothes have been given away, but I didn't spend a penny on these clothes, so it's not the same!  So yeah, pretty excited about these clothes!

There was so much going on today I did not have a chance to work out.  I thought I'd do it, I'd come home from errands and take care of it, but I am not mad at myself for not getting it done, I am simply human.  I did very good on the eating, even picked up my husband some Jack in the Box and I made dinner at home.  However, my dad's house is always a weakness of mine.  There's never any judgement at his house, my parents were some of the accepting and least judgemental parents I've met.  I used to go there for my sweet fix, when I wouldn't keep sweets in the house I could always count on my dad to have a Hostess snack, a cake, some brownies, something.  Today I had to stop by for a minute, there were Christmas cookies on the kitchen table and out of pure habit I ate one, I was about 2 bites from the end before I even realized I shouldn't be eating it.  But I also didn't have an afternoon snack so I just used that one cookie as my mid-day snack.  No biggie, I'm actually pretty proud of myself for not munching down on more than just one.

The night time was again the hardest part of the day.  Considering I was very busy the rest of the day it wasn't too bad.  It made it even harder that about the time I sat down to write my daughter woke up and even though I stayed very calm with her during the 2 hours that she was gassy (yup, she let out a few farts, drank a bottle and fell back to sleep....after 2 hours) there was an urge to just get something to eat while I was dealing with her.   She nursed every 40 minutes for the first 4ish months of life so I pretty much sat, nursed and ate things for 4 months...oops.

Monday will be interesting for me.  Often Monday was a binge day for me, not that I really restrained any other day but Monday just seemed to be a more than normal day.  Everyone was either at work or school and it was just Isaac, Zoe and myself.  I'd make pancakes or something similar for breakfast, I'd have a huge lunch and usually snack all day long.  I'd often plan my Monday food in my head all day on Sunday.  Thinking about it, changing it up as the day went on and my mood changed, checking the pantry to make sure it had what I wanted and sometimes getting mad if my food plan was spoiled.   I just realized in this moment, that this is exactly why me starting my 'diets' on Mondays never ever worked!!  I'd sabatage myself the first day and instead of trying again on Tuesday I'd be so disappointed, angry, or frustrated at myself I'd just continue the unhealthy cycle.  I'm sure I can push through this Monday, I'm actually very confident of this, I've already made my 'to do' list if I start to get restless and I've gotten some FitTV shows recorded and I've planned pretty much what I'm eating tomorrow and it doesn't include chocolate chip pancakes or party pizzas!!

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